Follow Up to Virgil’s Last Blog on Matthew
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, 02-07-2011 at 08:34 AM (4009 Views)
Initially I was going to do a follow-up blog from Virgil’s blog about Matthew and the pediatrician, then I changed my mind. Fifth and Jersea convinced me to respond from my perspective. I do not mean to offend anyone with my comments (just want that to be clear) after all I am the one that spends most of the time with Matthew everyday (no offense Virgil) and I think I know him best.
Most of what Virgil stated is fairly accurate. At this point in time I am not too disturbed with what the doctor said, puzzled a little, yes, but not to the point where I think she is totally whacked. She happens to be a well known respected pediatrician in the international adoption field. She is also the only doctor in New York State that deals with International Adoption and that is the type of doctor we needed at the beginning. I should mention that Virgil is the one that wants to continue with her. I’d rather find someone where we live since it will be a lot closer.
Each child is a unique individual and to compare a child to another child is not fair. I realize this is done anyway but it does not make it right.
Language skills: it is true that Matthew really can’t vocalize what his needs are. That was what the doctor was really saying. In her mind Matthew is frustrated because he cannot tell Mommy and daddy what he wants. I told her how I go about figuring out what he needs. First I check his diaper, if it’s not his diaper I see if he is hungry or thirsty. If it’s not any of those I do a process of elimination of what I think it is that he may want/need. Usually it’s one of the three.
Matthew doesn’t say many words right now. As Virgil stated he can say mama, dada, baby, baba and bye bye. He knows some body parts and can follow commands very well. I am not too concerned at this point.
Tantrums: all depends on how you define a tantrum. Matthew doesn’t stomp his feet and scream but he can cry for a period of time if left in his crib or doesn’t get his way. The doctor said let him have his tantrums and believe me I do. I do not run to him as soon as he starts his crying or so called screaming. The majority of the times he’ll cry or scream when he is in his crib. Most times it because his pacifier fell out of his mouth and he can’t find it. Other times it’s because his diaper needs changing , he’s having a dream or he just wants out. Virgil doesn’t always see this side of Matthew which is not a knock against him but I’m with Matthew all day until he comes home from work .
Being too good: this comment from the doctor had me a little baffled. When she mentioned “Notice how he was just handed to me and he didn’t resist. I handled him in all sorts of ways, and he didn’t fight. First, that can be dangerous if some stranger lures him away.” I’ve known quite a few babies/toddlers in my time and some went to other people willingly and some did not. Matthew is a friendly child, he likes waving to people whether we are in a restaurant, grocery store or out and about. When he is a little bit older and can understand the concept, I’ll explain to him the dangers about people he doesn’t know. If the doctor thinks Matthew is too good, she should spend a day with me and she may think differently LOL.
Being passive: Let’s be clear that the doctor said “may risk developing into a passive person”. I don’t think that will be the case with Matthew. Is he picked up a lot ? Yes, by his father. I pick him up as well, but I do not carry him around as much as daddy. I try to explain to Virgil that if he constantly picks him up and carries him around, Matthew will expect him to do it all the time and he does expect this. It is my belief that he shouldn’t be picked up and carried all the time. Do we do things for Matthew ? Yes, but I am a believer in getting the child to learn how to do certain things on their own early in life. I want him to grow up to be an independent person and not have to rely on other people to get thru life. Obviously Matthew can’t change his own diaper or cook for himself as Virgil alluded to (Virgil’s shot at being sarcastic!!).
Exploring on his own/being frustrated: I let Matthew explore his surroundings since he is very inquisitive. When we are outside or in the car he points to all the trees, the buses and trucks. When we are inside the house I give him pretty much free reign in exploring while keeping my eyes and ears open. I would say Matthew gets frustrated when he is not allowed to do something, have something or complete a task. For example: my mother has a step leading from the dining room into her living room. For the longest time Matthew couldn’t figure out how to get down the step on his own and he would whine a little. He finally figured out that if he holds on to the chair that is by the step he can make it down on his own standing up.
I am still not sure what the doctor meant when she said Matthew is not in touch with his feelings. Contrary to what Virgil said I did not agree with that statement. I even joked about it on our way home.
Eating with a fork and spoon on his own: I know many toddlers at his age that did not eat on their own with a fork and spoon so I am not concerned about this. He can eat finger foods on his own but can get lazy at times and would prefer you to put it in his mouth. I do however have him try to feed himself every day. He just has a problem in getting the food on the fork or spoon. If I put the food on for him, he’ll get it into his mouth on his own. If we always do this for him, he will never want to learn to do it on his own because he knows daddy will at least do it for him.
While I guess it appeases Virgil’s mind to know that there is nothing wrong with how Matthew is doing based on other people’s comments, I on the other hand do not seek advice from outside the family circle. If I do seek advice I go to my mom who see’s Matthew almost on a daily basis and who has an open mind and will tell me if she thinks something is not right. As far as she is concerned Matthew is right where he should be.