I don't think there's anything wrong with the poem per se, Virgil, but on an emotional level it didn't catch me at all. It all seemed a little too detached and the listing of the gravestones really added to that. I can see what you were trying to do, but, for me anyway, it didn't quite do it. I do think there's some wonderful imagery in there, I especially liked:
buried into the bog of time,
a bird’s nest cuddled
in the crook of the roof.
and this stanza in particular as it seemed to have the most life to it:
Morning hunger, the cool air,
the little critters in a dash, up a tree, down a tree
ferreting feed, and suddenly one upright with a host
between its palms.
but perhaps that sums up why I didn't vote for this poem, perhaps because, for me, autumn is more of a time of celebration, of fire and burning and the last flush of life before winter arrives, and your poem was just a little too dead and dying for me, and I couldn't feel the narrator or what the narrator felt about the scenes you were describing. That's generally quite important for me.
Actually Virg, I agree completely with DarkMuse. To me the poem is deep and true. However I am also put off by poems that start with "and". Other than that I liked it.
For what they are worth here are my remarks. It has always just been a personal thing with me, but for some reason, I usually get a little put off by poems that start with "and" also the style somewhat threw me a bit. The names, though it was interesting, and I understand what you were doing, broke up the rythm of the poem for me.
Though I loved the concept behind the poem, being an avid wanderner of cemeteries myself, the poem prestend a rather familair scene.
I did LOVE this verse
Beneath the ground the rest goes on,
the flesh wilts, goes dim, dwindles down,
bones slowly change color, pewter grey,
because all gold is really just sand.
Ok, you know, I had sort of thought this one might be yours, Virgil. However it seemed pretty long for you. I really did like it a lot. I forget now which one I voted for. It was a hard choice. One line made me think it was you - when you said the little critters...hahah...do I know you or what?
I like it very much. I was thinking maybe you wrote it on your recent vacation?
I think the imagery overall is so powerful. I was instantly cast into the golden brown hues of autumn and I could feel the gust of wind through my hair as I read the tombstones, enjoying the fallen leaves underfoot.
Oh, did you guys think it was the animals reading? I meant the narrator to be a human.
I would tend to agree with andave. The names and the animals had enough of a different feel, it wasn't quite the right vibe of disharmony. I don't know if that makes any sense. I also feel like spreading the names out, rather than having such a substantial list of them, may have helped. I don't see anything wrong with having the names in there, just there seems to be a small lack of connection between the animals. Anyone that has walked through a graveyard will understand what you were saying, though! This was one of the two I had a hard time deciding between.
PS My favorite verses are the three right after the gravestone names. The one about the mausoleum fits together just right; it's easy enough to get the picture in my mind's eye.
For what it's worth: animals can't read, so I felt a disconnect between the names and the animals. Either remove the first two verses or change or add something to show that this is what a person walking through a graveyard see. I'd also try alternating the gravestone names with the actual verses and italicizing the gravestone names; that might feel a bit better? I hope that helps .
Thank you Jane. They were taken in September of 2008.
Hey Virg, 2, 4 and 6 are my favorites, great shots! Were they recently taken? I think you did say in your post, but I can't backtrack now. heh
I have a few fog shots of my front yard/field, I'll dig them out and post on my thingamajig.
I love foggy shots.
Thank you Psyche and Granny. I'm glad you liked it.
Thanks gbrekken. Thanks for resurrecting this. Nice to meet you.
Why thank you Paper and Star. It was just a morning walk Star through a wooded area. I guess I had a lovely time.
Those photos are breathtaking!
You must have had a lovely time
#2, #3, and #6 were my favorites, but it is hard to forego the beauty of the others...all very stunning captures, Virgil!!!!
A figure is something very fine, meant to be used finely, if its worth and intent are known
sweet-nothing more than that.
Yes, I had read this. I enjoyed it greatly!
My Great Uncle lost most of his hearing over a period of many years. His pastor likes to tell a story about when my Unc commented to him that he was the greatest preacher he'd ever heard. Later the pastor found out that my Uncle was almost deaf at that time.