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farnoosh

Who Am I........

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by
farnoosh
, 10-29-2011 at 10:02 AM (1395 Views)
I'm beginning to doubt everything that I once believed in. Everything's starting to fall apart...I'm feeling lost and confused.This week I barely noticed the seconds tick by, or the wind blow pass my face.This morning when i looked in the mirror i saw a complete stranger staring back at me..i was SHOCKED, i really didn't notice who i've become.Counting the days that i've missed I now realize how easily I can lose track of the time simply by picking up a book or even a calculator.(!)
Is my effort really worth it? or am i just wasting my time trying to get better grades ? trying to be more than i ever was? trying to accomplish things i never dared to?...Am I pushing the boundries too far??
I look at my friends and see people who don't even care to get to know me, strange that i once assumed them my friends and yet, everytime i turn around to start over something pulls me back again like a spring trying to hold me in place as if where I am is where i should be.Am I wrong to push farther??Am i wrong to doubt it? to want to change it?

Updated 10-29-2011 at 10:10 AM by farnoosh

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  1. TeranikaSloane's Avatar
    No you aren't. Reading this makes me feel like your writing about my life right now. No matter how much i want to change something keeps me back. I've been thinking that it is not something thats keeping me back but me, my fear. I hate where I am right now but where I am is safe and secure and any change is unknown and terrifying. But I think we can both do it if we fight through it, change will come. Whether we invite it or not and I think offering an invitation is always better.
  2. farnoosh's Avatar
    I don't know if i can reach out for that invitation, Teranika. I think my fear would be rejection and the fright that maybe one day I'll regret the change made today.
  3. TeranikaSloane's Avatar
    Everything changes farnoosh. You can't control it.
  4. farnoosh's Avatar
    It does, doesnt it? but i (or my mother in alot of cases)still find a way to control it.I was never a fan for letting go and moving on.
  5. TeranikaSloane's Avatar
    I think I trained my bad memory so I didn't remember the things that had changed. As a result I am not that bad for letting go and moving on. I really just go through the routines but recently these seem to be dragging me down and limiting me.
  6. farnoosh's Avatar
    you know we have different feelings but we feel and exprese them the same way? Interesting! I've discovered this new song "Time of my life" by 3 doors Down it really explains my mood right now, maybe wanna check it out?