Living Breathing Contradiction...

....Isn't that the fate of all communities? People come and people go and sometimes those who stay can't or don't want to make friends with the new residents because they don't know how long they'll stay. This happens in the real world all the time so it figures it'd happen online too. When I joined it was mainly out of boredom that I stuck around. I had a lot of free time at school and I used this place to make up for my inability to make friends at school. I left for a while, when I ran out of things to say, and when I came back it didn't seem the same. Some people had gone and others had joined. I've never been confident leaving comments in the first place but since then I've felt like I'd been intruding on people's conversations or not qualified to give my opinion on things. I stick around to maintain my blog, so that I don't disappear completely but I avoid the forums.
It's only natural that people change. Their interests, situations and personalities change and they have to move along with that change. All we can do is wish them the best and hope it works out for them....not sure if this helps at all. Feel free to forget this comment.

I think things do change and we never think they change for the better. Young people seem to leave more quickly-they have places to go and people to see, after all, lol.

A lot of people have left. Almost all the kids who were here when I started are long gone. You left too, Steph. You grew up, you were busy with school. You have done an admirable job of making positive changes in your life-I'm glad you found friends here who helped.

I think there is something to what you say. There is a rather juvenile atmosphere nowadays. It doesn't bother me too much, as I work in a high school. () And there are cliques, but I have persisted and made some friends.

I hope you'll stick around and be a part of the change you wish to see. (I'd like to think that was an original idea, but of course it's not)

Steph--change comes on silent wings sometimes. I can't believe it's been about five years myself. I too remember that 'family' athmosphere and in many ways I miss it. But there are some old friends and new ones as well. I hope I am remembered by you as one who attempted to be encouraging to you. I tried to come and go myself - the blog is up and down as my mood changes or of late not quite as willing to share certain things that are going on. I have been aware of some things in your life and unaware of others. There is a long list of many ghosts who no longer tread these paths. They made a differemce--all the way from my first Litnet friend Grace86 to major encouragment from the beloved Logos and even Bluebiird when we were competing--in a friendly manner -at who could get the most blog entries. Treasure those memories Steph and I am very pleased with how you are turning out--. Hang in there--I will never entirely go away.

ANd by the way Qim up above is a relatively new friend for me and she is very worth having. She is an encourager as well. ANd give it time Virgil is bound to show up too. It's Pendragon I miss the most of late. AndaveYa and I correspond elsewhere.

Human relations is quite a subject. What follows may look overly cheesy, overly long, even unrelated, but I believe it somehow fits the topic under discussion. I thought I would share my two cents on how I don't see changes in places, but rather in people who make and fill the places.
In 37 years, the vast majority of people I've known so far are sand castles easily put down and blown away by the slightest wind. At times they manage to drag themselves into a hybrid friendliness, perhaps forcefully, as though they still remembered past events from a past long gone for them, but fresh enough in the person they've chosen to ignore as much as possible. See, not every two-sided story is actually two-sided. Almost always only one participant carries the load of memories. If you ever played a part in their play, you don't play it anymore. We serve a purpose until our use is made redundant. It happens everyday on walking out of our house, even indoors, so why should it be any different on a forum? Almost anywhere people end up behaving as they really are, and an Internet forum won't be the exception. For some time they may develop a caring side but all sand castles eventually fall. Words and feelings made of sand someday reveal themselves. The Internet allows to keep sand castles standing longer, but the tides eventually reach the beach, and the castles crumble.
It's been 37 years seeing how most people behave according to the sheer whim of the moment, and not because of care or fondness. I've seen how most minds and hearts actually operate. If there is something left to see, it must be a very tiny exception. They said they wouldn't change but they did. They were either influenced in a way I could not repel, or they got fed up with pretending and finally showed the face they had been hiding, but everything is a change anyway. Everybody changes. I myself have changed a bit too, though not as fully as might suit my needs.
I used to believe in being nice, friendly, caring, in doing favors, and in proving affection in some way. I was where I was needed. When someone asked, I was there, thinking I was doing the right thing by listening and giving my opinion. Even when there was nothing better I could do, I had promised to stay a while and listen and there I was, keeping my word the best I could. It felt meaningful at first, but it wasn't, giving as much as I had to give, ending up empty-handed. The treatment I was given when I wasn't at peace with myself differs greatly from the treatment I gave. When I was looking for company, looking for ears to listen, there was just a void. Last year a classmate reminded me of the risks of being overly nice, of lending a hand to those in disadvantageous academic situations. She was right. Falling ill in bed and missing classes is damnation. Whenever I have such problem I don't feel secure to ask anyone for help because there's something in them that just smells bad to me. I've often wished I could turn into an uncaring bastard who knows how to deal with people. Those are the ones truly appreciated, enjoying many more benefits than I could ever dream of. As for me, some say I am a great person because they know they'll need to ask me something, or borrow something from me, and that's most of the practical use I have for them. This is the sort of popularity I've earned in 37 years wasting caresses on barren fields where the cold rocks are the only herb that grows. I'm usually sick of doing life, of doing people, and their standards. I must have hated people's ways since I got out of momma's womb, though I can't quite recall that far back. I guess it's something wrong in my design, because whenever I think to have set up a connection the link evaporates in a puff. I can't see why I should believe in care and friendship beyond the fact of being two words spoken mainly out of politeness and habit. I've been learning several lessons but becoming a fulltime uncaring bastard seems a feat whose specifications I can't seem to meet, as convenient as it might be. This inner obscurity gets me so tired I'd rather drop off for a good while.
Finally, I don't think sand castles have a lengthy memory span. I would say memories mostly live in those who watch the sands being carried away by the slowest winds. Apologies if my mumbo jumbo appears irrelevant to the subject but sometimes I kinda get to write a bit too.
I frankly ignore if by the time of this line you will have had the wish to read this so long text, Stephanie, but anyway you may consider seeing changes as revelations of what we really are, and in that, it's up to us whether we like or dislike what we became. Take a look around your world and see who really wanted to stay and why, who cared more and why, and who changed more than who and why. It's simple in the end.

max you know your rants are always welcome-

Mtpspur Thank you doll, I miss motherhubbard and Pen both. I hardly see either on these days. And dear Mary.

Qimisung- Thanks doll.

Bluebird- All comments are always welcome.

And your blogs are always welcome too Steph. You have a special writing style and that's one of the reasons why I've always liked to read your blogs and reply to them the best I can since I am a member. I wish you would blog more often, but then again I know you're busy.

By the way, I want to point out I'm not depressed about my situation. I write about it in an aggressive style because that's my writing style, a part of my inner nature, and my sort of self-therapy. I trust you can understand. I believe there's still a sort of brain connection between us, if I have the right to say it.

Max--your entry intrigued me on a very personal level. I have social issues and spend far too much time alone--even in the marriage sad to confess. I also try to be the 'nice' if soewhat grumpy fellow mostly desiring to be of help. What I usually discover is that I am MORE emotionally invested in certain people then they in me. The ones I am convinced should be and ought to be a major part of my life keep a respectful distance and rarely wonder at -oh--HE's STILL alive. On the other hand I have certain people in my life that have NO valid reason to be in it and yet they are the greatest blessings I have and I scratch my head in confusion. My references is mostly to family. I also know this--give as much as you can and trust God for the response. It is the kiss of death to any relationship to expect or hope more then they are able or you woud like to receive. Just saying. Guard the heart carefully but keep it open. Hope this helps.

I very much appreciate your advice, mtpspur. I understand my text feels harsh and disturbing at times. Lately I've been in contact with some hypocrisy of the kind I thought I had left behind in a long gone past, but I suppose these things can show up at the turn of any corner. I'm supposed to be doing something new in a new place with new people, but people always seem to behave similarly everywhere and somehow it got to my nerves. I catch them speaking crap at the back of someone they barely know, and in her face they behave so nicely, maybe even caring, until she turns and leaves, and the gossip begins. Then I wonder what these people might gossip about me at my back, and I suspect there must be something going around because they are now behaving differently than they did last year. If they have a problem with you they just won't say it face to face, but rather among themselves, and in your presence they tend to make you believe they appreciate you very much, especially when they start asking for favors. I guess it may well happen to anyone, but I hate that sort of behavior.

I must sound stupid complaining about trivialities. I was just trying to share my feelings on human relations and didn't mean to disturb any reader. Thanks again for the comments and advice.

Was not disturbed at all and everything in your above post-sadly-is true to life. I try--do not always succeed toHOPE for the bets and not get too surprised at the worst. Hang in there--I think oyu have a good grasp on reality.

Thanks for your kind support and advice, mtpspur, and sorry I didn't reply before. School has kept me away.

Hey everyone, I am new on here as of yesterday and stumbled on this entry. I was really impressed with the deep thinking behind the comments. You mentioned that the new people don't have a welcoming group. I posted in the introduction thread but I do not think I got a response back. I have also been searching for hours how to create a blog. I have never done anything of this sort before and if someone could instruct me with that, that would be more than amazing.
As soon as I get a handle on how to use this network, I hope to hear more discussions from everyone
Thanks!

Hi happa! There's a reply to your questions, posted on your page so as not to deviate from this blog entry's intended subject.