I Just Don't Get It
by
, 11-30-2011 at 05:21 PM (1636 Views)
This may be a very sudden observation of things that have always been, or maybe I am not crazy and there has been an onslaught of the "I Believe in God/This is why God exists/I give my life to God" threads and blogs. I have no problem with belief or discussion of belief. Unless someone shoves it in my face and says "HEY! YOU! LISTEN! BELIEVE IN GOD BECAUSE I DO!" I pretty much don't really care. I don't have the knowledge or wisdom to argue or agree, so I just let those threads be.
However, what I don't get is where the hell people find this unshakable belief. Yes, I have heard of the first person accounts of hearing God speak in a thunderstorm on a mountain, of how the beauty and complexity of nature is proof enough, and about 'miracles' that could only be God's doing. Let me tell you a little story. A very short story, actually.
As a younger person, I used to struggle with the belief. I wanted to believe. I wanted there to be some reason to what seemed like a very chaotic, unreasonable life. I was lost. Not to say I am found today, but now I just like to consider myself somewhere slightly off course between points A and B. I digress- as a younger person, I struggled. I walked in the woods trying to spark up a conversation with God, I've sat on mountaintops in thunderstorms, I've tossed whiskey bottles off cliffs, I've discussed it with people, you name it I've done it. Lo and behold- here I am, faithless. That doesn't concern me. I don't think there's probably much forgiveness to be had for me. What I don't understand, is how people just out of the blue 'got touched by God.' When people say 'All you have to do is let Jesus into your heart,' it kind of makes me want to strangle a panda. Let me tell you something- I don't let **** into my heart. I've let people that I know into my heart and it never ends well. I'm not going to let someone I can't even have a conversation with in.
Another thing I don't get. (I apologize, this is turning into somewhat of an attacking rant. Please don't take it personally; I had a spark ignite.) People that just give themselves up to 'be in God's service.' That seems to me almost like pledging your life to the service of Dark Matter. We can't see it, we don't have any proof it exists, we don't know how it works, but we know it's there. As humans, we have reason and intuition. If we were created to serve God, why were we given the choice to do otherwise? I don't get it. I have never read the Bible, nor the Koran, nor the Book of Mormon. I never will.
And if I am ever supposed to serve in God's name, he better be willing to sit down and have a brewsky or two with me.
After that little tantrum, let me say this: I am not an atheist. I am not a theist. An easier way of saying these two things would be to say I am agnostic. I don't have enough proof or belief to go either way, though I tend to lean a little farther off the fence towards atheism simply because my attempts at faith never prove productive.