Julia and Winston

In the very beginning of the novel, Winston seems to feel hate for Julia, in fact at one point he almost kills her! He finds her suspicious and even thinks that she's out to get get him in the beginning. But after she acts out the scene of her tripping and gives Winston the note, his feelings instantly change. Once he read's the "I love you" note from Julia, Winston can't keep her off his mind. He thinks about her a lot, and wants to meet up badly. Julia gave him a desire to live when not that long ago he thought about killing her (which clearly he didn't go through with). Winston couldn't wait to meet up with Julia again so they could plan to meet where they could really talk without the telescreens listening in. In fact, he goes so far as to be afflicted with an unbearable sensitivity, meaning he gets extremely nervous and afraid that something bad has happened to Julia. Are the feelings Winston starts to feel new? Or have they always been there and Winston was just too afraid and he was just pushing them back? And if Winston has had these feelings and was just pushing them back, when did he first develop these feelings? Also, does he actually have feelings for Julia or does he just want a sexual connection?:sosp: