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Halls of the Dark Muse

My Dysfuntional Relationships

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I have this near and dear friend, who is a long distance, online friend, we met via the Internet and that is how all our correspondence takes place, he lives in another state, but we are intimately close (in a non-romantic way just to clarify) He is my platonic soul mate. We have a very deep spiritual connection where we are always on the same wavelength and he always gets just where I am coming from and we have many shared experiences. I can write to him about something that happened to me, and he responds with an antidote from his own personal life in which he had dealt with a smiler experience. I once told him that we are like Gemini Twins. I can send him poems I have written and he will actually know my own subconscious thoughts and he will know the deepest and innermost meaning of my words even when they are cloaked in metaphor. Sometimes his insights on my poetry teaches me things about myself that I was not even aware of.

A while back, some months before I left for vacation I had sent him some e-mails in regards to an ongoing personal matter of which I was dealing with that I had been regularly in communication with him about, and sometimes it may take him a week or so to get back to me, but a couple months went by and I still had heard nothing from him, which was unusual for him.

Than it came time for me to leave for vacation and when I got back, I still had not heard anything from him. So I sent him an e-mail just saying hey what is up haven't heard from you in a while and the same day I e-mailed him he posted a comment on one of my blogs, so I thought oh maybe he has just been busy or away and now he is back and his response told me that A) he had access to the Internet so his absence is not do to technical difficulties. and B) It does not appear as if he is actively avoiding me for some reason, or why would he respond to one of my blogs-

But he said nothing within the blog in regards to my not otherwise hearing from him and nor did he respond to the e-mail, but I thought maybe he was busy and just hasn't got around to it yet. And when he does respond to me it is usually always on the Weakened, and at the time of the his incident it was like Friday or Saturday. So I wait and than the next week starts and still nothing.

Well I do not want to be a complete nag and so I tried just sending him some photos I had that I thought he would like and have been meaning to send him for a while and just trying to act like everything is normal. I frequently send him pictures of either my own making or that I have simply come across that I think he will enjoy, but I still yet to have a response, and he in the past has always responded to anything of that nature. When I send him something of my own making he always gives me in an in depth analyses of it, and when I send him just some picture I found on the Internet he will at the very least pop in just to say thanks and how much he loved it.

And he of all people knows how neurotic I can be. I have and obsessive personality and stalker like tendencies, and I am a bit manic. Something that both my closest of friends and my romantic interest are well aware of. That if I don't hear from them in a long time and they fail to respond to my efforts to get in touch with them I will begin jumping to the most dire conclusions.

He knows better than anyone that if he does not respond to me I will go psycho on him. I cannot think of any conceivable reason why he would not get in touch with me and I am trying to avoid my impulse to e-mail him very 5 second (ok that is a slight exaggeration but at least once a day) asking him why he doesn't e-mail be back and yelling at him for not knowing better.

Reasonably I do not know what I should do, and how long I should wait before I do attempt to get in touch with him again and if there might still be a perfectly plausible and acceptable reason for why he may not have got in touch with him. When this sort of thing happens I usually do go through a complete tragic-psychotic episode only to find out later that said individual had a perfectly legitimate excuse that in fact did not involve a conspiracy against me but I am never in a state of mind to wrap my head around that sort of rational thinking.

I become lost in a whirl of assuming that obviously, for absolutely no known reason they have simply decided to abandon me, but than again, that very thing has in fact happened to me once.

And though ever since I was a kid I have always had obsessive-passive tendencies my manic behavior and my lack of ability in being up to truly trust any individual wholly and completely has manifested on account of one particular individual but that is a different story
Soulful Insights


  1. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    Interesting Dark One - If I may suggest a couple of scenarios?

    One - the email address has changed subtlely (in some way known only to the people who run it) and your/his letters getting redirected without his/your knowing - so that he's wondering why you haven't written him also (thus leaving the blog message)

    Two - Is he aware of your romantic interest? He may be feeling that you want your cake and eat it

    Three - something has happened to him that he's ashamed/embarassed of and rather spare you the pain

    Four - he doesn't feel like writing: you've supplied so much amusement that he feels he can't compete (happens), and thence believes your personality is vast enough to accommodate him without much effort on his part (men get lazy very easily - it's a way of conserving energy for the hunt)
  2. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry
    Two - Is he aware of your romantic interest? He may be feeling that you want your cake and eat it
    Perhaps you have misunderstood but there is no romantic interest. I am involved with another person, of whom he knows about, and he knows that while I love him to death it is only as a friend. He himself is involved with another person and he knows my feelings will never manifest themselves in a romantic way towards him, and I have no reason to believe that this has ever presented a problem for him.
  3. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    Okay. Is the person he's involved with a jealous type who has forbidden overt contact? (Unlikely)

    I don't know - he wouldn't have just grown tired of the ongoing personal matter?
  4. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry
    Okay. Is the person he's involved with a jealous type who has forbidden overt contact? (Unlikely)

    I don't know - he wouldn't have just grown tired of the ongoing personal matter?
    The person he is presently with has known about our friendship since the beginning which has been more than a years time and she has always been fine with it.

    As well he has always had unconventional relationships. He is in an open realtionship in which they both see other people and do thier own thing, and both are aware of it and accepting.
  5. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    DM- I completely understand where you are coming from. Maybe you can call/SKYPE him? But maybe that is weird and not how you communicate. Otherwise, sometimes, we just don't know. There is that possibility that they are done and you just need to let go. He may be the free type, especially if he's in an open relationship. But I'd presume most likely that he's just bogged down and getting around to it if he responded to your blog. Maybe more time and just wait the impulse out. I have a friend just like this and it sometimes drives me crazy- but at the end of the day, there is nothing I can do to make him respond.
  6. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    That's right Jersea

    I mean you can never really know anyone 100%, I don't even know myself 90% - and 10% of the time I wish I could get away from myself for as long as it takes

    I certainly wouldn't think it was anything personal Dark One - you are a formidable friend and were I in his shoes I would be very thankful indeed, though I can't honestly say there wouldn't come a day when I'd just want to completely shut down for a period - it's happened before
  7. Dark Muse's Avatar
    The thing that is maddening, is that if it is something that he is intentionally doing and not some other plausible explanation, than any one who is close friends with me should know well enough that the best approach would be to just say, hey back off and leave me alone you are becoming a pain in the ***, or something along those lines. But the passive aggressive approach of attempting to avoid and ignore me, is not going to make me quietly slink away, but induce me to go into active pursuit. My frineds know that I exepect and deal best with plain and simple open frankness even if it not pretty I prefer to know what is what.
    Updated 08-25-2011 at 03:22 AM by Dark Muse
  8. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    Have you maintained a long sequence of one-way correspondence with him? Sometimes people are just happy to have a friend, they feel comfortable in knowing they have a friend - the friend has proved they are a friend, they've gone beyond the call of duty to prove their friendship.

    You are that friend - you're a great friend - he's not ignoring you to **** you - he simply knows and trusts you, knows you have an enormous heart and virtually unlimited generosity, so online you've regarded him as your best friend, you've shared some good times together - as a a friend you shouldn't be expecting him to be a trained pet to perform for you

    Sometimes people just want to sit and vegetate and do nothing more than hang around and watch television - in other words, once he was interesting and now he feels like being boring, which is up to him and not you, and if you think that he's rude for not putting it in words think about how that would sound in a personally addressed email:

    'Hi Dark One, I've really enjoyed your company, but you know, too much of a good thing, now I just feel like lying in bed all day watching 3d scifi on my 51 inch LCD - I'll get back to you when I'm done being a thoroughly self-indulgent lazybones...'

    Just make a new online best friend - someone who's up to it and looking to make a new best friend themselves - there's got to be about a million forums to choose from, you'll find someone you click with easily
  9. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by MystyrMystyry
    Just make a new online best friend - someone who's up to it and looking to make a new best friend themselves - there's got to be about a million forums to choose from, you'll find someone you click with easily
    I am not the type of person to just go out and make new friends. I am a very private, and very reclusive person who is not socially inclined.

    Plus it is a rare individual who is capable of gaining my trust on that level.

    I can count the number of friends I have on one hand and that is how I like it. Once I have one or two good friends, than I really don't feel the need to keep looking for more.

    So the way I approach friendship and what it takes for me to make a new friend, particularly of that caliber, it could take years.

    Though the friends I do have, have been met online, I am not the sort of person who does just go to a bunch of different sites of forums collecting shiny new friends, or looking to make new friends. The friendships I have established, everything just had to be aligned just right for it to happen.
  10. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    I'd be careful to never completely trust anyone on-line. You just don't know and that is the genuine limitation of the relationship and it will never be more than that. On-line friendship is limited by what it is, because the communication is so archaic. So, just call if that'll make you feel better.

    But DM- I understand the impulse and I have sympathy. No one should have to tolerate it, but some people are just a certain way. If you know this, than either you can accept it or not. Some people experience severe depression and just can't even email- their perceptions are distorted.

    Good luck- Jersea
  11. qimissung's Avatar
    Have you heard from him yet? I hate when people do that.
  12. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by qimissung
    Have you heard from him yet? I hate when people do that.
    Not yet. In the past it was usually always the weekends that he would get back to me. So I will see what happens at the end of this weak.
  13. MystyrMystyry's Avatar
    Any word?
  14. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    yes, have you heard?
  15. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Still nothing!
  16. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    SOB. Now I am mad at this jerk for you. You can just barrage him with PMs everyday until something happens. LOL!
  17. Dark Muse's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by jersea
    SOB. Now I am mad at this jerk for you. You can just barrage him with PMs everyday until something happens. LOL!

    Hahahaha, I do know he can be busy sometimes, and though it has been months since I heard anything from him, it has only been about a week since the last e-mail. So I will give him to this weekend and than I will contact him again and very directly inquire about his not responding to me.
  18. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    We all want to be updated.
  19. Dark Muse's Avatar
    I will let you know what happens.