day in a life

I feel like that all the time. Then I think about why I'm like this. Then I hate myself. Then I get depressed. Then I wonder if I'm a normal person. Then eventually I forget about it.

I don't think you are maladjusted, Helga. I don't think you are either, Bluebiird. Not to compartmentalize either of you, but your personalities are probably largely that of an INFJ or INFP (Myers-Briggs personality profile).

I can relate to so much of what you say, Helga. I feel like I haven't really made a new friend since college. I do have friends at work, but it never goes beyond that, and really, I don't have anyone who hangs out exclusively with me

Now I see my son going through the same thing, and the sad part is the lonliness. He needs to be alone, but he gets so very lonely. I don't know how to help him. It's been better lately. He's at a job where he has made friends with some people and they have gone to some concerts.

I don't have any advice. I think of myself as a plant that doesn't need much water, but I still need people, and I've never found quite the right balance. You have the right idea, Helga. You (the universal you) should try occasionally to expand your horizons, but they should be in ways that feel mostly natural and comfortable. We are not big risk-takers.

I guess your mother meant well, but that would have hurt my feelings. I guess they worry. It would be more helpful if she felt she could express her concerns over a cup of tea-and I'm sure it would make things better if it seemed like she accepted you more as you are.

I know people sometimes think I'm odd; and my social skills aren't always great. Mostly I'm used to that. I know I'm OK.
I certainly have a rich inner life. I have my sons, my books, my hobbies, this place, which is a wonderful place. I do wish I had someone to go out to eat with occasionally or go to the movies with. Maybe someday. Until then...

Why would your mother show you her conversation? How odd.

Maladjusted? I don't know how one defines such a thing. I would say a serial killer is maladjusted. But you my friend are just a quiet, sensitive person who is a bit shy. That's not maladjusted.

And neither are you Bluebird.

Ask my wife about my social skills. They are quite lacking. Some might say I'm maladjusted, albeit in a different way. No, really don't ask her.

I guess I used the word maladjusted cause I often feel like I need to label things, I don't do this with people but I feel like I need to use words like that to know who I am. I used to consider myself as a bit of a pronoid, I mean I like who I am even though I didn't seem to get that reaction from other people. Now I don't think like that but I feel like I need to define myself in some way, but I guess that's not really possible since I am not the same person all the time.

I probably should think of my self in the same sense I think of other people, like (part of) my signature says :The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurements anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me. -George Bernard Shaw

Just to join with the chorus, I wouldn't say you were maladjusted either Helga. I think you are very independent and single minded and perhaps of an introverted nature (which speaking also as an introvert is not a criticism, just an observation) and you will figure out what you want in life and it will be what works for you, not what the crowd (or even your mother) decide.

As to your Mum, she probably wants the best for you but just goes a weird way around showing it. It is odd her giving you that piece of paper but it may have been accidental and I don't think it's so surprising to find that your Mum and brother have been discussing you. I know it feels weird (I once overheard my Mum and my sister having a conversation about me which was not pleasant to overhear) but it is natural. They both care for you. And as a mother too, I know it is sometimes hard to keep that dividing line between what you think is best for your children and what (more importantly) they think is best for them, and it is hard not to meddle because as the older person you always think that you must know best what will make their children happy and that they've just not seen it, but if they only follow your guidance they will find the happy path through life and spare themselves all those thorns and dead ends. Which is not true of course, because as parents we are sometimes the thorns and dead ends in our children's lives and just don't see it.

So I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself or your Mum (hard as that might be sometimes). You have made some brave and difficult choices in the last year, not safe choices. And you will follow the path you think is best. And your Mum will want the best for you but probably (because she is not like you) will just go the wrong way about it until one day she realises she can trust you with your own life and lets you get on with it. But that might be a while off yet. Or maybe never - you never can tell

Perhaps you think as most people seem to nowadays that it's better to be extroverted. It isn't true, but I think the culture I live in sends that message.

Good point Qimi. The entertainment industry with all of its cast of characters, mostly flawed people who should not be emulated or looked up to, are in our faces every day and they are mostly extroverted.

Yes I think I agree with you Qimi, society tells us to be outgoing and open and that is just not me