What she should have told him many months ago...
by, 10-14-2011 at 10:05 AM (854 Views)
'' As my soul wanders through the relics of my broken heart, it's so hard to say I love you no more. For as much as I want to lie to others, one can never lie for long to his own heart.
Having to live without you... I wish I could just forget. I wish it had never happened. If only it was just a dream... a short-lived nightmare. The reality of your absence hurts so much...
My veins have no more blood inside them- I have no life. My heart no longer beats.... my feelings frozen. Without you I am dead.
And everyone around me thinks I am doing alright, that I was just acting dramatic for some time and that the advice I was forced to internalize brought me back to normal. Everyone thinks they've ''fixed me'' for I had been disfunctional for quite some time now, that I had been like a drug-addict who was suffering cause of rehab.
But no one knows what really happens on the inside, for I've never told, and won't allow anyone to see the truth. And what we don't really want to see can more easily stay unseen. After trying a couple of times in vain to show you and everyone else my feelings I decided to silence and give in to the desires of my puppeteers.
The truth is, for the first time in my life I feel so weak and doomed, deprived of my real needs and desires. For the first time in my life, I cannot stand on my own feet, I feel like a dependent, I need others to hold me to make a step, but even so, it feels like I am doing circles, always ending where I began, in the very same spot. My feelings for you are a labyrinth of cactus and dead ends, a giant box with no escape. I desperatey look in the sky for a star to light and guide me to find an escape that leads to a new path, but the sky is black, black like the shirt of the figure that comes every time to my sleep and tries to suffocate me and not let me scream and call for you.
The truth is, I miss a good night's sleep. But most of all, I really miss you... Why doesn't anyone let me say this simple truth out loud? Why does everyone wish for me to be in denial and oppress my true feelings? Why can't anyone understand that when one has his soul torn in two and loses it's one half, he just cannot be ok. I can't pretend it has not happened. The last time I checked you were smiling at me, and now I see your smile only in some old photos. The only thing that reminds me what being happy feels like.
The worst thing is, I still cannot find a reason to hate you for all this pain...''