day in a life

I could think about this comfort zone idea for ever if I had the time. But my thoughts now and after thinking about the comments from my last blog I am gonna try not to think about it that much, I am just gonna do what feels comfortable to me and not be bothered by the opinions of people around me. My mom told me that I should work on my social skills and talk to people on the street, and she said it in a way 'you can do it if you try(and you should!!)' I just thought to myself 'I don't want to' I saw a teacher from school (when I was 10) and I made sure to look the other direction, what do I have to say to him? nothing so why should I stress myself out by talking to him. I didn't even like him.

I also thought of something looking over my past blogs and notes, I am always talking about me being happy and alone, and alone and happy! WHY? I overthink everything (I talk about that a lot too) Why can't I just be happy in peace and when something happens I'll deal with it.

I am reading a great book now by Mikhail Lermontov called 'the hero of our times' it is a wonderful tale of a man that is not a good or decent man. The words used to describe him and things around him are so beautiful and I love reading these descriptions of human nature and I see so many people (including myself) in them. He truly is a hero of our times, I was trying to find a quote from it but couldn't. When I do I'll post it.

Now, here on the ice we have tales of old about people (not elves in this case) that live in the rocks and they have powers we can't pretend to know of. it was said that these people put their elders in the body of a child to make sure they were taken care of 'till they die and the child was taken to their world and used as slaves. I am telling you this cause I think this is what is going on with my son. He says things a six year old shouldn't. Before his birthday party he looked at me and said 'mom, I don't want music in my birthday, it's not a party it's a formal social gathering.' WHAT!!! what kid says things like that!!! he says things like 'this is all very technical' and when a sticker had been peeled of his desk he looked at me and said 'who would do this to me?' I had to pinch myself not to laugh.

He says things like this all the time and sometimes I just don't know how to respond 'ok no music in your birthday....gathering...'

I call him my mouse, I call all my boys that, also my brothers sons and they are not used to it and look at me like I'm crazy. I call my son all kinds of things, from animal to cuddly things and he answers everything. very funny.

Part II of part II:

I got a call from my doctor this evening (who happens to be the singer in a very popular band here on the ice) and he told me I need iron and B12. He is gonna put me on a special B 12 vitamin and the lack of iron explains everything that has been going on, both what I told him and what I didn't. I checked wiki for iron deficiency and the symptoms include hair loss, fatigue, the blood thingy and dizziness. Now the things I didn't connect with this but are symptoms are being very irritable and more likely to get infections in your mouth. I am so happy to know what it is and that it's easily fixed. I am gonna take my iron every day and I hope it has some affect on my mood, I get irritated so easily and I hate it, it irritates me.

I think I'll be a better mom if I learn to take care of myself. I read somewhere that people need loving the most when they deserve it the least and that is something I also need to think about when it comes to me.