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Progymnasmata

How I Almost Stepped on a Fairly Large Bear. . ..

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by
The Comedian
, 09-16-2010 at 06:52 PM (1597 Views)
I'm down stairs at my house -- probably checkin' my fantasy football team or reading a LitNet thread, when I hear a loud

*crash, bang, tumble crash!*

from the garage. I think something just fell off of one of the shelves. Maybe one of the kids' sleds.

Anyway, it's gettin' time for me to go pick up the kids. So I walk up stairs and get my keys, wallet and phone and get read to go out the door.

Interlude Regarding "the Door"

We have an attached garage. And since we are almost always driving from one place to another, the house entrance from the garage is our primary entrance.

Furthermore, I have a small landing built that extends out from the house into the garage where we take off our boots, shoes and other such things lest we track mud and sand into the house.

And one more thing: next to this landing, I have a tin garbage can filled with black oil sunflower seeds to feed the birds.

End Interlude

So after I get my keys and other things, I open the door to the garage and only by chance look down at the landing in front of me.

Right there. No further than your nose is to the computer screen is a fairly large adult male North American Black Bear with his paw in the sunflower seed can looking at me with an exasperated "what? Can't I eat in peace? Do I have to be afraid of you now?" I had my foot extended. If I had set it down as I normally would, I'd have stepped on the bear's big fuzzy a$$.

Shocked, I pull in my foot and close the door quickly. I think "this is the photo-op of the century." So I go get my camera and plan my attack. . . .

I'm going to open the door. Click! And close it fast.

I execute my plan, but unfortunately the bear had run just outside of the garage. I walk out, but he runs into the woods and is quickly out of sight.

. . . . . . .

Oh, and the noise I heard while Litnetting? The bear taking the cover off the seed can and tossing it on the concrete floor of the garage.

Updated 09-16-2010 at 06:57 PM by The Comedian

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Comments

  1. Scheherazade's Avatar
    Never pictured you scary enough to chase a "fairly large adult male North American Black Bear" away!

  2. Paulclem's Avatar
    We don't have anything large here in the UK except fairly placid deer - certainly nothing like a bear. There are rumours of released big cats but no firm sightings yet. Great story.
  3. Virgil's Avatar
    Ooh, you got to make sure he doesn't get in the house. Too bad on the picture. I would love to have seen it.
  4. TheFifthElement's Avatar
    Yikes! Sounds very scary. Maybe he'll come back and next time you'll be ready

    Loved the interlude, by the way; really made me smile.
  5. Buh4Bee's Avatar
    You know Virgil... that is not your avatar!

    Anyway, here I am, I'm sure as you planned, reading about bears on the Comedian's blog. Hahhah!

    Comedian- What a story. We were just talking about bears today and coyotes.
  6. mtpspur's Avatar
    Well played. But that bear will probably be back if it senses a regular supply of food so be careful.
  7. The Comedian's Avatar
    mtpspur -- yeah. I've sealed that seed can a bit better since that scene I blogged about. So far, no bears. But now I check, every time!

    jeresa -- see any bears up in your neck of the woods? We actually see them quite a bit. But in the garage next to the house is unique.

    fifth -- thanks for stopping by. I always enjoy your blogs and comments.

    Virgil -- you know, that was my primary thought when I saw that bear: "if he gets in the house, my wife will have a fit!"

    Paul -- thanks for comments. And I'd love to read about big cats in England.

    Scher -- when I say "GRRRRR!" every man, woman, child, beast, bird, mushroom, leaf, and insect trembles with fright!
  8. JuniperWoolf's Avatar
    Hahaha, that would actually be pretty funny. I can picture the look on the bear's face when you opened the door, I bet the frustrated feeling that you described was pretty accurate.
  9. The Comedian's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by JuniperWoolf
    Hahaha, that would actually be pretty funny.
    I have to say that it's my favorite story of the summer. I tell that story to everyone. . .