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Hawkman

Vultures

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As a wealthy and environmentally conscious member of society, you will doubtless be aware that the Vulture has, perhaps, hitherto suffered from something of a bad press. The humble Vulture has been saddled with an unfortunate reputation in the media along with the unfortunate Raven, as something of a harbinger of doom. Its predilection for haunting battlefields together with its unfortunate appearance, have rendered it a figure of ridicule and loathing over the centuries. This has undoubtedly resulted in its persecution, both in the past and more recently, and this persecution has led to a drastic decline in its numbers, both at home and world-wide. Whilst the battlefield habit has served the bird well in the past, the aftermath of modern methods of warfare - unexploded ordnance, chemical weapons and booby-trapped corpses – have rendered this unfortunate creature vulnerable.

We of the RSVP are dedicated to reversing this trend and have come up with an innovative solution. We feel that by altering the Vulture’s modus operandi, it is possible for us, not only to effect a revision of its public image, but also help it find a new role for the twenty-first Century.

We believe that by capturing the surviving members of the various species in the wild, training them to hunt - thus taking a more pro-active stance on the acquisition of a readily available food supply - then releasing them back into their natural habitat, the game reserve, we could have nothing but a positive effect on the global Vulture population. The wilderness tourism trade alone, with its endless procession of wildlife cameramen and Americans, could easily cater for the modest needs of this unassuming bird.

This is why we need your help. Our grand scheme requires a level of funding, quite frankly, not available to the society at this time. We need donations from rich people, just like you. It costs £5 million to buy a decent house with a Ferrari and a swimming pool set in a couple of hundred Acres of parkland in Sussex, so just think how much it’ll cost to catch, train and save just one Vulture, especially when you have expensive tastes like ours.

We need you to get out your cheque book, dig deeply into your pocket, and make payment to me, Hawkman. Please send your donations to:

Hawkman
RSVP
PO Box 666


You can make a difference.

Updated 06-26-2010 at 07:32 PM by Hawkman

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Comments

  1. mtpspur's Avatar
    Check made out to Katar Hol or Carter Hall??
  2. Dark Muse's Avatar
    This is hysterical! I love the graphic!
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Oh I've seen vultures tending to dead animals and I think they do quite well for themselves. Actually we can save the vultures quite cheaply. Instead of burying bodies in a cemetery, we can just toss our dead into a forest or desert and the vulture population would thrive. I suggest instead you send your checks to my address, and make out the checks to my name, and I'll make sure the vultures are kept happy.
  4. Hawkman's Avatar
    Thank you all, but seriously, make the cheques out to me, I need the money or I'll never live the life to which I wish to become accustomed.

    Virgil, You are obviously in ignorance of the the shortage of vultures at the Towers of Silence... (This is true)

    Keep watching this space for more from the RSVP!