by, 01-23-2008 at 12:59 AM (3510 Views)
I love you. I haven't learned to love you-- the opportunity to understand and discuss topics ranging from the self to penguins in one's head have really expanded my mind.
This love, was too great, because, my mind went bonkers. I'm not ready yet, and I don't have the utmost inner strength and experience to survive in these forums, without becoming so confused that it becomes self-destructive. You're wonderful, but I am not ready yet. Some can live with this sort of stuff, but I've begun to think beyond of what should really matter...I mean, that I always evaluate every step of mine so thoroughly that I become anchored down and not progress. As the beginning of my spiritual pursuit, I must look within my self before looking critically at others. So, I'm leaving. I don't know when I'll come back, but you know you'll still be the greatest experience I ever had. But, lit-net, I need to go out in the world. I need to find and learn and become the tangible things to understand abstract thought.
I apologize that this is a very punctuated, and abrupt decision, but I tell you, next time I'm here, you'll get what I owe you...which is a lot.
You have no idea how hard this is for me, I mean, I made such AWESOME friends, it really kills me. But I need that self-discipline to get on with progress. I feel like sometimes, I'm a hermit that needs to move on, and change surroundings to learn about the truth of life. My material soul has been whispering thoughts that hold me back to go anywhere in life, and until I master to control that, I shall be gone for a long while. I hope this site lives on...I really would like to return back to it, when I feel that I can.
I'm really gonna miss soooo many people here, I feel so overwhelmed.
I love you all. I really do. I took this forum in like it was my second life. And I'll still feel that connection with the ones I had a bond with even after I sign off for a long time. Though I wouldn't talk to you guys everyday, I'll feel that love.
If I miss some people, it's purely because I'm dumb, and I have an AP Physics final tomorrow...I apologize before hand:
B-Mental: God! I don't know where to start with you! You've taught me this refreshing perspective in life, that I could never ever ever get through anyone else, I know that for sure! I've had such a magical time whenever we'd talk and the things you say are so profound. You should be so proud of yourself that you affected one itty bitty girl's thought-proccess and emotions...This is the highest form of honor one can ever ever recieve. You've changed me totally..and I feel that aura now. I do see that cat, where ever she is...and I see the deer, and the elk, and the bear...And your wonderful sci fi novel. That's the most peaceful writing I've ever ever read. Everytime I read something of yours, I'd either tear up or become so calm. That bear is you my friend. I hope to reach that level of sincerity and just cool-ness. I do apologize that I misunderstand approximately every poem you write...But I love the meaning I hear from you. Everything just sooo coool.
Kiz_Paws: Okay, one thing I do know, that every Canadian I met in my 17 short years, he/she was very cool and totally different from each other. But you transcend that, you have such a wonderful way of saying things that I could say rashly. And you're sooooo optimistic, and sensible at the same time. And that inner-child, I hope, never fade away, because it lights me up whenever you have that fun attitude (which is all the time). I can't imagine how lucky your husband (and peppa) are...You have the best attitude that alot of people lose because of these dark and ever changing times. I love you kiz. I do.
I started making paper dolls, but I only did yours. SO here:
NikolaiI: I'm seriously humbled whenever I see your posts, no matter if they're on the game threads or the philosophy/religious threads...I really look up to you as this ever-progressing person. I swear that you're a monk in disguise. Your path to enlightenment has done wonders to you, and I marvel at that. I've seen so much passion and hurt, and devotion in your blog...I do pray that you go on, and stay happy, and have peace in your heart. I would like to continue talking about stuff after I come back. But during this time, I'll read Karl Jaspers, and some Watts (if I find articles by him ) And I'll definitely read the Gita.I'm very glad I met you.
Lady Wentworth, Shalot, Papayahed, You guys are way cool. Your interests and your totally unique personality used to make me look forward to coming back home and checking what's up on lit-net land. Shalot, I love your name, don't change it-- especially your crazy monkey avvie
Pendragon, Mtpspur, Virgil, PrinceMyshkin, Jon1jt: pen, Jon, and prince...your poems are awesome. YOu guys are pros at every feeling you wanna convey, and you do it so effortlessly! I love that! And Mtp, I have only known you for only a short amount of time, but I always take your advice to heart...you're soo cool. Oh and Virge, I love your blunt opinions and rational thinking...I'll totally miss them.
Kit: Your name is soo hard to spell! anyway, you've such a vibrant thing to you, and you're soooooo inteligent, and at times, very scary I hope you keep this up...and I hope those librarians leave you alone!
Lily Adams I bow to your awesome devocoolness. Your coolness chokes me
Baki, steph, sweets: You all are so different but have one thing in common. Your personalities are very strong. You have opinions on everything and anything, and all of you go through such loss and recover so fast! It seems like you guys are invincible or something. I'm sad to leave without getting to know you guys more.
eyemaker, Jamesian, Hira, aashishameya, amalia, nighteshade, Niamh, Sleepy, robinhood: I hardly got to know you guys...if ony I stayed longer!! I do remember you guys, and have very interesting memories with y'all...James and that one night we went crazy with the word assosciation thread...and Niamh and her irish-ness...and eyemaker and her countdown to negative infinity...and sleepy, how could I forget the totally awesome Kraut konspiracy thread?!
Mazhur: you're quite a charachter, I've got to say! Your extremely romantic haikus, but then your deep and painful poems that you write. I will follow all the links you gave me...And I'm keeping those PM's
everyoneelse Your awesomeness is what brought you to lit-net...and I hope not help on your homework *grrr*...I'll miss you all.
Anyone I forgot..I didn't forget; everylit-net memeber is a part of me!!!!! I'm not being all "everyone's a winner"-ey...I really mean it!
And how could I forget Admin (totally cool site, if you haven't got the hint from the letter ), Logos (thanks for helping me out for the few times when I did need help...I didn't get to know you, but I already know you're coool..and keep spreading the March 29th thing!), Scher (I do believe I've broken a few forum rules here and there...thanks for not banning me and instead giving me warnings ), Aimus...you're too weird. Which is awesome in my cooliometer!
Oh and Lote and LadyW...you remind me of two charachters from a book that bicker about each other but in the end fall madly in love (you both have probably read the book, so I'm not gonna say)...there, I said it, and I do think it's true You guys keep on having fun and being outrageous...and LadyW, I love your taste in movies!
I love you all. And I wish you all peace, and happiness in the future...oh and guidance!
you guys could contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want, anything, anytime.
Lots and Lots and lots and lots of love,
P.S. I really really love y'all.