Halls of the Dark Muse

There is a pulse that still beats between us, and I wonder.....do you still feel it? Looking through the depths of my soul, there is always you, as an echo in my mind, your voice, seeping through my continues. The grains of sand slide away, we, both of us, morph, as you would say, the pendulum swings, the paradigm shifts, but still there remains something unbroken, inescapable. Guilt tickles at my nerves, though I know, I cannot hold you blameless for it....we both played equal parts....but I seek your warmth, the memories.....I cannot believe that you could have forgotten, and I seek some evidence, perhaps deluding myself reading into signs and symbols that are not truly there, that are mere coincidence, and you life has swept you away....just out of my reach....I have never fully released.....alone in the desert we stand....dark souls.....lost souls....shadows....you are my shadow.....present, there, felt, invisible, unwavering. Would you remember? Would you still care? There have been moments of remission which have drove me to want again to throw myself at you....but I shuddered back from the selfishness of the act. To try again make you play your role in my tragedy. But you are one of the immortal ones who breathed fire and life into me, caressed me with your words. How many times have I struggled with myself, wondering how....how to close the chasm that has grown.....do I dare to discover if it wider then I could imagine, or narrower then I dare hope for? Somewhere in between perhaps, that if we both struggled we could meet in the middle, but perhaps it is I who strives, while you willingly will accommodate but in negligence. Do you still have your beautiful words.....do I still have any right to them? Have you carried me with you, even in some small slivering way? It is this limbo that tortures so, or perhaps the act of trying to preserve those moments in the past, wanting only that and confusing it with the present....I no longer know where to begin, but I would take you back in, if I could, if you would as the ghost of you still follows me however innocently on your part, it is I who conjured it. I cannot escape your shadow gaze and my soul quells.