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Breaking up...

Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
So...yea. Breaking up. I think it's time to break it off with my boyfriend. I simply cannot not be around someone who drinks, knows they have a problem but refuses to get help and refuses to even think about quitting drinking. There is nothing I can do anymore and I hate it.

Big HUGE fight earlier, he tried wrestling me to get my car keys and I punched him in the face. One of those "we've reached the point of no return" moments. He took a taxi to a friend's house so I guess that's about that. I don't know what to think anymore, or how to feel. I care...I care very much, but I also care about my sanity (what little is left of it anymore, that is.) I am still so angry and upset...


  1. Virgil's Avatar
    I'm sorry to hear that Kathy. Perhaps things may look better in the morning. Perhaps a little separation will show whether you really want to be together or if it is better being apart. But if he has a drinking problem (are you sure?) then it will never be a good relationship for you. You have to consider your happiness first.
  2. Mortis Anarchy's Avatar
    Its hard not being able to help someone you love because they refuse to see that they need help. But you can't break apart your own life for them...something like this happened to me...if you need anyone to talk to, I'd be more than welcome to and I think the majority of the people here would as well. Stay strong!
  3. mtpspur's Avatar
    With great respect to Virgil--if there's any kind of physical activity with alcohol even on the sidelines I'ld have to say there is a problem. To Kathycf--there is absolutely nothing wrong with loving someone but it is vey wrong to even imply casual acceptance of a drinking problem. It's a sensitive issue to me over the years because I spent too much time cleaning us messes in th dorm. I believe this is one those social probems that is extremely hard for a person to accept as being a 'problem'. I have two nephews--one knows he has a problem and doesn't care. The other has the problem but doesn't think he does. By all means, make a stand to your man but DO NOT be a sacrifice to his destructive behavior. You want to wiin the war not some battles. Hang in there. You're worth more then that.
  4. kiz_paws's Avatar
    Kathy, I am sorry to hear about this turn of events in your life, but (aside from the actual punch), you are making the right decisions. Basically, it is either the booze or his dear Kathy. The choice should be simple. About the punch, well, I can't really say that I blame you, but 'getting physical' is probably not a good idea. We females do not want our males to treat us like this, so it works both ways, if you will please forgive my saying so, dear Kathy. And I think that to forego the drinking, this man may require the help of AA, as this is a matter that can go beyond the realm of the support that you can give him (you have already given him all your patience and this has burst, as you have mentioned).... Yes, time apart is in order, but if any selvaging (spell) can be done of the relationship, help to quit drinking would have to be the order of the day. Sending you a big hug, and I'll be thinking of you... Kizzo
  5. Bakiryu's Avatar
    You have taken a good decision, if he has a drinking problem he should face it and get some help. Hope you're ok. Regards, Jin
  6. Countess's Avatar
    Being a recovering alcoholic, I have a certain measurement of experience in this area. First, it is perfectly okay to love him - I even encourage it - but love him from afar. What that means is establishing boundaries for yourself where you can offer assistance without enabling. If you stay, you will only be enabling (which is a dependency issue). Move out, separate, but let him know you love him and will be there for him IF he decides to seek help or change. What this means is NOT driving the drunk home from bars, picking him up out of jail, paying bills, or sticking around to endure such fights. AA has a program for family members called Al-Anon. I visited one on accident (thought it was an AA meeting; but those people were really nice and welcomed it). It was very enlightening to sit and listen to the struggles of parents of children who are killing themselves one day at a time. You might find some support within those walls.
  7. Niamh's Avatar
    I know how you are feeling Kathy. I've been having problems with my boyfriend for a while now. My problem is i dont know how to let go. What makes matters worse is that i dont think he realises how bad things are. Hopefully things will sort out for you.
  8. applepie's Avatar
    I am wishing you luck Kathy. I had a similar issue in my marriage and was at the point of calling the whole thing quits. I had my son to think of, though, and since my husband wasn't violent or anything I pushed a little harder. Had it been easier to get out, I would have left, but sticking it out was worth it. Two years later we have a pretty blissful marriage. Drinking is almost never done and we keep no vodka in my house since this seems to be the only alcohol there was a problem with. I was pushed well beyond the point of going nuts before it got better. It is your decision in the end, but I am wishing you the best.
  9. kathycf's Avatar
    Thanks for the kind and supportive comments. Just to clarify...I am not a person to go around punching people in the face but when my wrist is grabbed by someone wishing to take my car keys...well. I felt threatened and responded over defensively.