A meandering mind
by, 08-07-2007 at 04:28 AM (599 Views)
There isn't too much that has been going on in my world. My mind has been wandering for a couple of days, and I'm finding it difficult to focus on any single task for long. My days have been filled with an unending parade of random thoughts ranging from mundane things to life altering decisions. One theme that seems to keep revolving in my head is a question of who I am. I don't really seem to know anymore.
One thing that is really surprising me is this growing passion that I'm finding for writing. I've always enjoyed to read books, and I've devoured them over the years. Writing was never something I was too interested in, and when I did find that I wished to write the story normally fell flat before I was able to pen it. Now, here I am and I have this story turning around in my head. Not just a story, but a series of three stories that will be a complete adventure set. This is a new feeling for me. My muse has always been somewhat passive and she normally left me for the stress of life, but this time is entirely different. I can almost feel the story pressing on me, demanding that I write it. I've more ideas than I have time to write, and amazingly they are not disappearing when I don't get them written down immediately.
I've been wondering who my character, Arabella, was, and I think I've finally figured it out. She is a little of me mixed with bits of what I would like to be and what I see as the ideal good person. She is unselfish, honest, just, and caring. Arabella is also intelligent, pragmatic, and driven for sucess. She has managed to fill her world with a sucessful career as well as close friends and family, but she has also sacrificed things like a husband and children of her own for her job. I guess she is what I may have been if my life had went the way I once planned.
Writing is making me take a long hard look at my life and what I really think of it. I've often found myself wistful for what may have been had I done things differently, but then I see how empty it can be to be so separate but never really alone. So, what am I now? I've never planned to be a writer. Some people grow up wanting nothing more than to write stories for others, but that was never a goal. Now I find that I am enchanted by the idea, but I question if I have enough talkent to make it work. I'm soon to enter the business world, but can I curb my somewhat eccentric ways and conform? I'm a dreamer and someone who will often just drift away on the wave of a thought rather than focus on the task at hand. I would much rather have my thoughts occupied with whether I believe in vampires and werewolves than business plans and figures.
I guess I've found that I'm an artist, not a scientist, as I one thought. I'll not call myself a write, because I'm not too sure if that is true, but I am an artist. I paint pictures in my mind, and I'm learning to bring this charmed world to others through my tales. With each chapter I add, I am trying to bring the reader into this fantasy I have woven within my own mind. It is a tapestry that will be built over the course of my story, or stories as the case may be, so that when I am finished you will be able to know this fantasy world as I do. I still have no real ambition for publication, though it would be an enjoyable prospect, but I would like to share with others the bits that leave me so enthralled. I've another story sitting on the burner to write after my first novel about Arabella.
I'm starting to really ramble so I'm off to bed. I hope that at least some of you are enjoying Arabella's tale. I've posted another chapter in the Kings, Queens, and Pawns thread so check it out if you can find the time. As always I love any feedback you can give.