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Nostalgia

mixed feelings

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by
skib
, 02-14-2010 at 02:47 AM (1736 Views)
Tonight I went to see a good buddy of mine star as Mac in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, and I must say it was PHENOMENAL. Even if the Mac character is essentially Luke with a few less manners, he and the rest of the cast worked a great production.
However, like almost every other time I go into public, especially a place like college campus, I go home and hate life. It took me a few years to figure out why, and a few months ago another friend of mine put it into short words-
Girl watching is depressing.
Since I have no honey-sweet of my own (partially but not totally my fault) my eyes tend to wander. I was practically drooling over the gal who played Nurse Ratched. She played a wonderful part, but even during the time I was enthralled in the play I was subconsciously wanting to meet her. Granted, I could have fought the crowds to meet introduce myself, and in all likelihood get written off as another star-struck patron. So I quietly told Luke good job, got in my truck and drove home.
My driving time is when things get sorted out. (I just totally lost my train of thought.)
brain re-rack. Girl watching is depressing. Every time I go into town, I see hundreds or maybe thousands of girls I would love to get to know. But somewhere deep in my subconscious I think I shouldn't, and perhaps I just lack the cajonest to introduce myself, but I end up getting depressed and just leaving.
I guess the direction I am going with this is that I hate how horribly shy I am. I am told that I am perfectly presentable and socially adequate, but I still fear . . . something about women. I haven't put my finger on it quite yet. So I think the whole reason for writing this blog is this: I had a great time at the play and it was ruined by my terror of rejection.
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Comments

  1. 1n50mn14's Avatar
    Your subconscious is just waiting 'till you meet the right one.
  2. Virgil's Avatar
    Subconscious. Sounds like it was very conscious.

    I guess when you're young and single, girl watching is depressing. I have memories of that. But when you're old and married and can't touch other girls any more, girl watching is fun. Possibly the only fun I have left.,
  3. skib's Avatar
    Becca- I just hope my subconscious communicates with my conscious and lets me know when she comes along!

    Virgil- Yeah, you're right. It was. Someday I'll be able to look back and say the same!
  4. applepie's Avatar
    I'm with Becca:) The right girl will come along. Have you tried to meet people at quieter or less busy functions? It may help with the shyness a bit. It may also help to hear that the girl you're looking to approach is likely just as terrified of rejection as you are.
  5. skib's Avatar
    Well, no, I haven't really. I don't get into town much. The places go are places where conversation is pretty much required, ie out to dinner, school, etc. Once the conversation gets going, no problem! It's the initiation thing I have a hard time with. Yes, it does help to know there are girls out there that are as painfully shy as me, but I can't find them!
  6. mtpspur's Avatar
    Meeting them was always easy for me -- hanging on to them an entirely different manner. My sympathies to the age you are and I assure you you have more on the ball then I ever had. Only advice is to just relax and I know THIS will take some doing because you'll OVERTHINK it but --be yourself. Hang in there. (also keep a handkerchief for drool--girls/ladies know when they are being checked out. lol
    Updated 02-18-2010 at 03:27 AM by mtpspur (usual horrid typing errors)
  7. prendrelemick's Avatar
    Those last words- terror of rejection- I know what you mean. Have you tried Alcohol?
  8. *Classic*Charm*'s Avatar
    Skib, here are my thoughts on the subject. I live in a university town- 98% of people within a 10 km radius of me are young people and most of the time it feels as though there's no-one I'd actually put myself out there to meet. But I think I figured out why it's like that for me, and it might be the same for you. When I see all these perfectly nice people, I'm not in my comfort zone, I'm not at my best. Everyone is most attractive when they're doing something they're good at, and that's difficult to actually access and put together. For example, that girl in the play seemed most attractive to you because because she was likely doing what she does best. She was confident and comfortable. You, however, were out of your comfort zone, hence being too shy to talk to her. I'm most comfortable/ confident surrounded by horses and animals, and surrounded by music, both environments I don't spend enough time in anymore to really have others see me at my best, and why I'm too shy to approach others whether it be on campus or in a bar.

    I agree with everyone else that you just haven't found the right person- you haven't been at your best at the right time she has.
  9. skib's Avatar
    mtspur- crap . . . I didn't even think to wipe my chin till I got home!

    prendrelemick- If FoCo wasn't cracking down on drunk driving, I guarantee I would have been tanked!

    Classic- hmm. There's some food for thought, for sure. Thanks!