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day in a life

my zone is comfortable

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by
Helga
, 05-21-2012 at 10:23 AM (327 Views)
I have gotten a few kicks from many directions in the last few days about comfort zones. Not directly but in my head they hit that zone. I am happy, I am not unhappy I feel good most of the time even though I am lonely sometimes i's nothing that bugs me a lot. I like my home and staying there. I do the things I know and follow a routine. These things make me happy. I play or read for my son, I pet my dogs and take care of all three. I read my books and watch my tv and drink my coffee in peace.

My mom told me about her friends daughter and how warm and sweet she is cause she hugged and talked to my mom when she saw her on the street. When I see people I know I usually look into a shop window and pretend not to see them and hope they don't see me cause I don't know what to say to them. This isn't something that bugs me, this makes me feel comfortable in my skin.

My friend from school told me yesterday that she is gonna have a wine and cheese night next weekend and she would let me know what time. I thought great I want to see these girls a bit over the summer so I won't loose touch but then I thought, aw it's in another town and I don't like going this far and stuff like that. I am gonna go if she does this but this is very out of character for me and as far out of my comfort zone as I am willing to go.

I read today about how you can only grow if you listen to the voice inside that pushes you out of your comfort zone. I just don't get it, why should I talk to people I hardly know and go out of my way to meet people when I am my own best company.

I love being with my son, but I also love the weekends when I am alone. Sometimes I don't talk to anyone except maybe my mom once in three days and I feel so happy and relaxed.

Another part of my comfort zone is I don't like having people in my house. My son's birthday party was last weekend, his birthday is on the 24th but we had the party last Saturday. I have in my kitchen a schedule about what we eat and our evening routine and in my bedroom I have quotes on my wall that help me stay focused and just I need or like. When my house is filled with people they read this. They put the baby stuff in my bedroom and see all this on my wall and check it out, they come into the kitchen and see my perfect schedule. I don't like this, this is my space and my stuff and thoughts.

The birthday went well anyway and my son loved it and played with his friends in the garden and it was nice. I was sooooo happy when everybody left. But the day was nice.

I am getting my blood tested tomorrow so I haven't been taking any vitamins for a week so the results are as true as possible. I don't know why I feel like this and why it all happens now cause I have been thinking about what I eat and I walk a lot everyday and I have probably never lived a healthier life... We'll see tomorrow.

I was at work today and at lunch I sat with 4 ladies that work with me. One is in a very unhappy marriage, one lost her husband 2 years ago, one has a very sick husband now and the fourth has a husband that had a stroke a year ago and can't work. I looked at them and thought to myself, wow, maybe I should just be alone...

Life is so very odd and great and terrible.

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Comments

  1. Virgil's Avatar
    Could you be taking too much vitamins? Could that be the cause?

    Well, except for the unhappy marriage, the other ladies would not justify being alone. Heartache and suffering is part of life, especially when it comes to people one loves. The love is more important than the suffering. Perhaps they're related. You sound pretty happy when it comes to your love for your son.

    I agree, "Life is so very odd and great and terrible." That's a great line!
  2. qimissung's Avatar
    Yes, I love that last line!

    It sounds like you have such a lovely life. I have often pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Nevertheless, it took years to get comfortable connecting with other people, and even now, I really don't have any friends outside of work.

    I think your going about it the right way. Your son has needs that you can't and shouldn't entirely fulfill, and going out just every once in awhile isn't being untrue to yourself.

    I think even in this you have achieved a nice balance, Helga. It keeps life from become stale, I think.
  3. LadyLuck's Avatar
    Solitude can be VERY nice Helga, but be careful that it doesn't let you entirely cut yourself off from the world. With that said, what you do here is still a form of connecting with people. Sure, online is a bit less personal than sitting around the table sharing coffee with friends, but it is still a way to connect with others. The wine and cheese night sounds lovely. I think mostly it is finding people who are interested in the same kinds of things you are. Friends who also enjoy a quiet night rather than partying may help you feel more comfortable outside your normal atmosphere.
  4. qimissung's Avatar
    Well, there's a group I go to two or three times a month and they are having a picnic this weekend. I thought about going, but decided to treat myself by not going. I would be fine with it if I could just sit in one place and have a few people to talk to, but you're supposed to move from group to group and I just can't do that.

    So it's going to be my home, my sanctuary this weekend, just me, a couple of books and a few movies. I am not going to do anything unless I want too. What bliss.