by, 07-01-2012 at 08:25 PM (472 Views)
Is it even possible for someone who does nothing all day to do even less than usual? Ah. No motivation. I don't even do the things I normally do which I'll admit aren't much. Usually I'll listen to music or watch catch up tv online at some point in the day. Ah. I can't even do that. Well. I can but it's not as fun. Since my mother is still at home all day every day I wear earphones to be polite. It hurts my ears though. I'm not blaming her. I couldn't. It's just that she's normally only home all day on the weekends and my weekend routine is different to my weekday routine. Since she's been home it feels like every day is a weekend. I hate it.
It's not going to get any better any time soon either. The prospects of finding another job in the company were slim and during her last visit they said that if they couldn't find something by the end of the month she'd be redundant. It's the end of the month. There'll be a letter sometime in the next week or so to confirm the redundancy.
Ah. She's 59 and has few interesting skills. I wonder if she'll be able to find another job long enough to reach retirement age. Of course, this whole thing only serves to make me feel even more like a pile of crap than I normally do. If I didn't have the motivation to get a job before I sure as hell don't now. Then again, when it becomes a matter of necessity then motivation is irrelevant. It'll be work or starve. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to wake up. Only thing is if I go to sleep and never wake up that'd make me dead and that kind of thinking sounds too close to suicide for my liking. If there's one thing I hate more than the idea of having to wake up is the idea of suicide. I wonder if I shouldn't be so down on the whole suicide idea. i do think things would be easier if I didn't exist but suicide makes for too many complications. It'd be better if I had never been born or if someone else had been born in my place. If you could alter time so that you never existed would that be considered suicide or not?
Enough of mentioning that depressing thing that I abhor. Any cheerful news. Any at all? The dog's booked in for spaying next week. She's finally over her phantom pregnancy so it's time. It's going to be so hard. We won't be able to give her treats while she's recovering because she'll get fat. We'll have to restrain ourselves. It's so hard to do. She's so cute. Ah. Spaying is expensive too.
Ah well. That's all.
Oh. I made a 3D origami peacock. His name's Glen.
Oh. One more thing. Never watch all episodes of Aeon Flux right before going to bed at 5am. You'll have freaky dreams.