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Complacent Cat

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Complacent cat, you’re ten feet long
Your paws are big as plates
Your odour too is really strong
How came you to this place?

Your purr is deep, it rumbles so,
Your eyes are large and golden;
Those dentures must have length to spare
And don’t, my heart, embolden.

Your whiskers gleam as white as tile
With points as sharp as needles,
If I had those between my toes
I’d use them to lance weevils.

But underneath my bed you lie,
At night when I would sleep,
Awaiting trailing toes to spy
And dangle within reach.

I wonder, will it hurt to die,
As starting with my feet,
You crunch your way through all my bones
Till nemesis I meet.

But still, you’re such a pretty cat
With orange stripes and black:
Though just as well the bathroom’s safe
For now my bowels are slack.