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Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

A Plant Thief

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*Added later*
I just looked it up. It's a thing. Turns out I was lucky to keep any of my tomatoes last year. I'm not so sure about growing veg this year now. They have to be out front for the sun. The back is a bit too shady. Ironically we got new, bigger pots for the lavender. This leads me to believe that last years planters haven't yet been stolen because they're full of dirt? I guess I need to worry about all of it. I was so proud of my tomatoes last year. I did worry that someone might pick a few but now I have to consider that the whole plant could be stolen. Sigh. I've been so excited about trying to grow different things this year.
Addition over.

Don't mind me. I'm venting.

I am pissed. Off.
So I've come here to complain as I do.
I've been thinking about the updates I haven't written yet.
My hand's mostly healed now. The blood blister scab came off a couple of days ago. We've worked out a better way of handling the dog. When she doesn't have the cone on then she has the lead on so we can restrain her quickly and without offering up appendages for attack. She's on pills for her thyroid. She needs to have meat 6% fat or less but NO chicken. So she's having venison and ostrich steaks and I recently discovered turkey breast mince is 2% fat. Excellent.

We went food shopping today. When we left I noticed the wind had knocked over my best lavender. It's a bushy little French lavender and looks the best of the three (the other two are another variety. They've had some problems). I vaguely remember writing about them last year. About how I wondered whether to get three or not and how it reminds me of Summer holidays and how I admire the 3-4 lavender bushed we might pass on walkies. I got two the same (because one didn't have a label and the other looked a bit sad and I didn't want to leave it but I'd only picked it up to check the price but then I decided to get both) and a French lavender because it looked interesting. It has done the best of the three. Sigh.
So I picked up up and moved it a bit further back on the windowsill (they're outside. It's one of the reasons they don't look so great but they're getting new growth. They're also in their original pots).

After food shopping we went pet food shopping and there's a DIY place in the same complex. I've been wanting to get bigger plant pots for this year. (I've collected some gardening magazines with "free" seeds. I say "free" because I got them for the seeds so they're not exactly free if you want the seeds but are neutral towards the magazine. I'm planning to plant a lot of things this year and to plant them better. My tomatoes and peppers were stunted last year).
So we went there and got some plant things and some other bits and pieces.

I don't know if it was still there when we got back. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe it just fell down and someone found it. I had to get the dog out.
It's been maybe 2 hours since we got home. I walked the dog. We fed her. Gave her a vet recommended dental chew, it takes her ages to eat them because it's rawhide and she hasn't had that for a long time, she prefers more flavorsome treats.

I'm settled down. Maybe I'll start watching cat videos or something equally relaxing/entertaining but overall useless.
Mum tells me the dog is standing at the door. Fine. I'll take her out again.
So I get out and think to check my lavender. It's gone.
The dog walk is abandoned. I must rescue my lavender. How did it fall down again? I moved it back. It's been very windy today.
Not there. I use the key light I have for emergencies. No lavender. The crappy plastic saucer is there. It's old and cracked but it fit perfectly so I duct taped the crack and it served it's purpose perfectly well. It's worth noting that the soil was dry. That's why it was so easy to blow over before. I'm not watering them and I haven't since the Autumn because I didn't want to flood them if it rained. The other two seem okay.
Still not there.

I get the dog back inside, get mum to come out and help so she misses the end of EastEnders and get a better light. We both look everywhere. The front garden is a mess. Rubbish blows in and/or gets dumped and the foxes bring their finds through. They've found a rubbish bag and brought it in, with holes shredded into it.
No lavender.
Surely not. No it's not possible. Maybe in the street? perhaps it rolled. It's highly unlikely since it was behind the bins but I check anyway.
I check inside the bins just in case.
Surely not. Could the foxes have taken it? Maybe it's in the back. Because the alternative would destroy what little faith in humanity i have left.
Not out back.
Someone STOLE my lavender!

What the actual ****?!

WHO STEALS LAVENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously. Who? What kind of fiend? What kind of worthless human being STEALS a plant? From a windowsill. Which it hard to get round to. And you have to lean over a bin with a bag of dog poo on it to get?

WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I've tried every way I can think of to give the thief the benefit of the doubt but I just can't see it.

Okay so maybe it looks a bit abandoned. But it's on my property. It's actually ON my house. Now if it were on the street then that's universal acknowledgement that you can have it. But it's actually ON my house and nowhere near the street.
Perhaps the wind blew it and it did roll into the street and someone just innocently found it and decided to rescue it. I might do that. I fail to see how it could roll into the street and here was no debris to indicate that had happened.
Maybe a fox...the foxes have ignores my plants for a year. The only time they've shown any interest is to poop in the empty pots of dirt over Winter. I highly doubt even the cheekiest and most playful fox would navigate our windowsill (which had empty window boxes to one side and a blueberry and blackcurrant plant I got at Christmas on the other, and they have not been disturbed). I just don't see how or why a fox would take it. So I can only conclude that it was taken by a human.


We have a theory that, what with it being Mother's day this weekend, someone stole it rather than buy their own Mother's Day gift.

But I still can't wrap my head around WHO STEALS A PLANT? Who steals lavender? Who stole my sweet little innocent plant?

Whoever you are you thieving bastard I hate you with the fire of a thousand suns. I wish you a life plagues with constant insomnia, tinnitus and perpetual diarrhoea from now until you breathe your last wretched breath.
The only way you can redeem yourself if to return my sweet baby or care for it better than I ever could. You must treat it like royalty. Worship it as a god and care for it accordingly.

So yeah.
That's why I'm pissed.
Sorry for ranting. Thanks for reading, assuming you made it this far.


I'm a vindictive person so I'm half tempted to start some kind of campaign but what's the point? I don't even have a picture of my plant to make a wanted poster and there's no way to prove that plant is mine. I'm not personable enough to harass people either in person, by paper or online and it's really not worth the effort and/or resources to do so.
I just feel so violated by the whole thing. Sigh. Ang angry. VERY angry.
I didn't eat breakfast today. That doesn't help.

Updated 03-11-2021 at 06:18 PM by Bluebiird



  1. Danik 2016's Avatar
    Well, I never...I can understand your concern about the tomatoes!
    But I'm glad managing your dog has become easier. Hope the special food and the medicine helps.
  2. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Truly a great blog post. Thank you for sharing. I really enjoyed the read. I wonder if you figured out what happened to the lavender plant.