Online Lit Therapy
by, 07-24-2007 at 11:22 AM (773 Views)
Apparently Lindsey Lohan was arrested today for another DUI. Also in the news, the sun rose this morning.
Thanks to everyone for putting up with Anthony conversation. I know none of you wishes to hear me whine and complain, "watch" me mope and brood, but I don't think *not* talking about it has gotten me very far, so I'm using this blog as a form of therapy.
You all are my therapists; how does it feel? You're much better, btw, than licensed therapists and I don't even have to pay you. Online Literature: fulfilling your literary and psychotherapy needs one day at a time.
Okay, now let me prate a short bit about the bastard I love: I want to strangle him. I told him some time ago he needed to leave the alcohol alone, that he was developing a problem. Even in "Hanging by a Thread" I suggested it in the scene where Drew was drunk - I tried to paint it for him so he could see himself (maybe I should have been a bit more graphic). I recognize myself in him in so many ways - if God ever made a male version of me, it's him; he's got the same androgeny, ambiguity, self-hatred, conflicted emotions, battle between flesh and spirit. I want to save him from himself not only because I love him, but because I want to symbolically save myself as well. I don't know if you understand what I am talking about. He's so lost, and I love him so madly I want to rescue him, and I know the way - I found the way (at least part of the way: I can lead him only as far as I have gotten today, but it's better than where he is presently). I want him to surrender, give up the drink and smokes and stop the insanity.
This picture was taken on the 20th. The idiot teen girls have their heads stuffed so far in the sand they can probably see up Hong Kong skirt: ("he's tired". Yeah - after coming home from the Groucho club he's simply "tired"):
That is what I looked like at my very worst, btw. I'd go to the club alone, meet some friends and hang out, get plastered, then go home alone looking like that.
Here's another photo you've seen before: what I didn't tell you there are others like it where it's clear the arse can't walk by himself:
He makes me SO ANGRY! Inside, I really want to kick his arse. He has the world at his feet. He's beautiful, rich, successful, brilliant (really, a very intelligent man), creative , a snappy dresser - I mean, he has everything anyone could ever want: he even has a girl here who loves him madly for himself (despite wanting to strangle him for his self-destruction tendencies).
What is his problem? Why can't he just see the way?
I understand people like me (lifetime losers) hitting the bottle, killing themselves one day at a time. At least on some level there's justification. But him? I know he hates himself; I know he feels inferior, but it flies in the face of all evidence and testiment to the contrary.
Maybe he really is mad.