View Profile: Zemouli Chahra - Literature Network Forums

Yesterday, 05:24 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread A story by a 10 year old - Together Through Weakness in General Writing

You're thirteen now and writing research essays. Would I like to read them? Not particularly. What I'd like is for you to let your hair down, take...

15 replies | 505 view(s)

05-19-2013, 06:51 PM

PrinceMyshkin replied to a thread I wish I could cast this mantle away in Personal Poetry

The line should read "dissolve and BE ABSORBED" Apart from which it's a magnificent poem; it could easily have become maudlin or lugubrious but...

7 replies | 254 view(s)

05-19-2013, 06:45 PM

PrinceMyshkin replied to a thread Sol in Personal Poetry

None too humbly, I'm restoring this to public view for those who joined after I originally posted it.

18 replies | 1250 view(s)

05-19-2013, 04:17 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread A story by a 10 year old - Together Through Weakness in General Writing

It might well have been written by a ten-year-old - and tidied up when you typed it into Word. But the point is surely that you have moved on and...

15 replies | 505 view(s)

05-19-2013, 02:22 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread Adventurous in General Writing

Yes - I read them again. There's no way of knowing who Hark is on the basis of what you give us here. It's all so ambiguous. H

10 replies | 365 view(s)

05-19-2013, 07:00 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Creative writing short story - Important Day in Short Story Sharing

The weak title and the opening five words of your story do you no favours. 'It was a very good day' - how do we know that? It's your job to show us...

3 replies | 357 view(s)

05-19-2013, 06:47 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread All Things Are Possible in General Writing

You have fallen into the trap of over-writing. Trying to give the appearance of being a 'serious writer' rather than a 'writer who's telling the...

1 replies | 185 view(s)

05-18-2013, 04:43 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread Adventurous in General Writing

Not really. You've introduced two more characters but we don't know where they fit in the story or what they're talking about. Presumably Hark is...

10 replies | 365 view(s)

05-17-2013, 01:28 PM

PrinceMyshkin replied to a thread The Ultimate Contest in Personal Poetry

Thanks a lot, Haunted. I hesitated to post this poem because - as you yourself feel - the concept is so ugly! And thank you Grit, Symphony and...

7 replies | 302 view(s)

05-17-2013, 05:44 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread second chance in Personal Poetry

Like that's ever going to happen (LOL) H

3 replies | 184 view(s)

05-17-2013, 05:42 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Blood in the snow in Personal Poetry

Deep - and handled with such subtlety. Yes, it's good to have some poetry back on the poetry thread. H

8 replies | 268 view(s)

05-17-2013, 05:39 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Adventurous in General Writing

The writing is fine, but the plotting is weak. The scene inside the house with the 'granny' achieves very little - except to allow the narrator to...

10 replies | 365 view(s)

05-16-2013, 02:43 PM

PrinceMyshkin started a thread The Ultimate Contest in Personal Poetry

The winner is the one who swallows the most hot dogs in the allotted time multiplied by the number in his or her chosen group who die of...

7 replies | 302 view(s)

05-16-2013, 11:53 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread The Wizarding War of Minecraft in Short Story Sharing

I'm not a fan of wizarding - or minecraft for that matter - so maybe I'm not the best person to be offering a critique on this. But if you're looking...

2 replies | 268 view(s)

05-15-2013, 05:44 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread Enslaved Gods in Short Story Sharing

Durlabh - hijacking someone else's thread is hardly gentlemanly behaviour. Why did you not begin your own thread with this piece? And is your work...

5 replies | 269 view(s)

05-14-2013, 06:26 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread HonestLiar's Work in Short Story Sharing

Since this is your first posting on here I'll try to go easy on you. Is your story 'satisfactory'? Well there's a lot you can do to improve it -...

5 replies | 417 view(s)

05-12-2013, 08:25 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread the way we write in General Writing

How could it not? H

16 replies | 591 view(s)

05-11-2013, 10:05 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread The Oldland in General Writing

Constructive advice? - all I can offer is the same as I did for your previous piece. Don't waste your time writing any more of this until you have...

2 replies | 284 view(s)

05-10-2013, 07:32 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread a place of fears in Short Story Sharing

There are several points where you need to be clearer or tighter - overall the plot is buried so deep it's invisible. Standing amongst unfamiliar...

1 replies | 298 view(s)

05-10-2013, 12:37 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread Cycles (Ongoing Work) in Short Story Sharing

It's virtually impossible to offer a critique on an outline. How are we meant to know what you're going to do with it or how competent a writer you...

5 replies | 300 view(s)

05-10-2013, 12:29 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread The Brotherhood in General Writing

You have obviously spent a lot of time working on this story, but it needs a great deal of work to make it readable. The first question is why...

2 replies | 251 view(s)

05-10-2013, 11:55 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Cycles (Ongoing Work) in Short Story Sharing

Wow - as a native Welsh speaker I have to question your pronunciation guide at the end of the story. It's a joke and quite disrespectful given how...

5 replies | 300 view(s)

05-09-2013, 11:34 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread The World Unmade: Five Prose Poems in Personal Poetry

I took my time with this since there's a lot to take in. The first piece and the rather banal setting - the A55 up to its usual tricks presumably...

14 replies | 563 view(s)

05-09-2013, 10:54 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Character Names ? in General Writing

Interesting illustration. I have a young kid from Mississippi called Cable Datum who dies of consumption in the piece I'm currently working on....

10 replies | 604 view(s)

05-09-2013, 09:42 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread playful in Personal Poetry

There you go, you see. Your explanation makes absolutely no sense so we're left confused yet again by your inability to use words correctly. ...

5 replies | 226 view(s)

05-09-2013, 08:40 AM

hillwalker replied to a thread Your Number's Up in Short Story Sharing

You seem to have got the voice right if you're aiming to write in the style of American pulp fiction. It's the kind of story where the narrator, a...

12 replies | 461 view(s)

05-08-2013, 04:34 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread playful in Personal Poetry

This actually makes sense - mostly - and is indeed the best of your recent postings - though I assume you meant to write 'petals' in v1 rather than...

5 replies | 226 view(s)

05-07-2013, 04:02 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread American degrees in General Teaching

The same applies in the UK - or at least it did when I did my degree. For the first two years you study a Main subject and a Subsidiary subject....

7 replies | 471 view(s)

05-07-2013, 03:30 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread judgemental in Personal Poetry

Shortening the gobbledegook doesn't really change matters. You need to remove it completely and continue writing coherently for any message to get...

10 replies | 404 view(s)

05-07-2013, 03:20 PM

hillwalker replied to a thread Man in a Box in Short Story Sharing

I didn't dislike the plot - I just found it over-complicated for a short story. As for the 'lie' v 'lay' problem - it seems to be an American...

12 replies | 675 view(s)

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