day in a life

I got an e-mail yesterday from school about one of my classes, they moved it so I had to change my schedule a bit a drop a very interesting class called adaptation about classic books adapted to movies. It sucks but I had to make a choice and animals in books and bad guys are more interesting.

I thought about how lost I think I am in this odd place and looked around and realized that I am no more lost than other people they just show it in different ways and maybe don't think that much about it, but they are. How can they not be in this confusing place. We get influenced by smallest things people say to us or things we say and regret or wish we had handled differently. My biggest 'working on myself' part is not seeing other peoples action as a reflection on me but on themselves. My friend was gonna walk with her daughter a bit to get her to sleep after we had been sitting at a cafe and I asked if she wanted to walk with me to pick up my son and she didn't. First I thought she didn't want to do anything for or with me. Then I decided to look at it from her point and it was very simple, it was the opposite direction from her home. She took a circle close to her house rather than across town.

Simple things that are so easy to twist in your head. I was ready to be hurt for no reason and I wonder how often we do this, get hurt without the other person realizing it and for some stupid reason. What other people do shouldn't be able to hurt me unless I let it. And I don't want to do that.

My mom asked me if I remember my dad at all, and I don't. I have one or two memories of things he or we did but I don't remember what he was like or anything, just what people have told me and I created something around it. It's odd cause I know I loved him and I miss him but I hardly remember him. This is one of the odd things life does to you, gives you feelings you don't understand.

My son is obsessing on marriage now, his dad will get married in about two weeks so it's a big topic at his house. My boy just wants me to get married, he says he wants a step dad. It's funny to see his mind try and process an issue like this and ALL the questions I get on the subject.

I have gotten into a very nice routine where I feel like I spend more time reading than I did first after school was out. I was so tired of reading I hardly picked up a book but now I have finished a few books and a few comic books too. I am gonna start reading 'the little prince' for my son and I'm very excited about it, I have wanted to read it myself for a long time and now I am finally gonna do it.

My son will finish pre-school next week and we will spend four days together before he goes to his dads house for 18 days, don't know what I'll do. Hope I can spend some time with my brother, he will come from Italy July 6.

It's raining here on the ice now and I am so so very happy, it has been so dry and boring for almost the whole month. I do hope we'll get some more rain in the days and weeks to come.

In general life is lost and complicated but I can handle it, for now.