day in a life

Lots of difficulties. Not necessarily negative, but leading nowhere. Sorry.

where should it lead?

Hypochondria?

I feel exactly the same in social situations. I try to make intelligent conversation but I just don't know what other people should talk about. I'm starting to worry my family have resigned me to being "the weird one".

If you could see the world through the eyes and minds of other people I don't think you'd feel alone, because you'll find that thoughts and feelings, your doubts and any and everything you think might be wrong with your mind is not unique. I think other people feel that way too, a lot of the time. Also. I think that people who spend a lot of time alone thinking feel this way.

I don't have any advice. It's just that, I think you're more normal than you think...or something like that.

Your head is perfectly fine...lol. I think Bluebird is right on about you being alone probably adds to it, and I agree it's not unique. But hey, it's your personality. We're all locked inside our heads. Where else can we go? You just need to reach a certain peace with it, that's all. Of course that's easier said than done.

I would just think about all the influences in your life, and try to have as much uplifting ones as possible, and as few negative ones as well. It also sounds like you have a lot of energy that you don't have an outlet for. I've been through this type of thing; it's not easy but you become stronger for it. There are several key factors I think involved in overcoming these things. One is to understand you create your reality, your world, your self. In other words, we choose in what direction we'll grow towards. Intellectually this is one thing, but practically it is years to learn.

Another thing is to understand that everything's connected - a bit simplified, but very true, and this has many facets as well. A good starting point is the truth that physical, mental, emotional, physiological, what have you, states are all inter-twined. The mind is based on the body; and the mind and body aren't separated from each other, they're connected.

But to go back to the first idea - that we create our lives. . . the powerful idea that we're the authors of our story. . . how do we implment it, or use it practically? Well, one of the most effective and simple ways is to use self-suggestion. Science, psychology, has discovered how powerful suggestion of all types is; so to use it consciously is a way to improve one's solidarity and unity, as well as help to find peace and strength and so forth. Zen teacer Thich Nhat Hanh says, "we create the energy of mindfulness," similarly you can create a positive energy by the things you say to yourself.

The basic thing, I mean, is that there's always a cure to every malady. If you're awake at night and can't sleep because you are turning things over in your mind, that is proably a lot better than its opposite. What I mean is, its probably better to have the energy and be kept awake by it than to not have enough energy. . it is probbly easier to transform the energy, than it is to dredge it up if it's not easy to find it.

There are so many influences all around us; and we sometimes forget that we're creating our lives, and a good way to get control back is this way of checking external and internal influences. . . Basically I'm talking about transforming one's energy, by self-suggestion. Things I say to myself sometimes, when I need this, or write them down - also very effective! - are things like, "I am strong," or "I am healthy," or "I am at peace," or "I am love." These positive suggestions help to replace negative ones the world throws at us, and help to transform our energy. . and when this transpires, then things like meditation become a lot easier, because your main flow of thinking begins to be more and more positive, healing, and calm.

I have spent many hours wishing I'd said that, or done this, or not said that, and so on, at social gatherings. I really think it is normal - whatever that is!