A Humourous Selection # 17

HOW DO YOU WANT IT CUT?

Bimbette ordered herself
A small pizza to go
“How do you want it cut”?
The guy asked, then
“Do you want it cut?
Into ten slices or eight”
“Oh just eight
I’m not hungry enough for ten”

WHEN THE MONTH GOES ROUND

When the month goes round
Beware what ever you do
My wife not only has PMS
She has GPS too
Which means she’s a crabby *****
And she can find you

VAGUE INTEREST

When first I saw her
I thought her vaguely fascinating
But on further study
She was only fascinatingly vague

ON ALERT

I hate living under the threat
Of terrorism every day
I can remember when if you saw
An unattended bag on the railway
You would say to yourself
I’m going to have that away

THE SAME OLD COIFFURE

Sally always had
The same old coiffure
And thought that
Her marriage was secure
But her husband chose
A new style of hair
And she found one day
He was no longer there

I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 1

I really need to moderate
The way I live my life
Last night I drank so much
I turned into my wife

I argued over nothing at all
Behaved like a holy terror
And I refused to apologise
When I was obviously in error

COUNTRY WATCH

I went to the countryside
And you know when I looked
I could see animals roaming about
That were totally uncooked

F.L.O.

The police knocked at my door
And gave me the fright of my life
First they asked me my name
Then showed me a picture of the wife

“I’m afraid it looks like she’s been
Hit by a bus,” the officer said to me
I nodded and said in reply “I know
But she has a lovely personality”

FEMININE CONUNDRUM # 1

I will never understand women
How is it they can pour wax, molten
Onto their naked flesh and then to boot
Rip it off pulling out the hair by the root
And yet can by completely terrified by
A spider that’s even smaller than a fly

CALL CENTER MODE YET AGAIN

One day Bimbette was having trouble
With her computer,
So she decided to try the call center
At a time that would suit her

"Hello how can I help you?"
The tech support guy said
Bimbette replied to him
“I have a problem printing in red”
He asked, “Do you have a colour printer”?
Then the line went dead