I am alone
by, 08-06-2010 at 07:19 PM (1493 Views)
But amongst friends, so not truly alone
yet I can't help but feel that without me, I am nothing, which seems obvious, but many people tend to forget themselves, and find their lives depend more on other people than on their own achievements. This worries me, is this what is happening to me? I have few achievements to speak off, yet I feel complete, if a little alone. Modern society isn't an easy place to be situated in. Expectations of relatives, friends and loved ones, they all compete for attention, support and success of the ego. What if the ego only wants to exist, nothing more, no achievements are necessary, do you adapt to their expectations?
Society is a burden and a mountain of support, how to find the balance between the two? Some people give more than they receive, others receive more than they give, it's such a grey area. I find that all that matters is found in oneself, the drive to help others or oneself can be mutually beneficial or mutually destructive, depending on how one lives, but what if one is self destructive but still wants to help others? Do you set aside your own wishes and live a life of servitude, or do you take the other path and do what you must to get by but no more? Is it fear that drives you, or ambition, or something else?
What of Chaos and order? are you one or a little bit of both? Surely you can't be all order or all chaos, how do you find the balance? So many questions, and so little answers, but are the answers truly what I want? No most certainly not, I'd rather live in uncertainty than be absolutely certain of anything. I doubt myself and other, but am certain about others, it is self-doubt that both hinders me and drives me forward toward understanding.
It probably all sounds confusing and angsty, and it most likely is. I am however certain of one thing, and that is that I am alive and seek to help those close to me, I just do not know exactly how, but that will come to me. In the mean time I shall remain who I am, and be alive.