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My Son and I

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I know I usually bore or confuse people with my literary goings-on, but today I'm going to talk about my son.

I usually don't discuss him because my parents and I talk the subject to death, while I have no one to discuss my thoughts with - they confound my father and my mother never replies, except to sigh or criticize.

Somehow, I spawned the direct opposite of my self. While I am highly introverted, he is highly extroverted. While I am intuitive, he's sensing. While I'm a feeler, he's a thinker; we both have our share of perceiving/judging qualities, but what we "perceive" v/s "judge" are in direct contradiction.

Our relationship is always a great struggle for me, but quite easy for him. Since he loves to talk, I let him, and I try to listen (though it is an assault on my mind to do so). After about 3 hours, though, I can't stand it anymore and have to retreat somewhere to be alone and give myself time to think.

I always feel guilty for being unable to sustain him.

The boy also loves sports -LOVES BASKETBALL. He eats, sleeps, breathes it. I know all the names of the all-stars even though I didn't care to know them.

Me - I always caused my team to lose (like in intermediate school, when my mom stuck me in basketball (?!) and I landed on an all-star team that basically ignored me because I was ineffete and ineffectual). In fact, I almost suffer from a PTSD when it comes to sports. If it's merely suggested that I should play - I am seized with a sudden, petrifying anxiety - all the abuse I took as a child for making my team lose is still up there in my head, somewhere.

As for thinking / feeling - I don't consider myself a intellectual moron, but my son has a greater capacity for mathmatical/logical thinking than I do. For instance, we bought a game of chess. My dad tried to make sense of the instructions, and got all confused. My son was equally confused. I read it, understood it, and came up with a simple cheat sheet which listed each piece on the board and what it could or couldn't do, short-hand. My dad understood but was intimidated (this is the fiscal genius here), so I taught my son to play. The first one or two games, I had to help him out a bit. After that, he beat me - consistently. My 12 year old wins every game of chess I play with him, and I am the one who taught him how to play!

Plus, the gifted and talented group tried to draft him into their mathmatic class. (If I hadn't seen him come out of my body, I would wonder if he was in fact my child).

Yet my little mathmatician cannot seem to remember to do his homework, or study for a test. We had to literally imprison him in his room each day with nothing to do except study before he became willing to try.

And he hates to read.

I love him even though from my perspective he is an alien from another planet - the planet of normal people, I think - but how in the heck does an literary-lovin intellectual introvert spawn a math-loving, book-hating, basketball-playing child???????????????????


  1. 's Avatar
    Hey Countess, your son sounds like my son (except the basketball!)! I have tried and tried to get my son to love books to no avail, only to find that he pours over non-fiction: dictionaries, encyclopaedias, books about electricity, history, world war two, explorers, you name it: if it's factual he reads it. I came to realise there was no point trying to push him in the direction of fiction, in this respect the best I can get him to do is to endure Roald Dahl (he is coming to like him! Yipee!) and he loves graphic novels primarily because of the pictures. My son loves maths too, hates writing though he is incredibly imaginative. Hates homework with an absolute passion. Don't worry: though he is different he is still a part of you, I bet there are loads of ways in which you are similar but being so close it can be hard to see it. I was sorry to hear he had gone to live with relatives - that must be hard; I know if my son was away for any length of time I would be truly heartbroken. Anyway, from what you have written he sounds like a wonderful boy, and it also sounds like you love him a great deal. What more could a mother and son want or need? Take care, Fifth
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Well your son is an individual, and you can't mold him into a replica of yourself. As long as he's doing good in school, he should seek his own fullfilment. As long as he gets his diplomas at various levels he should be able to have a good job.
  3. Countess's Avatar
    Oh don't worry Virgil, unlike my own parents, I praise him for what he does well, and encourage him in those activities. It's just a conundrum to have a child so different than myself. FE - you're right; we're similiar in our emotions. We both fiercely love and protect one another, and we're both spiritually led, I think. I've often told him that the only person I have in the world is him, and that's the truth, though so many people love him, because he is quite loveable.
  4. ampoule's Avatar
    And how much stranger it is to have three sons very close in age who carry the same genes and were reared the same way be totally different. But, like you, I try to celebrate all of it. You and your son sound very special.
  5. motherhubbard's Avatar
    I understand how you feel. Before kids I would imagine how we would enjoy this or that because they would naturally like the same things I like. None of them are much like me or even like each other. And they all like country music - yuck - thatís a lot to live with!
  6. kiz_paws's Avatar
    Your relating of the nightmarish being thrown into a team was very much similar to my being thrown onto a team (but it was volleyball). I could never serve properly (still can't), and yeah, I totally remember the heckling, etc. Glad I'm over that hump in my life, let me tell ya! But anyhow, I loved to read about your son -- he sounds totally loveable and I can read the pride between the lines, my friend. You both rock! Cheers, Kizzo
  7. Sweets America's Avatar
    Oh, I know your feeling about sports! Now about your son, as the others said, he's a different person and you can celebrate who he is, but I understand what motherhubbard said about thinking we're going to have a child who'll enjoy the same things as we do, and finally it can be so different.
  8. mtpspur's Avatar
    You and I shared the same gym experiences. Ironically I love sports movies but could care less aboout going to aball games even though Dayton has a team. Second son Dan is very very much the opposite of me and I often wonder how he turned out so well in spite of me. It's good to know he loves you and I wish very mch he could stay with you. It's good to have you back on the net a bit more Countess I have missed you more then I have said. You fill a necessary part in my life here asdo others here. We all have something to give to one another here adn my friendship and concern is always there for you. I even miss yor OB references.