View RSS Feed


depressing thoughts

Rate this Entry
"I do not understand what I do.
For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.
For what I do is not the good I want to do;
no, the evil I do not want to do --this I keep on doing."
~Romans 7:15,19
These verses pretty much sum up my current state. I keep doing things I don't want to do. Not really evil things, just things that are stupid, immature, a waste of time. Things that don't really fit in with my ideals. And I procrastinate like crazy with the things that I want to do.
I find I don't really like myself. I don't approve of my lifestyle. If I was someone else and I met myself, I probably wouldn't want to hang out with me. Is this normal? I have such lofty and noble ideals, dreams, goals, principles. Why can I not live up to them? Every night I think, "tomorrow will be different." But it never is.


  1. mtpspur's Avatar
    If you only knew!! I have a spent my life as a Christian on both sides of the battle of the flesh versus the spirit. I'll go you one better I have done evil and I have found one thing. God is merciful because He is. I rarely meet people that remind me of me that I like. My nature is such that while I 'like' being happy I purposely limit it because of a fear of losing it all. There are very few of my moral principals that I have not betrayed and stomped into the dust whereas five minutes sooner I was certain I could never do this. That's why it all of grace and not of works. Only advice I can give you is keep in prayer, keep in the Bible and turn it ALL over to the Lord. I speak as a hypocrite at my own advice but I hope to spare you 30 years of mnetal torment. Read Bunyan's grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners for hsi personal soul battles. Oddly enough for all my worries and self doibts my wife and acquaintances think I'm ok. I believe strangely enough that it's a perverse form of PRIDE that keeps me hamstrung. Best to you. Rich
  2. B-Mental's Avatar
    I've been there before...I wish you the best. Sometimes if I focus on the things that happen around me (its silly, I know) but something like the grass growing. See what you haven't seen there, and hopefully you find a release. Art is pure release. Let it out if you must, but never hurt yourself.
  3. Weisinheimer's Avatar
    Thanks mtpspur and B-mental. You really encouraged me.
  4. mtpspur's Avatar
    I read this entry to my long suffering wife and her idea for your goals and dreams is to write tem down and do whatever it takes to pursue them as opportunities arise--from Ruth my anchor to reality.