by, 03-04-2012 at 04:06 AM (680 Views)
Well, as I said, I'm home now. I didn't have a good trip. Not really. It wasn't terribly awful; except in a sense it was. The main problem. . . well, I don't know if I should talk about it, but it's my mom. . . she isn't doing terribly; in fact she just got a raise and nice bonus at work, which is good. The only problem is that she isn't taking care of herself like she should. She's very intelligent and has a lot of good qualities, but in this I'm sad to see her this way. She's had a hard life, I know, and she's come far but I wish she would do something better, she isn't looking after her health. But at least; there is some good from it. . . partially, I know what not to do; partially also, I feel like Buddha and Dharma are much more important to me at this moment and in my future. So I'm going to do my very best. . .
On the flip side I'm also feeling very motivated, and this is a good thing. :] Not motivated I'm just not myself. . . I want to be amazing. . . Lol I need to be - everyone in their full potential is amazing. And now I have this strong need for my life to be as good as it can be - in terms of inner satisfactions and joy and love and success and peace and all things like that.
A lot of things have changed in my personal life with relationships. For instance yesterday, just before my return trip. . well, I had a brief encounter with someone from my past. . as with previous short encounters with them, this one was nothing positive, and enough negative. . but it's done. . last time. I'm more than ready for peace again in my life - not just with one or two but all of my relationships. It has been before and I know it will be now again; only more so.
I want to be the best I can be. Is that too cliche? I mean, I want to reach the depths of beauty and happiness, as I once strove more naturally to do. I don't think my determination to do so could be too strong, and it certainly isn't now. I'll remind myself every day :] Tonight I walked and listened to another Dharma talk by Thay from October last year. I've heard it but again it feels so soothing, liberating, enlightening.
Well, in general, everything is going truly well. It's wonderful to be back home, I've been gone for a little less than 2 weeks but I guess I have been missing it more than I know. I love my home state and it's good to be back.