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The Cold Waiting Season

what I had in mind last night

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7:45 a.m. the beep of my cell phone pulled me out of my unconscious, sweet state. Yeah, that is not a good way to wake up. Why can’t I wake up with the morning light of the sun and the soft birds’ noises? The truth is that it’s my own fault. Last night, on my bed, I couldn’t quit my reading. Every chapter made me long for another one and the opening words of the first new paragraph got me completely unwilling to close the book. I looked the time on my cell phone screen (I do have a clock in my night table, which ticks, but for months its hands haven’t move.) and I say begging to it, “just another chapter.” It kept silent looking me with serious 11:34 p.m. eyes. I submerge again in my reading, discovering more feelings of m favorite characters; imagining their world, their lives; giving them faces and voices, forgetting my own.

When I looked back at the screen, it told me I’ve read fast enough this chapter. “Give me more time!” I screamed in my head though it came out as a whisper (my sister had fallen sleep hours ago.) as if the cell phone had asked me “what do you want?”

“10 minutes before midnight”, yes, I could read one chapter more. I had begun reading when a noise in my sister’s room raised all my fears to my mind. It was my mom with no doubt. Without thinking, I turned off my lamp as fast as I could silently with fear that the knob of my door would be turned around by my mother’s hand. I could hear her voice already scolding me and could see her silhouette against the hall’s light standing in the door. “No, no, no, no,” I repeated in my mind while I closed the heavy book and placed it under my pillow.

It got silent. I was safe. No one opened the door. Soon every noise in the house ceased, and my parents’ room door was shut closed. I was left alone to myself. “I won’t open the book again,” I said as a promise to God. I wouldn’t. Soon, hundreds of thoughts ran into my mind. I was worried about the future but tried to focus on the present. The past brought me some questions but ‘I placed them neatly on the shelf’. There I started to talk to Mister God. I prayed, I asked again. “Take away any fear from me,” was my last plea.

Rolling from one side to another in my bed, I found out my mind was too clear and awake as to sleep. “What? I won’t be able to sleep now?” I asked God. Instead of opening the book, I grab my pen and my notebook from the night table and wrote down what I had in mind, thinking that if I waited for the morning it would be gone. Writing the last line I just had one virtual place in my mind and heavy eyelids over my eyes…

Updated 06-29-2009 at 05:20 PM by The Walker

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  1. Virgil's Avatar
    Goodness I know how that feels, though I tend to need sleep so much these days that I am so tired the desire for sleep outwieghs the need to keep reading. What were you reading? "Mister God" - I loved that. I've never heard anyone refer to God in that way. It's cute.
  2. The Walker's Avatar
    I know! I'm so stubborn! I can be soo tired but still I cant stop reading I'm reading Mansfiel addictive.......well Austen always is.
    Yeah, "Mister God", I know. Actually I took the saying after reading a book called 'Mister God this is Anna'
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    I never read Mansfield Park. I still intend to read Persuasion this summer.
  4. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    ! Haha. I know that feeling... when it gets to the point that you've ready the same sentence ten times and still can't make sense of it because your eyes are closing without your permission, it's time to stop.
  5. qimissung's Avatar
    You have a very nice writing style. I kept reading, wondering if YOU were going to continue or stop or start again.

    It's kind of amusing that your reading Mansfield Park. I am currently not reading it. Or rather, I started to, but I have put it aside to read other things. Usually I enjoy Austen (Persuasion is good, Virgil), but I'm not particularly enjoying this one. I'm just gong to take it slow. Happy reading and writing, Walker.
  6. The Walker's Avatar
    Becca, that happens to me wih history and science but no with novels; they seem to wake me up even more

    Thanks Quimissung! I just finished the book and to tell you the truth I knew the end since the beginning, it was the development of the story which surprised me.

    Virgil, I almost forgot you hehe. I've heard Persuasion is good and I've been anxious to read it, but Mansfield was given like a present recently from a friend...e just knew I liked Jane Austen...

    BTW, it was 1:24 a.m. of the 22th when I finished this blog entry...there, you figure out something from the story...