We're having a party on our premises
We'd be most happy if you can make it
To our main factory of Broken Promises
The home of You Buy It You'll Break It
To help us celebrate we'd be delighted
Just so overjoyed if you can be here
This rare occasion you've been invited
To mark our landmark seventieth year
The Palace of Flimsy will open its doors
We'll have all of our products on show
Feel free to browse, and append orders
If you like we'll wrap it shiny with bow
This of course, in case you can't guess,
To disguise an item's questionable value
Naturally we'll assume you're clueless
It's easier that way for both us and you
We're the ones who invented second rate
You're well aware our wares never do
While our return policy carries no weight
Near misses, jutting edges, cheap glue
The dubious quality control you will find
Is our hallmark, 'Try this new green tomato
Device - it'll never function, but only grind
To a smoking halt' (the corporate motto)
Whatever you're after you'll find it here:
Zippers that slide and stick at the bottom
Bottle openers that snap cracking a beer
Some flat leaky batteries - we got 'em
Buttons that snare, shoelaces that fray
New clocks that stop, televisions explode
Weird, we just can't give this stuff away
But give it a price, we'll be sure to unload
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