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    I needed to say I feel very proud of you, if it means anything.
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    I get a feeling that's going to be a popular thread Steph. How have you been anyway? You seemed to disappear there for a while - I thought you may have taken a holiday to somewhere.
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    Hiya Steph - DAZ Studio 3D is available for free until 21/11 (I just found out this morning - I don't read their emails). So hopefully you'll log in before then to read this message and find out. You need to regisister with DAZ which is a small price to pay for what you get - vast science fiction and fantasy city scapes, realistic people models etc and you can render in illustration mode. Also the range of quality models have been expanding exponentially for years, and though I don't know very much about it really, the forums indicate that it's the bees' knees of 3d software. Anyway hope you get this message in time
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    Do I mean a lot to a lot of people? I don't feel it anymore, and I think that when I felt it I was having the wrong feeling. I'm not treated like someone who means a lot. I'm treated like an occasional dump yard where to drop occasional miseries, because there was no one else supportive enough around them. But when I need to talk about something, like if I feel bad, there's no one around and I end up talking to myself. People have the time and will to talk to me only when they see fit; never when I need it. I'm completely alone. All this time trying to be nice and supportive has brought absolutely nothing. Maybe it's a cultural matter, like you say. I realize I should stop being a caring person always available for people I once regarded as friends, who are uninterested in understanding anything I'm saying. I realize nobody knows me and I know nobody either. Surely none of this makes any sense to anyone but me. The desert's coldness feels a lot more sincere. It's time to quit.
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    They would say I was the only one who payed attention to them, and now they back off because they are dissatisfied with my answers. They asked, and disliked my opinions, but if I spoke or thought like them they would say I don't care. I've even been called unreliable, as if I could cause some damage from an ocean away just because I said I don't agree with what they say they want to do with their lives. I used to have some use for a while and not anymore, and I'm truly sick of feeling disposable. I'm sick of overthinking why I've been treated like garbage. I'm through, and I feel it's time to step aside, which I've been postponing for a long time. There're some I felt close to, they don't like me anymore, and probably never did at all, so all this time trying to be their friend feels like a waste. Now if I had a problem and needed to talk I'd be totally alone, like always. What would you do if you were in my position? Would you keep trying to hold a link with them?
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    I believe you, but I've been thinking much about this lately, and every day I'm more and more convinced that I have to learn to keep my mouth shut. My mind works very different from the minds of people I once thought I knew. Many can't really pick what I mean, apparently. Many don't talk anymore, and if they do, they speak angrily because I don't say what they are expecting to listen. Those who used to ask for my opinions have backed off. They dislike what I say, but they asked in the first place. My mind works by itself, and they seem to feel that a friend is a person whose mind follows their lead no matter what they say or do, but on the other hand, if I follow their lead, they would say I don't give a damn. I don't understand what people expect. They seem to lack a steady mind, and I seem to have no more arguments to support my speech with them. I've stayed long nights listening to what they needed to say, when I should have been studying, working or resting.
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    Thank you very much for participating

    I didn't know you dislike being called a lady, and you never told me when I did it. I suppose you must have felt odd. I apologize.
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    First thread I created more than two years ago when I joined has been bumped and some people are speaking. Just thought you might want to participate. Not a request though. Just thought I would say it.

    Restarted from http://www.online-literature.com/for...29#post1079229 (if you don't feel like reading the whole, which is long, or you can just drop a vote on the poll and say nothing, or as you wish).
Showing Visitor Messages 41 to 50 of 588
About stephofthenight

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Date of Birth
May 26, 1992 (27)
About stephofthenight
I am a new mom of a beautiful baby boy Samuel, I am married to a Youth Pastor and enjoy serving my community and church.
East Texas
Church, Reading, Horseback Riding, Pageants, Photography


"Be careful of quotes you find on the internet, they may not always be true" -Abraham Lincon-


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View stephofthenight's Blog

Recent Entries


by stephofthenight on 08-06-2017 at 01:15 AM
Sometimes frustration and fear
Fall from my eyes
Sometimes my head is screaming warning
But my heart whispers that it lies
Sometimes the pain stays
Long after the dream is gone
Sometimes I start to forget
Believing I belong
Sometimes I feel abandoned
For the walls are closing in
Sometimes I desperately need you
Knowing you'll make it all okay
Sometimes I can't help but break
As I watch you drive away

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My Shadow

by stephofthenight on 05-15-2017 at 01:36 AM
Subject poetry contest

Her shadow haunts her waking dreams
Broken fragments of her soul scream

Illuminated darkness hides the past
From choices of a lot she didn’t cast

Bitter and broken, consistently abandoned
Lost, to be found and again left stranded

Walking a road of self-destruction
Building walls for her own protection

The fear of herself has only grown
For she cannot escape, the

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by stephofthenight on 04-22-2017 at 11:18 PM
(Subject Poetry Competition)


With every word left unspoken
They built a house of destruction
Screaming in silence
As they fulfill their penance

Yet remorse resounds hollow
From promises they just couldn't follow
Silence piercing their souls
From secrets left untold.


by stephofthenight on 04-17-2017 at 12:38 AM
The haunting evaluation
of each negligible detail
forges gut wrenching anxiety
echoing her every pending word
The silence is deafening
revealing phobias untold
moments pass languidly
causing her every insecurity to show.


by stephofthenight on 04-06-2017 at 09:44 PM
It has been four years since I have sat down with pen and paper in an attempt to convey my emotions and repair my fractured soul. I no longer find myself broken, no longer in need of repair, Its only fitting that I should share my new found inspiration.

He came into her life
Like a fractured grain of sand
He made her question things
She believed to already understand
He broke into her walls
Like she handed him the key
He showed her how to

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