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Poems, general writings, ravings, and other things.

Drunken rambling

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"I want to know everything.
I want to be everywhere.
I want to **** everyone in the world.
I want to do something that matters."

-Lyric from "I do not want This" By Nine Inch Nails

Have I ever done something that mattered? Have I ever made a hint of difference in anyone's life? Honestly? I ask this to myself daily.

Maybe two weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me, legitimately I might add, if I had a flaw. An odd question coming from her, considering we aren't very close friends by any means. But my first answer was "I write." Not "I drink." Which I do. Not "I'm a jealous prick." Which I am. But "I write." As if it is something to be ashamed of. Perhaps it is. Orwell once said, "Writing is like a bout with an incurable illness. No man would willingly subject himself to it unless driven by some inner demon." There is such beauty in this quote. Writing does not make me happy. It helps organize my thoughts, but in no way does it make me happy. And honestly, I could not tell you what possesses me to do it. Perhaps I think that somewhere deep inside of my mind, there is something worth putting down on paper. Maybe I am just a drunk that likes pouring his thoughts into this clacking machine. You know, Vonnegut made the point that "The four American winners of the Nobel Prize for Literature, Hemmingway, Steinbeck, Faulkner, and Sinclair, were all certifiable alcoholics." There is more harsh truth to this quote. These men, who we idolize as heros in the world of fiction, all suffered the same heroic downfall. Yet I believe there is still beauty. A happy man has little to give to the world. He spreads his joy to others, and this is plenty noble. But I am not interested in noble. I want to find the truth of this world, and no one has seen truth like an intelligent drunk. He was driven to self pity for some reason. He can look out into the world and see nothing but cons, whores, and derelicts. He does not see this thing as the common man.

Of all the things that I am unsure of about myself, I know one sure thing. I am not the common man. Whether it is insanity or something else, I embrace it. I am not the common man, and I am proud.

Perhaps I have done something of worth. I have tried my best to show whoever is interested how I see the world. Maybe I have shed light. If one passage I have written, just one, has ever touched someone. Moved someone, in anyway. Caused anyone to feel something other than apathy. Then yes, I have done something that matters.

All of my insignificant little problems fade away.

Note: I typed this up on my old Smith-Corona in a drunken stupor the other night.


  1. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    Make sure you don't ski drunk, because you won't be so insightful or philosophical the next day. That is, if you are in fact a drunk.

    This is great! I love to read drunken ramblings.
  2. prendrelemick's Avatar
    Ramble on, Kevin.
  3. The Comedian's Avatar
    *Hands Kevin a can of warm Pabst* "Inspiration lies within" :-)
  4. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    LOL, Comedian- hey Kev- I reread what I said about you being a drunk and I hope you accept my apologies for sounding rude!
  5. kevinthediltz's Avatar
    Buh, skib and I spent the whole day skiing drunk! It was awesome. And I was not offended in the slightest. I don't think I am really in a position to accurately judge if I am a drunk or not. Ask skib.

    Prendrelemick- I intend to! I wanted to post something that I typed up while drunk and that was the best one I found.

    Comedian- *takes beer and sucks the foam off the top* thank you good sir. Thank you.
  6. NikolaiI's Avatar
    kev, I hope you won't do that.. There was someone.. I am trying to remember, I don't know who it was.. A person, a woman, who was married.. I can't remember who it was - anyway, she was learning to ski.. and she was on an easy slope - but something went wrong and she fell, she either broke something or died.. I think she died actually. I know I don't like to hear things like that from others.. cautionary tales or whatever. But if it's dangerous enough for someone to die on an easy slope, sober, then it's probably too risky to do it drunk.... and please don't ever, ever get behind the wheel of a car having drunk even one or two drinks.
  7. Jack of Hearts's Avatar
    Yep. That's pretty good quote you wrote about there, Mr. Writer. Here's another:

    A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

    Liked reading your blog. Will be back to read more.

  8. kevinthediltz's Avatar
    thank you, j.

    And Nikolail, I do not, nor will I ever, drink and drive.
  9. IJustMadeThatUp's Avatar
    In answer to your question: Yes. Profoundly. Deeply. Infinitely.

    In ways you can't imagine.