by, 02-19-2012 at 05:20 PM (787 Views)
I just read my blog from the other day and besides some hasty grammatical errors (or forgetting words) I realized I always have at least one comment about not wanting to be single. I sometimes think I sound very desperate. I love being alone like this weekend my son is with his dad and I take a long bath every night with wine and a book, I love that. I just get lonely sometimes and that is normal of course.
I have always felt a bit maladjusted, maybe that is something everybody goes through I don't know but I just never feel like I truly fit in. I don't belong anywhere. For the first time in my life I have more than one friend and I feel like I belong a bit more in the world when I know there are people out there who want my company. That is very rare for me, mainly because I don't seek company.
I was almost upset this morning, almost because I knew it was true but anyway, my mom gave me a piece of paper the other day to write a recipe on. This morning I opened the paper and saw it was an e-mail exchange between her and my brother. I noticed my name in it so I read and my mom was telling him that I have friends and that I went out with them a couple of times and him replying how good it is that I am going out. I was kinda upset about them talking about me but then I was just upset because of all the papers my mom could have given me why this one. She told me 10 minuets earlier that she had printed out the e-mail so she knew what it was. I know it is odd for me to go out but I didn't really need to see this.
I wonder if people in general feel like they 'fit in' in this world, I know I am over thinking this like everything else. I have always been an outsider, looking in wondering how people live and what life really is cause mine doesn't feel real. Maladjusted is a good word, kinda sad though.