day in a life

It is probably obvious to everyone that mental health is a lot on my mind. I just read a piece in the guardian about men's mental health. I am a big fan of Stephen Fry and I have seen and read about how open he is when it comes to this issue. This shouldn't be a taboo subject, it should be OK to talk about mental illnesses just like any other form of illness. This particular article was about letting children be children and not let girls be emotional and boys tough. I wonder about this a lot as a parent of a young boy. He is not like most boys and what he see's as 'feminine' in my behavior is not what is considered feminine by most. It even bugs him a bit when I am not like other moms.

I find myself telling him sometimes to be tough, but he is very sensitive and wells up a lot. I don't tell him not to cry but I may tell him he doesn't have to cry just because he can't get the seat-belt on in first try just look down and try again. I always thought that I didn't have to think about this gender equality too much because he is raised by me, a single mom who can do anything a 'man of the house' can. An example is the trampoline I put together. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE who knew I was doing it or that I did it asked why I didn't call my brother, my step-dad or my ex to come and help me. I did it on my own, it was difficult, at least a part of it but I could do it without them!

I have had my struggles and still do with matters of the mind and I am very open about it. I don't start a conversation in public but if it comes up I don't hide anything. I did open up a bit more than I am used to with one friend at school a few times last semester but that was mainly because she always thought there was nothing that big wrong with me and she didn't get it so I told her more than I usually say to try and make her understand that it is very hard for me just to come to school everyday and I can't handle it very well when the attention is on me or if I'm in a big group.

Now I wonder if it's just me who see's parenting as such a huge challenge? I am happy to do everything I can for my son and I love him a whole lot, more than I thought possible but I have this constant fear that I am doing it wrong.

I think people who are public figures and come out and discuss these issues and others concerning health are doing a good thing for everyone. It does seem to be kinda 'cool' or 'inn' at the moment, Jolie and Sheen discussing issues that matter to them and have affected them. Also both issues are a bit of a taboo so this has opened up a lot of good discussions.

I sometimes wish I had the courage to do a blog like this in my own language and somewhere people will see if they want too. I just don't think I'm that good with a pen for it to be public (more public than this).

I contradict myself all the time when it comes to my self esteem. I think I'm pretty great and I don't want to change but at the same time I don't think I can do anything well enough to be successful at it.

The mind is a tricky thing and shouldn't be a hush subject.