day in a life

I know I say this all the time but I just don't know how to stop, I think to much about the craziest things. A year ago my sister in law and my cousin decided they knew the perfect guy for me. I don't want set ups and I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship (I also think I use that as an excuse not to go out and do stuff) anyway I saw this guy a few days ago and this morning I told the girl I was working with that I found it funny seeing him and remembering that they wanted to set us up. Now this girl agreed with them that he would be great for me, I am sure they are wrong because I don't think they ( or anybody) knows what I want. I saw him at work and now I am nervous all the time cause I don't want to be introduced to him.

I have about a million excuses not to do things, I was invited to see my friends from school two weeks ago but bailed on them. I just couldn't do it. Now that I'm not in school I have closed myself up more. I don't know how I feel about that cause I do like it but sometimes not so much.... I make things so complicated in my head. I feel like I'm in overdrive and need my head to slow down.

Also I can't talk to people. You know in the movies there is often an awkward nerdy boy that has a crush on the cutest girl in school but get nervous talking to her and just babbles on about nothing. That's me, I am that awkward boy (except not a boy) that can't talk to girls. Not sure I want that to change though. maybe a little bit.

I don't want to be alone forever but I don't want a relationship. I want everything and nothing all the time. Nothing less and nothing more