Life

Author’s Note: Many of you know me as a very strong and independent woman. I am capable of many things of which men are capable. I am willing to speak, willing to work, willing to act. I do not mean, in this note, that a woman should not be strong and that she should not be capable, for indeed I strive and encourage other women to strive to be both. However, there is a time for strength and there is a time to yield. There is no shame in yielding. When you find a husband who will treat you right and look out for the good of his family and you over himself, he is one who deserves the respect and even submission I write about.

_.~*~._

Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I am strong. No, I am not brainwashed. Yes, I speak for myself and with my own convictions.

We will begin with Proverbs 31:10-31.

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
13She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
14She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
15She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
16She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
17She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
18She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
19She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
20She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
22She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
24She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
25Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
26She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
27She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
29Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
30Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Here is a description of a godly and perfect woman. Is she once described as weak? Is she once described as one who will easily be abused? Certainly not. Instead it says, she is extremely valuable—more so than rubies, in fact. Independent of her husband’s help, she buys a field and plants a vineyard: she must be intelligent, then, if she considers the field herself, decides that the soil is good for planting, negotiates the price, buys the field herself, and plants a vineyard. Vineyards require much labor. You have to train the vines to a framework you have built yourself so that the vines will be held up by the framework. She must be strong, then, this perfect woman—indeed, it says that she girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She looks after all of her household, and all the stuff in her household: the electricity doesn’t get shut off at her house, and in ancient times, she ensures that there is enough oil for all her lamps. She sews, and weaves, cooks and cleans, and oversees her household. She is a hard worker and doesn’t eat “the bread of idleness.” She helps the poor and needy. She takes care of all her household, ensuring that they are well-dressed, especially with regard to winter which, in ancient times would require a lot of fabric having been laboriously made for not only her family, but the servants of her household, too. She makes her own clothes too. She is industrious and skilled. She works from home, weaving and sewing and selling the work of her own hands to the merchants. She is a woman of strength and honor. She speaks with wisdom and kindness. She is praiseworthy. Her husband and children “arise up and call her blessed.”

Many look at the word submit and think that a woman who submits must be weak. I will tell you, as gently as possible, that you are misguided. It takes great strength and wisdom to know when to yield. It is not a matter of blindly agreeing with your husband, nor of unwillingly following. It is a matter of trusting his decisions, when he is firm in them and they are right with God.

I try to stay away from non-biblical sources, but there’s a line in Moulin Rouge that has always stuck with me: “Without trust, there is no love.” If you cannot trust your husband to lead you with everyone’s best interest in mind, what is your relationship based upon?

Now, we will skip to another source. Here is 1 Corinthians 11:3.

3 But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.

Here, it clearly states that a man is the head of the woman. Where the body obeys the head, so too should the woman obey the man. This should not be necessary most of the time in a relationship. In fact, every day life does not call for such measures. In any marriage, communication is key. In times of trouble, however, or when the two cannot arrive at an agreement, or when a very big decision is to be made, the wife is to trust her husband’s decisions.

This is not a license for the husband to abuse his wife in any way. This is not a license for him to be a tyrant. Ephesians explains this very well:

Ephesians 5: 21-24

21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

There is the woman’s role. This is often quoted, but you rarely hear the second half—the husband’s role.

Ephesians 5:25-33

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Husbands must love their wives as Christ does the church. Christ presented himself as a living sacrifice, and a savior to the world. So too must husbands give everything of themselves to their wives and families. They must love with the forgiveness, mercy, compassion, and purity of Christ. They must lead their families spiritually, provide for them financially, support them emotionally, and so much more. They must care for their wives as they care for their own bodies. What a big job!

And wives, if your husbands are successful in all these things—indeed, even if he is striving for all these things—you should be grateful, respectful, loving and submissive. Your actions, thoughts, and words towards him should be kindness and encouragement. You should trust him to do the right thing.

I do not just cite sources from the Bible. I have tried living this in my own relationship with Nicholas. And you know what? It works.

In over a year, I have been mad at him only twice. We have occasional friction and occasional distance in our relationship, especially since I have moved to college so far away, but we have never once fought. We are chaste, but still exceedingly loving and passionate. We respect each other, come to agreements quickly, and act as a team.

A [COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]team[/COLOR]? Absolutely. In our every day life, we walk alongside each other. When he is weak, I am strong; when I am weak, he is strong. We give each other equal love and respect. We strive, both of us, to honor God and to [COLOR="rgb(65, 105, 225)"]honor[/COLOR] each other.

However:

There are times in our relationship when I need to step back and allow him to step forward. And when I act in such a manner, he does step forward. He puts every fiber of his being into whatever challenge we face and is strengthened by my support. And we are successful.

End Note and Food for Thought: Women, because such a relationship is based on such a strong foundation of trust, I urge you to rethink your dating preferences. Are you looking for a good time? Are you looking for a fun relationship? Or are you considering a man that you would marry and be willing to trust so completely?

We women don’t like to fall; it scares us. It reminds us that we are fragile. So why, then, would you search for someone whom you do not know would do everything in his power to catch you?