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11:01 am 1/19/2013

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It's been awhile since I posted anything and now that I want to post I don't know what to talk about. let me start by saying that I have only 3 semesters left and by every single minute passing I'm getting more and more worried about what to do with the rest of my life, I mean i have alot of ideas and wishes and dreams but I'm not sure that I can make them come true. Creating something out of nothing takes courage and bravery, things that I am not capable of, I can't even stand up to my own parents, or give a speech in front of an audience. I sometimes still shiver when I when I want to talk to my professors. I don't know where that comes from, but I'm guessing that it's never going to go away. Every time I want to let go and just have fun, something inside me says :"No! you can't!" Maybe it's pride or concience or maybe both. Alot of the people around me tell me I'm scary and intimitating. I have a good laugh at that cause that's not really my intention to frighten people. I am very self-protective. But that's just who I am and it's my personality not a quality to scare people!
Ok, another subject. I've been trying to get some work done for this paper that we're going to publish, but I get distracted by all of the fun stuff I want to do, like knitting or painting or going to the park with my mom or going to a resturant with my friends, or even reading other books. I can't get anything done. This is totally me. I can never finish anything. That's the worst aspect of me. incompleteness. Is that even a word?
I have one more week before my 7th term and I'm so tired. I wanna lie in the grass out side and just relax without worrying about tommorrow but that's never going to happen.


  1. NikolaiI's Avatar
    Farnoosh you are one of the greatest people I know; and I mean that. From what I know of you, you understand people and events, and in my belief that is one of the greatest qualities, and most important ones; it's a predecessor to many other positives. It's not an easy task to live in this world, and because of that you've got to be strong. . . Follow your heart, it will always lead you where you're meant to be. Believe in yourself and never falter, because that is one important key to getting everywhere, and anywhere you'd wish to be.
    Updated 01-19-2013 at 05:32 AM by NikolaiI
  2. 2X2E5's Avatar
    For a second there I thought I had sleep written haha I laughed at the standing up to parents and nervousness when approaching professors because I'm facing that lack of courage on a daily basis haha... Like you farnoosh, I've got three semesters left and am feeling the angst of independence coming in the near future. If our conditions are anything a like; since I often misinterpret and rush to conclusion about the similarity of circumstances, we feel the day of independence and responsibility approaching. University has taught us not much in application and surviving in the real world but has prepared us with the ability for critical thinking (survival). Although it seems like the most useless thing to say as advice...don't worry about it too much. Go out tomorrow and lie down in the grass for half an hour, lose yourself in your imagination, and make every effort not to think about your responsibilities. Make your studying around those 30 minutes, instead plan it around your studies, otherwise it'll take weeks! Often it feels like in the rush to gain advantage while we're young, there is a lot lost,a lot of unnecessary stress. Personally by having these occasional walks and moments to myself, it loosens the stress and keeps me well concentrated on my future. It assures me that no matter what will happen in my employment and finances aka future, knowing I can enjoy these small moments reassures me of something certain in the future. As for after graduation, I hear from many older than me, that you'll sooner or later settle for something you'll like. If you dont know like me what that is, then by doing what you dont like you'll get a better idea of what you do, and by being yourself like Nikolail said, other kind people will want to help you out, you get connections to the job you like because you show a passion which to them translates a potential for them to earn money! hah :P
  3. qimissung's Avatar
    That is very good information, 2X2E5.

    I was like that a lot when I was younger, and I still dislike confrontation very deeply. I teach school, and being in front of a classroom helped a lot. Just practicing or experiencing facing people and talking to them helps. It's proven that regularly interacting with things that frighten us decreases their ability to frighten.

    And you are so correct about taking a few minutes to spend outside. It helps so much, and I so often forget to do so. Plan some carefree moments, farnoosh. It will help.

    You are intelligent and talented. What do you like to do? What do you love. Trust yourself to find your way, be kind to yourself. How you talk to yourself is as important as anything you will ever do.
  4. farnoosh's Avatar
    Nikolai, thank you for your words. Although they're very beautiful they still don't help. I'm not that brilliant or sophisticated as you make me sound. Asking me to have faith is a little bizarre, especially from you that knows "a little bit" about me. Faith has never been my strongest aspect and I don't think it ever will be. My views on life change by the second, every minute alters my mind and thoughts. I guess time would get me through it though.. I can always bet on that

    2X2E5, first of all, weird username; I like it. Second; I have that feeling too, it's like we're all experiencing the same things. It makes me feel good knowing that someone else is going through the same thing I am, knowing you're not all alone in it. But also it make me feel not that special and non-unique. so your opinion is in contrast with Nikolais'
    I agree that the university only gives you a lesson on the survival 101 book, but the whole experience of school I thought was to experience other things and get something more than the facts that you can collect on the way as you go through it. apparantly not. what a shame.
    Can you really feel happiness not knowing what's in store for you? I like to take care-free-long-walks too but it doesn't help the anxiety and fear of what's going to happen. Every moment in my life is ..rememberable, for now. It's not like I want to control the future or anything. Maybe I just want to make sure that there IS a future and I'm not wasting my time.
    Sadly that theory of do something you don't enjoy to find something you like, doesn't work for me. Cause I LOVE every experience even if they end up terrible.
    Being myself means scaring people away and giving them the impression, not intentionally, that I'm sucessesfull, so it's not gonna help. Other than that thanks for the comment and nice to meet you

    Does it really help? because, everytime I talk to someone new it scares me even more than it did last time. my fear of talking to people is not having to face them, it's about not knowing what they're thinking, I sometimes wonder if they are even listening and "getting" what I'm saying. That's the part I run away from. misunderstanding.