Guys pls help me rate this piece: what are its strong points and shortfalls?

  1. gideeguy
    gideeguy
    Memoirs...

    Can I still write
    Of stolen veteran tales
    And imaginations which no one hails,
    Bringin down the auto-acclaimed height?

    Can I stil write
    Of stiff battles won
    Of medals of honor worn-
    A reward of grace and might?

    Can I still write
    Of a queen's heart lost
    And sorrow never forgot:
    Tears streaming all night?

    Can I still write
    Of goodly pen messengers
    Keeping the woods like noble rangers
    With all strength and delight?

    Can I still write
    Of I, an emissary of the pen
    Losing all to shadows in the den
    Bringing down the already attained height?
  2. ShadowFire
    ShadowFire
    I know this is a whole year late, but I would like to give you my feedback on your poem. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I like how you have the repetition, it adds structure and an helps with the rhythm of the poem. The third and fifth stanzas are my favorites. I see a running theme but I start loosing the connections between the stanzas at the end. I don't know whether it is me or the intent of the poem, but there is an element of vagueness (if that is even a word). Sometimes this is intended to allow the reader to connect in their own perspective, but I am unsure if that was yours. Overall, a very nice poem that leaves the reader thinking (the best kind). Thank you for sharing.
  3. EDCrotty
    EDCrotty
    Nice poem.

    There are a few spelling mistakes, however. Here is a corrected version:

    Memoirs...

    Can I still write
    Of stolen veteran tales
    And imaginations that no one hails,
    Bringing down the auto-acclaimed height?

    Can I still write
    Of stiff battles won
    Of medals of honor worn-
    A reward of grace and might?

    Can I still write
    Of a queen's heart lost
    And sorrow never forgot:
    Tears streaming all night?

    Can I still write
    Of goodly pen messengers
    Keeping the woods like noble rangers
    With all strength and delight?

    Can I still write
    Of I, an emissary of the pen
    Losing all to shadows in the den
    Bringing down the already attained height?
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