New guy submits poem.

[VRWC]

Okay, I'm new here- this is only my third post. Please be nice.

My every thought is captured now,
Like Daedalus and the boy,
My mind hemmed in on every side,
By tides of ancient tow.

And the ship's small sails set west again,
Toward the dying of the day.

I remain here, as I've been,
Since first I did offend,
And wake each morning on this isle,
Since the vessel brought me- then,

The ship's small sails set west again,
Toward the dying of the day.

Stare at your disaster,
And wonder what it is,
That brought you to remember,
Clarior e tenebris.

For in this night
I pray my fate,
Lies on another shore.
With wax and feather sewn together,
I lie and wait.

The beginning is always in the east,
Like fertile crescent's dawn,
But in sanctuary we take our rest,
Whether man, mammon, or beast.

Now, the ship's small sails set east to win,
The guerdon of my gain.

But release as the feathers slip,
On the breeze of eternal wonder,
Gliding I see the ship's small sails,
O'ertaken and broken assunder-

By the tide,
the wash,
the foam,
salt spray,
silence-
then forgotten,

Like Daedalus and the boy.

[tadpole]

What you've written is what literary scholars have categorized as "meta poetry" or poetry about poetry (or poetry about fiction . . . poetry about other literature), and it can become problematic if your readers don't know the original work to which you're referring. I think most people remember Icarus and his story, but they may not be so familiar with Daedalus's story.

I'm intrigued but struggling to understand what the speaker is comparing Daedalus's story to--his own pain? Whatever it is, it's not clear to me. I also think that you explain more than you describe, and you should strive for the opposite. I also don't like the repition of lines, but that's entirely a personal preference.

I hope you don't consider my commentary mean because that's not my intention. I just want to provide some constructive criticism. :) One of my favorite stupid movies is The Long Kiss Goodnight, which includes a character whose code name is Daedalus. It's such a great name.

[firestarter]

well, i am definately not an expert on criticising poetry, but from what i read i really like it. its poems like these that make me think of how poetry should be written. keep it up, and write more soon.
firestarter

[b]

Hello, VRWC

First, let me quote Ovid - as I do often, actually:

DIXIT ET IGNOTAS ANIMUM DIMITTIT IN ARTES
NATURAMQUE NOVAT NAM PONIT IN ORDINE PENNAS...

The poem you wrote - about the Icarus story - really amuses me, though it is actually poetry 'about poetry'. Like Ovid himself, you're a true POETA DOCTUS, it seems to me. But you not only have the skills to do such a thing: you also have a very authentical, personal and emotional feeling that you express by means using a feeling of already existing literature.

A problem to this is - just like many Renaissance poets noticed - that it is often temptative to enslave yourself to the structure and style of the poet that you are referring to. In such case, you lose your own sense of creativity; you didn't do that - yet.

ps.

Why don't you use the dactilical hexameter?

[VRWC]

I'm in the process of moving, so I have been without a computer for a little while. I apologize for not replying sooner.

Bartholomeus, I have studied Greek, I have a degree in music, so I have often seen passages in dactilical hexameter. However, I've not seen more than a couple of original english poems in dactilical hexameter. You have sparked an interest in me to examine the form; it may provide me a fresh challenge as I am interested in the application of various forms. Although, I guess dactilical hexameter is a term applied to rhythm and not form correct? Much like Hopkins use of sprung rhythm, the line leant itself more easily to certain forms than others. You'll forgive me for not being as familiar with such things as I once was.

You said that one may be drawn into the structure and style of the poet to whom one is referring. I had not given that much thought. I assume you meant that I may be tempted with Ovid's text. If you could, please elaborate. Often, I find that I am influenced by Auden more than anyone (though not as much in the above example), because I read more Auden than any other poet.

Bartholomeus, I am interested to know two more things from you. First, your avatar is Son of Man by Magritte. Are you an admirer of Magritte's work? Would you consider yourself a surrealist or maybe even an absurdist. I myself love the absurd.

Secondly, I know it is normally taboo to inquire about one's screen name as revealing it's source takes away from one's mystery, but does your name refer to Harold Bloom. Your posts remind me of his critical style. I mean critical in it's academic sense not in the negative. I identify with Bloom in that I prefer poetry and short stories to novels.

Thanks to all three of you who replied to my post. I am currently editing two more poems that I will submit shortly.

[b]

Dear VRWC,

What I meant to say was: when you refer to already existing literature and use the exact story of a classical poem, you might loose your original feeling, which made you write the poem after all.

In such case, you often use the style and the structure of the author you're referring to, which opresses the most important part of your own creativity.

And about the dactilical hexameter: every single roman and greek epos is written using that structure of metre! I mean: when you've studied Greek I assume that you have read Homer, haven't you? I am currently busy studying Latin - a very satisfying language by the way - and my favorite authors, Ovid and Vergil, also use the dactilical hexameter.

I understand that the dactilic hexameter is very different when you use it in Greek, Latin or English: that's why I was wondering whether you used it or not.

ps.

My avatar is indeed from Magritte. I chose it not only because I like (his) surrealism, but also because it rather suits in the context of this forum or the internet in general: though you know you're speaking with a man, his face is hidden by means of an giant green apple, which gives the whole way of communication a rather surreal, inhumain or even robotic impression. My signature confirms that and it gives - at the same time - a bit more information, if you read Shakespeare at least.

I chose to use the name "Bartholomeus Bloom" for two reasons. One: my real name is Bart(holomeus) Fleuren. Fleuren - evolved from Flouren or Fleur - implies the word flower, which I made more explicite by using the more grotesque and vulgar name "Bloom". Two: "Bloom" is the last name of the main character from James Joyce's Ulysses - Leopold Bloom, who represents for me the idea of all embraecing cultural ambiguousness: something that is quite appropiate for categorizing my feelings about the whole literature-forum idea; also because my nationality is Dutch.

[VRWC]

Bartholomeus,

I now understand what you were refering to about inspiration from classical poetry. I have to admit, however, that my education on the classic myths came from Bulfinch's Mythology and not from the original texts.

Are you studying latin on your own or at school? I hope to begin taking Latin this summer when I have some time off. Is there a particular text that you have found useful in the study of the language?

[b]

VRWC,

Most people - when they are just beginning to study Latin - read Ceaser or Livius, for their proze is relatively easy. But when you're really passionate about the language, I should immediately start to read Ovid and Vergil, for they have written the most beautiful poetry that the language can offer you - I think.