Barmy Blue's Bland Blog

So. I haven't got my blood test results yet. To be honest I'd almost forgotten about it all.

Almost.

It's supposed to take about two weeks to get the results and your GP is supposed to call you when they come in so you can book an appointment to get the results and discuss them.

Yeah.

It's been three weeks. No such call.
Then again not every surgery has the time to call for every little thing so I should've taken the initiative and called them sooner.

I called a couple of days ago and I'm booked in to get them on Friday. It's with our regular family doctor rather than the female doctor. That whole thing was pointless. I requested a female doctor because when you have....let's say issues. When you have issues then an examination is usually one of the first things to be done so I assumed that that would probably happen. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, she didn't. She discussed possible causes and tests that may need to be done in the future and referred me for a blood test instead. If I'd known that would happen I wouldn't have had to wait another two weeks just to see a female doctor and this whole thing could be over by now...or not...depending on what the problem is. I believe I mentioned what the blood test was for, it is an avenue that needs to be ruled out so that's fine, and I'm actually more comfortable with blood tests anyway.

So. That's all fine right? For now. There's nothing to do and nothing to worry about until Thursday when I get the results and have to take whatever news comes and deal with it then.

Ha.

You'd think so wouldn't you.

And that would be the case.

Were it not for the phone call I got today.

So. I get a call from the hospital.

Okay.

That's not worrying at all.

Asking about booking an ultrasound appointment.

Huh?

I should point out. No. I'm not pregnant. An ultrasound is sometimes used to check for abnormalities. Also there are two ways this can be done. One is the standard way and another involves using a probe, rather like how I imagine a colonoscopy would be (can't say for sure though, never had one), although it's not the colon they're checking.
But we don't need to worry about all that until I get my blood test results first and get to talk things over with the doctor.

Or so I thought.

Now it is possible that this was a scam. I've considered that. But it's unlikely. I did have to give my name, date of birth and address. But then again this is standard procedure for health care.

She seemed a little confused. Although not more confused than me.


Got a little mixed up here. My appointment is on Friday, she wanted to book me in for Thursday, which is even more suspicious.


Am I going to regret turning it down? I just don't know. She said they'd post me something instead. I guess for booking an appointment later on. I have no clue what's going on anymore.
I turned it down because; a) I don't know what the Hell is going on and b) because travelling to the hospital is something I haven't had to work out before (mum has taken me the past two times I had a blood test there and I don't know if she's working on Thursday, but it's quite likely) and it seems pretty silly to go on Thursday when I get my blood test results on Friday, I need to be able to discuss my options with the doctor. Also, you're not supposed to pee some time before an ultrasound. So public transport could get a little dicey.

Why is the hospital calling me about an ultrasound when I don't even know if I need to worry about that or not yet. Although I'm getting the sinking feeling that I do need to worry about it or I wouldn't be being asked about booking an ultrasound in the first place.

When exactly did this happen? I mean. Is it since my blood test results came in and the doctor contacted them? But then again I absolutely should have been consulted before something like that happened. Or did the female doctor from three weeks ago get in touch with them in anticipation, thinking that by now I would have the results and an ultrasound would have been discussed so notifying the hospital in advance would have been prudent. Maybe there's a waiting list for ultrasounds and she was trying to be helpful by providing me with a speedy service.

Do they know something that I don't? Does this mean that there's something wrong? There's so many things it could be. Could be something. Could be nothing. Could be a big something. Probably nothing. I hope it's nothing.

This whole thing is making me feel worse and worse. I don't have a job. So don't pay taxes. So don't pay NI. Which means I'm not contributing to the NHS, among other things. Which means I'm absolutely getting free health care. Which makes me a leech. Leeching off of society and not contributing anything. And if it all turns out to be nothing then I'm wasting NHS resources that I'm not even contributing to and someone who is contributing could be in real need but they don't get seen to in time because I'm taking up time and resources for something that turns out to be nothing. And because of all this I feel like it would be even more of a waste of NHS time and resources for me to seek confirmation and possible treatment for social anxiety and possible depression which, if cured, or at least managed, could maybe get me out into the world so I do get a job and start contributing. But then again maybe not. Even if they could fix my social anxiety (which hasn't been proven but I think is pretty obvious nonetheless) that doesn't necessarily mean that I'll suddenly jump up and get a job because I'm still very very lazy. And if that happened then I'd feel even worse for wasting NHS time and resources.

Ever get the feeling that you're going round and round and round in an ever deeper hole that you dug yourself?

It's nice to vent.

In other news. I'm nearly three quarters done with knitting my blanket, it's only been what six years now? Maybe not quite that long but still. I'm getting pretty close to the end of it now.

Three days ago I decided to learn to juggle. Yesterday I got a little better and juggling two balls but not perfect, dropped more than I caught but I have bad hand eye coordination so for me it was still a great improvement. I'm using balled up socks. Haven't done it today. Been knitting a bit, had to buy more wool first, it's taking more than I thought.

Someone keeps walking a little Scotty dog outside the house, off the lead too, it keeps coming into our garden. It sets Yuki off and she goes crazy jumping at the door, running around and whining. She tore the net curtains the other day, quite badly. I had to sew them up. Those net curtains are older than me, going on thirty years and in all that time having had a dog (before Yui), three cats and a child (me) they've never been torn. But one lazy ***** with an annoying little ****ing dog and Yui clawed a hole in them trying to look out the window, at the dog that's intruding on her territory. As you can see I am beyond p***ed about all that (the leadless dog, not the curtains.) She was worse today, going crazy. If it happens when we aren't here I'm scared that she'll really hurt herself. I'm trying to calm her down but it's not working. So I've refilled Yui's squirt bottle (I squirted her with a little water to stop her nibbling her fur too much. I mentioned before that's it's grown back very well now and she's not nibbling until she gets bald patches again) and if I get the chance I'm going to lean out of the window and squirt it if I catch it in our garden. So far no luck, but I'm hopeful, since vaguely threatening to kill it to an empty street wasn't getting me anywhere, and will make me the prime suspect if any dogs should happen to die around here. Best to keep statements like that to myself, even though they are idle threats, I could never kill a dog just because it's owner doesn't have it on a lead.

Also I got some new snuggle socks. I don't like to wear slippers and slipper socks too much because I can't stand it when my feet sweat but it is starting to get chilly and my feet are getting cold so it seemed like a good time. They are the cutest little things. They have little fox faces with fox ears so I call them my foxy socks. So kawaii! I also got some cute pyjamas.

Long blog. Late. Tired.

Bluebiird out.