de Renal

Morning serenity. The world is still turning, not much has changed since yesterday. The Sun is appearing above the horizon, cold air streams through the windows making the room shiver. I sit in my bed rethinking the past and listening to the sounds of the city. It all became equal, days and nights shifting, one flowing into another, turning into soft, fluid solution of recent occurrences and deeds. No tangible border in between. I breathe slowly, feeling the cold particles rushing deep into my lungs, and for a moment a vague feeling of composure overwhelms my tired limbs.
Silence becomes me, and, although broken by the distant siren from time to time, I am comforted by its stillness. Yet, no peace is present. I can’t seem to articulate my dreams; even if I tried, I can’t get a hold of their puny bodies. The more I think of them, the more volatile they are becoming, vanishing into thin air of my mind one after another. And, just before my eyes open to consciousness, I become infinitely sad. There is no ‘because’, only ‘whys’ grinning at me like carnival harlequins. I feel no regrets; my actions are my children whom I’ve somehow managed to squander along the way. Trying to get up, I can’t; the weakness is stronger this time. The tea’s gone cold, and I wonder what time it was. The Sun is already in its crowning point, I can tell by the absence of shadows in the room. I think I’ll try to sleep now.