Hanging Loose.

And while nothing is truly aligned -
it is said that some pictures
appear better off centre,
my belly will always have that flabby mass
as the rest of me shrinks away
and stretch marks,
those reminders of some great milestone
I passed while my ankles
locked under my chin
are now just useless fat
that couldn't be sold to light a candle
or even liposuck this story
to make the sloppy overhang more interesting
for any other reason
than to say the puckered bits of my passion
still exist to this day
but I would hope the distorted pieces
of me are the parts that you like best.

Hey Delta! I'm back here after a long long time. Nice to read you once again though I'm not sure what you mean by these lines-

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Delta40

or even liposuck this story
to make the sloppy overhang more interesting
for any other reason
than to say the puckered bits of my passion
still exist to this day.

---

The last two lines are the best. People who accept you with your 'distorted pieces' are rare but if you have found any such person you should be proud of it.

It feels to me as if every metaphor in this wonderful poem were a chunk bitten off from reality. Along with Aliengirl I rejoice in those last two lines, but I loved everything that came before it.

This poem has a great flow, Delta, and a great sincerity about it. To ensure the flow is shared with all the readers, I would get rid of all the punctuation marks apart from the commas - just for this poem - and let it come out in one breath.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Scheherazade

This poem has a great flow, Delta, and a great sincerity about it. To ensure the flow is shared with all the readers, I would get rid of all the punctuation marks apart from the commas - just for this poem - and let it come out in one breath.

---

Thanks Scher. I get too mindful of punctuation at times so I edited it a bit to help with the one breath effect.

narrative. woop woop. honest and self depreciating and brilliant. :)

Thanks Jerry. I'm glad to break out of the mould I was in

Another good one Delta....but just remember that beauty is only skin deep and even the sloppy overhang is just a thing.

Love looks past all those things and clutches up the spirit and when you least expect it a revived love or a new love falls in to your tiny little bit of space....making life worth something again!

Your poem was very effective.


kittypaws

you're such a romantic Kitty!

Good piece. The title fits very well.

of course we can love 'distorted pieces' when we have that "something" in our heart allowing us to hoist ourselves above appearances.
From a technical point of view, confessionalism (even when well organised- your text it's a nice prose) is one thing, poetry another...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jeos

From a technical point of view, confessionalism (even when well organised- your text it's a nice prose) is one thing, poetry another...

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Though I don't consider myself an expert in poetic technical details, let me tell you that Delta can write a poem on any topic under the sun and it will always read like a poem. You may or may not like her style, which we call Deltasque here, but she is a versatile poet.

I think you need to consider 'distorted pieces' as more than just physical Jeos and raise it to a level of thinking which encompasses the entire poem. For me, that is the N's attraction.

True beauty begins with love of self.

The honesty in all your poems is irresistable.

I think loving self-assessment is about the sexiest thing any man or woman has going on.

And you laid that out just right.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by firefangled

True beauty begins with love of self.

The honesty in all your poems is irresistable.

I think loving self-assessment is about the sexiest thing any man or woman has going on.

And you laid that out just right.

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Now I'm feeling sexy....