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Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

Yes. I Dare

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-from part 1-
Ah. I went on too long. But I've spent a long time typing and if I delete it I may never write it up again then it'll be one of those stupid things that haunts me for no reason. Do I dare waste the time and space of others with a part 2?

-part 2-

Shopping is not to be touched for 3 days when we bring it home. With it being Summer now that's becoming less practical and mum's had several carrots rot. Seriously. Put it in the fridge. We're not even eating them. She's making the dog a dinner every week (that's shopping week, not literal week). We have cool stuff in the necessary place (fridge and freezer. Although the freezer only half works but still. If the freezer worked properly I'd have filled it so much with emergency food. Probably a good thing it doesn't work so well then) but it we can help it it's not to be touched. Though it does touch other stuff in the fridge. I only thought to clear a shelf in the fridge and freezer last week (that's last shopping week) should've been doing that from the start idiot. The 3 day rule also means I forget what I've got for dinner a lot and I forget it spends 3 days in quarantine. It goes out of date on the 7th. Great. That's in 4 days time. So does this. that's fine. And that's on the 8th. It's only the 3rd today so that's great. Oh I also have a thing from last week that goes out of date in a few days. That's fine. 3 day quarantine ends. Ah. These two go out of date on the same day. That's fine. I'll have that one a day later. It seems fine. Oh. But that thing goes out of date a day later too. I guess I'll have that a day later later. Oh wait. This one tastes funny. ****. Is it off or did they change the recipe a little? Welcome to adventures in food poisoning. Now retitled Blue's lockdown food poisoning roulette (Which I just named now). So far no obvious food poisoning. Not much diarrhoea either. Mostly constipation. Ah i think this one's off. Can I feed it to the foxes so it's not wasted at least? Yes. Good. At least it's not wasted but they'll get fat. Don't feed them again. No. it's too off I think. It smells funny. They'd probably be fine with it but no. I don't want my foxy babies getting sick. Better throw this one in the food recycling. What a waste. You're a pile of **** for being so wasteful.
I usually sit at my desk. My my desk chair is getting old and peeling now. Structurally it seems okay for now. But these things were never designed to be a main chair. So I clear off the other armchair and it in that to give this one a rest. I can nap in it too. Only trouble is it's older than I am and it's the one mum sat and slept in for over a decade (we thing it's why she now had a back hump. What joy) and the covering is falling apart so we put a blanket over it. That became so uncomfortable that mum ended up putting about five cushions on it to lean on but I had to take two or so out if I used it. So eventually we swapped it round for the other one since (as we never have guests) the other one is only used at Christmas when dad visits. And I usually sit in it over Christmas and new year because why not until we pile **** up on it again.
Sitting to sleep makes my feet hurt and sometimes the angle I'm at makes a point of my bum hurt. Not sure if it's the coccyx or below the coccyx but not the bum region exactly. I guess it would be classed as upper bum and or extreme lower back. (Originally the word was not bum but I changed it. *** is censored so you can't reference a member of the *** family such as donkeys but you can say arse which can only mean one thing and it sure as heck isn't donkeys? Madness)
Also if I want to turn my head my glasses bet pressed. They're plastic frames so I'm paranoid about them breaking and/or warping. These are the first plastic frames I've had safe for sunglasses and I don't have a backup. My optician has been closed during the cluster **** and I don't know if they're open yet because I can't get into emails. It's been coming up to two weeks now. That's a whole different cluster ****. This year I'd been considering getting another pair of glasses (the cheapest I can manage) to act as emergency spares and/or when I get sick of having to wipe my nose so my glasses don't slide down. There's no where to put them down and where there is I would not put something that goes on my face. So I have a freezer food bag on the table next to me and I put them in there when I want to nap.
I had started going out once a month. Just down to the shopping area.
It started with a coupon from the Body Shop. i wanted to go for Christmas because Mum loves their satsuma hand cream. But I put it off and didn't go. This is often how I get things done. i obsess about it until I'm sick of it and hate myself then go **** it let's go already.
And as her birthday's in January I was still feeling resentment for not doing it for Christmas. Added bonus is that and aunt has a birthday in January. It's the day before Mum's. Ah. Had. Was. That's the who who died. i wish we'd gotten her something nicer now.
So I thought I have a clever idea. Let's see what sort of gift things they have. i didn't want to spend too much though, since this would be my own money and I don't have an income (my income is what my dad gives me as a birthday/christmas present because that's what I've specified since I can't think of anything. It usually goes into paying for my glasses every few years and Christmas/birthday presents for family)
So on a day mum's at work (because I like the idea of performing "secret" operations and it's for her birthday) off I go.
I spend forever trying to pick a flavour. I'm not sure what she'd like. We haven't actually seen her since the funeral and we don't speak. We didn't know she had a little dog. That would've made gift shopping a little easier for us. Never mind. She'd moved after the funeral to be closer to her family.
In the end I got strawberry but I wasn't sure. I associate it as being a cheap sweet fragrance for teenagers. Well, from my teens anyway. i don't know what crap they aim at teenage girls now.
It comes in a nice little bag and I reason that if she doesn't like it then she can give it to someone else. I also get mum the hand cream (they used to do a big tube when she first discovered it. they only do little ones now) and a hand sanitiser for variety (how little I knew. There was a 3 for 2 offer. I got two hand creams. One will be saved for Christmas, since I'm unlikely to go out again. IF i'd known I'd have got two hand sanitisers) I also got her an almond hand cream for variety and maybe something else. i forget now. Maybe it was a deal on hand cream? or was the almond thing part of another deal. Anyway the total amount spent resulted in a coupon. i think it was 5 off when you spend 20...or 25. I thought. Ah. Doubt I'll use it but still. And while there browsed some other shops.
February. There's a joint birthday party for the mother if an inlaw (he's not technically an in law since they're engaged not married but who cares he's part of our family now). We've met her a few times but we don't really KNOW her. So I offer the idea of the Body Shop. Since I have a coupon why not?
It was a dismal day. I remember that. 3 members of staff for no customers (it was a weekday afterall) just like the first time. Take a while to pick a thing. In the end ask for advice. This is popular with older ladies (it was for her 70th, her son was turning 40 and their birthdays are close, that's why the joint party, so it had to be something nice. At least a little nicer than any old other birthday). I'm not sure. She tells me there's a slightly bigger/nicer one out back (shelf ones are a bit lackluster and the bigger ones are more than I hoped to spend (and the extra bits that justify the price aren't worth it in my opinion)) I don't like to cause her trouble but it is her job. So the brings it. Pretty nice. Actually very nice box, no extra crap and in my price range (as I don't know her well I don't know if she'd want/use the extra crap. And getting ladies toiletries/cosmetics is very cliched in my opinion (I know this from personal experience since the family do Secret Santa for Christmas. "Bath crap" as I call it is standard fodder for a female you don't know too well) at least a lotion or wash is simple and accessible to all ages and if you don't like it you could give it to someone who would. Sure it's not very imaginative but it's usually a safe bet).
But getting this gives me a total that awards me another coupon for next month (the coupons are for the next month so you can't stack them). No hand sanitiser this month. (in the end we didn't make it to the party due to some miscommunication but we delivered the gifts which were well received)
Two months in a row.
Will I venture out here again in March just to use the coupon?
Yes. Yes we did.
This was as things were heating up in regards to the brewing **** storm and the potential for lockdown was rising. Better pay in my Christmas cheques in case I can't later (smart and it was a welcome outing before all this). While we're out shall we make a day of it. Mum was with me for that. We can also see if there's anything we might get my dad for his birthday.
Body Shop? Since I have a coupon. They have other stuff that might interest you. Also we might get lucky and maybe no one's thought that the Body Shop sells hand sanitiser (since it was gold dust at the time. We didn't NEED any because I have a small collection because I have a germ awareness and also use it for cleaning some things (other than hands, like my desk) and they have some interesting/limited flavours (I mean scents. I don't eat it. I said flavours for fun)). Predictably none to be found but that's not surprising. She got some things. I gave her my coupon for it. We got another coupon for April. Nice. Let's hope I can use it. I've been starting to think this will be a thing every month. A bit privileged to be going every month but it's getting me out of the house, interacting with people and no one ever said I had to use the coupon. It's mainly an excuse to make me go. Go on. Go on. You have a coupon. Do you want to waste it? Go see what they have and/or what you can get for someone.
In i those 3 trips out I checked out an outlet store I've been curious about for a while. They many things. Cheap. I got a little jigsaw. It's a bastard to do. It'll little but complicated and takes me 3 days. On our last trip I got another to occupy me if lockdown happened but I saved it until after my birthday (as a bonus birthday gift. You have to pace yourself with new toys or you'll get bored of them all too fast) The first one was paperclips. This one is sprinkles. It takes me 3 days and it fits nicely on my desk. I also got some paint and a set of cheap plastic palette knives to try abstract painting with. We got some puzzles and a book for my dad's birthday too.
As I was going out every month I wondered what else I might do. I checked out the library. I've been meaning to for years. It was depressing. It's so diminished since my childhood. I also found the community center. They claimed to have several courses that might interest me. I don't know if I'd have actually gone but it was nice to see that it existed and where it was.
I'm getting out and about just a tiny bit more. I poked my head into the charity shop just to see what it was like. I've never bothered to go in one. i didn't like to unless i intended to buy something but I thought I should see inside. I have considered volunteering as a way of getting out and getting ready to start working because 10 years is a very long time to take a break to write a book now isn't it. Maybe I'll FINALLY go to the cat shelter and see if I can volunteer. I had that idea a few years ago. Maybe after Winter. When it's warmer. One of many nothing plans. But as I'm out now why not? Who knows. Maybe this could possibly be the ACTUAL start of me becoming a normal human, rather than just talking about ideas and doing **** all. I also started a very small exercise and self care routine.
Yeah. Then lockdown happened.
No going out just because and everything else slowly dissolved into nothingness.
I can't say that I would be doing something by now if the cluster **** hadn't happened. I know myself too well. I'd have given up before too long. But it would've been nice to see how I did while I did.
I also signed up for a "club" for somewhere I tend to buy a lot. You'd get a small coupon for your birthday and I thought of a funny password for it so I signed up. In a few weeks it would be my birthday and I'd see what I'd treat myself to. Lockdown. Closed. and coupons have a time limit. Good bye birthday coupon which is why I decided to sign up in the first place. Maybe next year. It's worth noting they were still trading on line so I could've used it but I don't like putting bank details online. I'd much rather shop (and use coupons) in store. None of that cyber crime.
Ah well.
I've been at this a while now. I'm tired and hungry and need to pee and it's gone midday.
These problems are nothing in the grand scheme of things. If it weren't for me being sad I'd have waited until things were better before doing the part 2 section. But once I started I didn't stop.
I hope things are better for every one soon. So far it's not been a good year for anyone.

Updated 06-16-2020 at 07:37 AM by Bluebiird



  1. Danik 2016's Avatar
    I hope things are better for you too, Bluebiird. I like to read your memories.