I really liked the first one Sorrow
I've recently reintroduced myself to the art of short stories and am going along well. Thinking of competing in the short story contest. . . .
Ok, where to start..
Firstly, I found it thoroughly enjoyable, especially during the first part- it's almost like feeling a sense of deja-vu; that is realizing a truth I knew about stairs but didn't occur to me until now. Cleverly written and highly imaginative.
The moon shone, positioned slightly above the ghostly clouds; how aged, how bony they were, twisting themselves into the dark sky
Secondly, what kept me reading was the fact that the narration gets increasingly poetic as the story unfolds. The above quote is brilliant!
[So surreal, so clear, to such an extent that one could just get the perfect feeling of what it is like inside film noir. The moon shone, positioned slightly above the ghostly clouds; how aged, how bony they were, twisting themselves into the dark sky.]
Thirdly, you gave it a most beautiful ending.
There was an air of mystery as the story nears the end. You should write stories- aside from poetry- like this more often.
I could hardly wait to read more from you and this one is surely worth re-reading.
"Black as midnight on a moonless night" - Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks
Beautiful in its simplicity.Thanks for letting us see what a day in your life is like.
By the way,
Four tablespoons of coffee
Two and a half cups of water
You like your coffee strong, don't you?
I'll think about it after I do some hunting around the web. Yours is much better though!
Do post the poem, pleeease!
Flowing, fasting so fluently
With logic and literacy, lingering
Once rivers run rapidly down
Creating such a dripping sound
^ that reminds me of a poem I wrote a year ago!
Well, it was along those lines as well.
Loved this one, too. As expected
Thanks, you are an angel
It's difficult not to quote every phrase I found brilliant because they are just so many- I just trimmed it down to 2. The 2nd quote I thought to be so original!
Chanting its name, with aggression and coercion
With falsity and illusion, deception and delirium
As if in a trance, flailing, forgetting and flailing, forgetting
The hypnotic night, speeding without limit
For death is sleep and sleep is death and
The world is all but this, within it
Overall, I thought it was very elegantly written and cleverly phrased. You captured what you thought what goes on before, after and during sleep with such beautiful imagery.
I enjoyed this very much.
Love this one Daniel, it's my favourite.