day in a life

It's 8 in the morning my nephew slept over and the boys are playing in the living room. I am in my little kitchen with my black cup.

It takes time to get two boys down at night when they just want to play and for a minuet I thought to myself that I won't invite him over for a long time. I may not be a perfect parent but my son knows my rules and he knows how things are done here so when another boy comes over and he isn't used to this it complicates things a bit. He eats with his mouth open, that is SOOO annoying. He has a younger brother who is very bossy so he needs to make sure he gets enough so when I put out a plate of grapes he made sure he got more than my son and ate like he had never seen grapes before. I am a rather strict parent but my son still gets as much as I can give him. But my nephew gets everything. He was in a store with his mom and wanted a car he saw, she told him he has this same car at home (he had the exact same car) nope he wanted it now and he got it. They gave my son a drum set for his birthday two years ago and a few days later he wanted one too, so he got one. I don't like this and I think it's not fun for my son but I can't say anything cause it's not my kid and he is sweet.

Funny thing about kids, I have never liked kids, I have tolerated them but not liked. My son is the greatest and funnest boy ever and my two nephews are so sweet and I do adore them too. The other day one coworker got a visit at work from her five year old daughter, I said hi and thought to myself 'I have to be nice' then a girl that works with me came and instantly started chatting with the kid and they just got along. This is something I can't do, not that I want to I just wondered about this.

Last week I got kinda mad at my best friend. We have been friends for 12 years and once we spent most waking moments together. Then I had a kid and things changed a bit. Now her daughter is almost a year old. When she was pregnant she would ask about things and often she didn't agree and her friend (who has no kids) often thought she knew better, it really annoyed me. But usually she came back after the baby was born and said 'now I get it'. I remember doing this myself so OK. Anyway now she has another friend who has a kid around the same age as her daughter and she kinda prefers her company. I called her every day last week after work cause she had said the day before 'call me tomorrow' OK I did, on Friday I called cause in my had I thought we had made plans but she said 'maybe I am gonna meet up with my friend I think' I didn't want to sit and wait for her so I went home. She called and said she could see me at a cafe and I was just upset so I said no. Then I wondered and this is a thought I have had a few times and often think about when it comes to this friend of mine. She is not trying to hurt me, she is thinking about what she wants just like I do. I know she wants to see someone who is doing what she is doing. If I would have had that when my son was born I probably would have too.

So my point is she is reacting to her feelings and thought and I can't take it personally. Even though she is my only friend, I am not her only friend and she has more than once invited me to meet up with her and this girl I just can't handle that.

When we were younger we had similar problems and we had a connection because of that. Now she is a whole lot better and can handle her anxiety better and I can't.

She says hello to people, I try to look the other way and hope they won't see me.

One more thing that is bugging me, my neighbor invited me over yesterday, he lent me some comic books and wanted to talk about them. I hate knowing my neighbors!!! I can say hi and nice weather but chatting about books, nope I don't want to be close to them. I felt bad all day after talking to him for ten minuets and the whole time I was thinking what excuse I could use to leave.

OK this turned out to be a long rant about nothing. I'm just gonna drink more coffee and watch cartoons with the boys.