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A Late Epiphany

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Tonight God let me know something as I was rushing out the door with all my things in hand - trying to get out before the future in laws caught the tears in my eyes. I learned that it is not within my right to try and change someone I love, to think I can change someone, or to hope that because that person loves me...ingrained beliefs and feelings he has carried for years will suddenly change. A person has the right to be anyone he wants to be and to think, do, and believe what he will. Who am I to try and change that? Afterall, don't we all want to have that right? The only choice I have in that matter is whether or not I can marry that person based on what I know.

But maybe it is a little too late to have realized that.

Not too sure where to go after that piece of information...other than, if you are not married yet, don't get a cell phone plan or internet service that depends on your relationship...you will find yourself without a means of communication.

I am not getting married.
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  1. applepie's Avatar
    Oh my gosh Grace. What happened that got so bad? You seemed to really have everything going good. If you need to talk feel free to send me a PM. I'm really sorry about whatever happend. You're in my thoughts and prayers. ~Meg~
  2. mtpspur's Avatar
    Lauren, dear sister and Friend, I'm very very sorry about the wedding. I always thought that you were the spiritual light in the relationship but that's almost a given in most Christian couples I know. BUT if this was not God's will for you He has even better plans ahead or you. It takes great love for the Lord to set aside our desires and place Him first. Pretty sure I rarely practice it. Now I'm guessing what this is about if wrong I apologize. You are in my prayer right now and remmeber the Lord Christ loves you at all times. I wish I had more words. I love you too and admire you more then you realize for your faith, stength and warm heart.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    I am sorry to hear that Grace. Best to have realized that now than later. It will be ok Grace. You are a young, intelligent, pretty (though I'm not sure I've ever seen your picture, but I'm sure you are). Perhaps he wasn't right for you afterall.
  4. motherhubbard's Avatar
    I'm sorry about that, but it's a good thing that the epiphany wasn't too late. But when two people get married they do change each other, and they should as long as they are each changing for the best. It's kind of like the way a dog and it's owner sometimes kind of look alike. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Things may be different in a day or two.
  5. Countess's Avatar
    I don't know what happened - but I'm sorry if that matters. As Whitfield once said "Man hath a free will to go to hell but none for heaven", or - in Buddha's words - "Hold on little bit". "Hold on little bit" means letting go. (Strange that I have had to practice that advice with the very man who gave it to me. ) It's difficult to allow a person to be who they are when they are going in the wrong direction, but it's wise. So, "hold on little bit", "Let go and let God" (thanks to AA for that one).
  6. Janine's Avatar
    Grace, my good friend, I will email you a longer email later. I sort of knew this might be coming; I am proud of you for taking the first step. You have great courage and you are a fine young lady with a good heart and much to offer. I do believe that you are making the right decision. I know all of this hurts terribly, even unbearably, right now; you have a great strain in handling school and your own place, all at once, as you pointed out earlier. I believe that, with the help of all your great friends (on here) and otherwise, and your church's wonderful support, you will get through this breakup and you will have a happy life, no doubt meeting the right person in the future. Then you will look back to this day and thank yourself for making the right decision. Where there is doubts in a relationship, then one needs to heed that warning and you have done so. And if don't meet anyone new for awhile, it is no tragedy, either. One makes one's own happiness and it is not dependent on another person, necessarily. One must be complete and happy within oneself, to make a relationship work and be a happy fullfilling one.
    I think this broadcast sermon you heard, was meant for you to hear, at this particular time. These words and guidelines spoke to you personally, and you took in what you heard and thought about it in perspective. You have not make any snap decisions here; this is wise. You can't 'change a person' and you would not want to, as you said and it does not mean you don't love them deeply. I have 'let go' myself with this same thought as the cataylst, so I know.
    I feel badly for you, because I know this is so difficult; it is a big disappointment and a let down. However, life is good and you are young, smart and very attractive; you will go on to have a very good life, Grace; just believe it. I know it to be true in my heart.
    I am here for any support you need and as a good friend, always, you know that.
    Take care, hugs ~ J
  7. B-Mental's Avatar
    I think, if memory serves correct, he was your high school sweetie. You are still so young, and so much more of your personality will change even in the next couple of years. I think its for the best, and sorry if you feel any pain. Keep smiling though, the right one is out there. B
  8. andave_ya's Avatar
    Oh grace, I'm sorry. No sage advice from my part but lots of love and prayers from a fellow sister over to your way.
  9. grace86's Avatar
    I will comment later to some of your guys' questions. Some of you I gotta get back to in PM or IM...thanks for being so sweet. Life's been a little busy right now as well as painful...leaving for Texas tomorrow to see mom and dad. I'll be talking to some of you...but thanks for all your kind words.

    Oh...and I've no trouble smiling still.