The Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest

[Pendragon]

MarkBastable's extraordinary pun poem on the Famous Quoted Line contest, had me thinking about a contest dealing with this type poem. YesNo seconded the motion, so I forthwith open the contest.

1) This contest will make use of a quote of some kind which must be worked into the poem, the more ridiculous, the better. Puns on the lines would be excellent. Sarcastic satire also welcome. Comedy of all types allowed, although I do ask you to keep vulgarity to a minimum, please.

2) Anyone can enter, only one winner, who must then give the line for the next contest, and judge said contest.

OK. The line is "Come to me my melancholy baby"

Great luck to ye all!

Pen

[YesNo]

Happy Girl

Come to me my melancholy baby.
Don't giggle so. I like you better sad
Especially when I am thinking, maybe,
Some other guy's the reason you're so glad.

[Calidore]

Edit: Never mind

[Calidore]

Sorry, this isn't comedy, but it wrote itself once I had the pun, so I need to put it down to get it out of my head.

You pushed into my heart and took control
Your beauty hid your malice 'til too late
You've come to be my hell, svengali lady
I hope it's not too tight inside that crate

[Pendragon]

Nice one, Cal! Just the type we're looking for! Think poets, then write! :)

[cacian]

come to me my melancholy baby
it never is what you think solemly
blindly,
rivetting tale I hear you say softly
it makes the world wants to jump wisely,
I never tire of catching you up sweetly
it is now or never I see you tread loudely
Nay, is one way of sobering up quickly
in case the drums you slump drive you wildely

[Pendragon]

I'll give this one until the 8th (My mother's birthday) Write poets! Write!

[jajdude]

He was a sad dog indeed
but old George loved him so
Tears of love expressed his need
Those tears of love would flow
Together they would sob for hours
I think this is the reason, maybe,
When calling for those lovely showers
He'd say, "Come to me my melon collie baby."

[Pendragon]

I know I said the 8th, Mama's birthday, but yesterday didn't go all that well...

Anyway:

The line was: "Come to me my melancholy baby."

Before I announce the winner, here's a pun poem of my own:

My cousin Collen and her husband Mel have a brand-new baby girl
The greenest eyes I have ever seen and red hair that falls in curls
They asked if I like to hold her, and although I'm not that baby savvy
I said "Come to me, my Mel and Collen's baby!"

I like the puns better than anything else, and here Calidore's epic line "You've come to be my hell, Svengali lady" cannot be improved upon. Congrats, Cal! You're up! :wave:

[Calidore]

Thanks! I'm happy to have won a contest, though apprehensive that I now have to judge poetry when I can barely write it.

Sorry about your mom's birthday, Pendragon. Hope her next is better.

Anyway, here's the next line: "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?"

Looking forward to seeing what you all come up with. Above all, have fun!

[cacian]

Calidore congratulations on your win a well deserved one!
sorry to hear about your mother Pendragon. I hope all is well now.

[BookBeauty]

My congratulations to Calidore for the win.

Now, I realize that the quote given for this round is from Lord of the Rings... Or sounds like it. But I took this in a completely different direction, which I quite enjoyed. I hope that it fits into the requirements. :D


Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Preaches of virtue, and needless sin,
Shambling home with the scent of gin,
Wearing an insipid, dopey grin,

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Could it be the philanthropist's song?
Ones that spends to right a wrong?
When ev'ry coin lands in the rich man's thong!

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

A surgeon will make the cleanest jut,
To see within the darkest gut,
But, went to school for a greater cut!

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?

Could it be the poet's pen?
Who drives their passion from the fen,
To seek the cruelest of the ken?

Who knows what lurks in the hearts of men?

[Pendragon]

Bought some cans of spam that mysterious meat
Then I stopped to wonder about just what I was fixing to eat
Recycled meat compressed in the can--
Who knows what weevil lurks in the dark pink spam?

Pendragon (C) 2012

[Pendragon]

My congratulations to Calidore for the win.

Now, I realize that the quote given for this round is from Lord of the Rings... Or sounds like it. But I took this in a completely different direction, which I quite enjoyed. I hope that it fits into the requirements. :D

Actually, it is the Shadow Radio Program call line, along with the second: 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay" Both lines were ended by the phrase: "The Shadow Knows!" followed by a very creepy laugh!

[Calidore]

Actually, it is the Shadow Radio Program call line, along with the second: 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay" Both lines were ended by the phrase: "The Shadow Knows!" followed by a very creepy laugh!

Should be spoken by Orson Welles for best effect.

[BookBeauty]

Actually, it is the Shadow Radio Program call line, along with the second: 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay" Both lines were ended by the phrase: "The Shadow Knows!" followed by a very creepy laugh!

My mistake :D.. But very interesting anecdote. Thanks :)

[krymsonkyng]

Like Aztecs, they sacrifice slaves
because the fastest way to an elder god's favor is through heartfelt offerings
and the fastest way to a man's heart is through the sternum.
What beats me is how he-who-waking-sleeps hasn't had a coronary yet.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?
All that cholesterol and it's not like a seagod exercises or lacks for salt.
Its blood pressure must be inconceivable.
Though I suppose they burn the calories on the altar
and there's the pre-sacrifice sprint and struggle.
Is that really enough to keep the thousand eyes god looking
trim, fit and terrifying?
I have a lone request for the head cultist chef
so when the sleeping god wakes he'll be worth double takes:
Use more vegans.

[YesNo]

Evil Living It Up

How goes it, Evil, lurking in the hearts of men?
You're dining well on greed and hate and lust.
Most men don't mind once you have settled in.
The women folk enjoy you, too, I trust.

[Calidore]

Four quality entries so far, but I'd like to see more. I did forget to assign a cutoff date, so let's give it until the end of the month. Keep 'em coming, folks.

[Calidore]

I had an idea for one of my own about a farmer who tries out a new experimental feed for his chickens but finds that 1) it makes them horribly flatulent, and 2) it's contaminated with weevil eggs. As a result of 1), the 2) end up being blown all over the farm, severely impacting the crops. Thinks the horrified farmer: "Who knew that weevils lurked in the farts of hens?"

Needless to say, turning all that into a poem went way beyond my patience level, especially when the result's not eligible for judging anyway. Plus, Pendragon went and stole weevil for his own use, the fiend.

Enough stalling; time to man up and pick a winner. All had something to recommend them, but I'm going to pick BookBeauty's for her variety of applications and flawless rhythm.

Krymsonkyng's entry does remind me of a question I've always had: Why is vegan pronounced "vee-gan" (hard g) and not vej-an? They don't eat veegtables.

BookBeauty, your go. And thanks and regrets to the rest of you. I enjoyed reading the lot.

[BookBeauty]

Wow, thank you so much! I'm honoured. :) Really great work from the rest of you too!

The next line is: ''Never put off 'til tomorrow, what you can do today.''

Have fun with this one!

I'll make it due next Thursday, on the 8th. I can do that, right? One week! Chop chop!

[YesNo]

Delaying Pleasure, Facing Pain

Though pleasure might wait till tomorrow
And pain will rush in anyway,
It's best not to bite off more sorrow
Than one can digest well today.

[Pendragon]

Hard times affect us one and all
Every time the phone rings. another creditor calls
I've got to learn to live within my means some way
And never set out to borrow more than I can pay today

Pendragon

[BookBeauty]

I'm so, so, sorry to be late in delivering my judgment!

Two excellent, awesome entries. I'd give it a tie, if I could.

Pendragon - Your piece was really thinking outside the box here, and brought a lovely flavour to the contest guidelines. I loved what you did with this!

YesNo - Your rhythm, rhyme, and execution are really playful and fun. I enjoy fun.

Thusly, the winner is:

YesNo!

You're up.

[YesNo]

Thanks, BookBeauty! I liked yours, too, Pendragon.

So, I have to come up with a line for the next contest.

Hmm. OK. Here's the line:


Mary had a little lamb

Deadline: April 2, two weeks from now.

[Calidore]

This isn't original, so I'm just throwing it out for people's amusement. Can't remember where I first heard it.

Mary had a little lamb
The doctor was surprised

It might work better sung.

[Pendragon]

It was Mary's time for supper
And along with scones and jam
Mashed potatoes, Caesar salad, and tea--
Mary had a little lamb

[cacian]

Mary had her little takes
she often liked to win the games
she played when she were little girl
so Mary one day got her way
she played and won a little lamb
her little lamb is now all grown
and likes to travel round in worlds
it likes to keep its options well
slightely open slightely quaint
such is Mary and the lamb
they never knew they had it phew!!
easy going and easy comes

[Dark Muse]

Mary had a little lamb
he was ever her dearest friend,
to this lamb she did confide
all of her greatest secrets
and always at supper time
a place at the table she set
so beside her the little lamb may eat,
and if she noticed the curious looks
which followed her wherever she went
she surely showed no sign,
for poor Mary never did know
that her dearest friend
existed only in her little head,
her lamb none else could see.

[YesNo]

Thanks for all the entries!

Calidore: I think I heard something like this before and I still enjoy it.

Pendragon: I liked how you ended this with Mary eating that lamb.

cacian: It is interesting how you portrayed the lamb as something Mary won in a game and how it stayed with her many years.

Dark Muse: This is a very nice description of Mary's lamb as her imaginary friend.

The winner is Pendragon!

Your poem contained the most satire, if I understand that word correctly. Congratulations!

[Pendragon]

Thank you, YesNo! Let's see here... um... OK, the next line is:

Don't cry for me, Argentina!

(I see several possibilities there, already)





Good luck and God bless!

[YesNo]

Getting Rid of Him

Don't buy for me arsenic, Tina,
Though I love your sweet cookies and pie.
You've found out about Magdalina?
It's too late now. I know. Pass the pie.

[miyako73]

Last Tango in Buenos Aires

Don't cry for me, Argentina.
I'm here for carne asada.

Find yourself a gaucho.
Or wait for another gringo.

[cacian]

Thank you YesNo for the feedback and congratulations to Pendragon!!!

don't fray for thy quaint regina
for world is always thy arena
don't cry for he sweet argentina
for love is nought a clear artena
leave it to he to seek more eras
and you be sure to claim a reina

[Delta40]

I cried for a Gent in Tina
I know it sounds a little strange
but I love a bit of masculina
to test my feminine range.

Tina wrestles me to the floor,
his make-up smeared by my grasp.
While his muscle keeps me captive,
I rejoice in his/her heavenly clasp!

[Calidore]

The concert hall comes down next week
Once the biggest and best in the state
Box office grew thin and decay soon set in
It could no longer claim to be great

But don't cry for the large arena
Sure, the rats will need someplace to go
But the mall that they build will quite soon be filled
And the cash will continue to flow

[Delta40]

isn't this supposed to be about Argentina?

[slipee]

Unlike Argent Dawn necrophelia,
when cold and unbeating, I'm free,
picture me...
blue, though in me,
retained fidelity.
Don't cry for me Argentina,
virgin now free,
white belt red striped - that is me,
unknowingly,
Aphrodite, not who motivated me,
in this Judo Gee,
with Gaia I'll be,
one and only,
uncomprehendedly,
freer than free.

[Pendragon]

All of you, great work! I had many a chuckle.

My own interpretation might be

I went to see the fortune tellers
Two lovely ladies with crystal balls
But as they told each one their fate
I became more and more appalled
Death and dread became their sermon
Sorrow and pain filled their arena
So when my turn came I cried
"Don't scry for me, Marge and Tina!"


Note: Scry means to look into the future in a crystal ball or through a hole in a special stone.

The winner is: (drum roll, please!) cacian! More pun lines than I ever expected! Congrads!

[Calidore]

isn't this supposed to be about Argentina?

Not necessarily. You can use the starting line as-is or make a pun out of it and run with that.

Congrats, cacian!

[cacian]

wow thank you very much Pendragon I am very flattered!! glad you liked the piece!:p
Thank you cafolini!


Ok here is the next line:

''the lady's not for turning''

good luck !!

[YesNo]

That lady's not for burning
Though witch she just might be.
She's queen of all this fairy land.
Her king leads armies that will stand
With her most faithfully.

[Dark Muse]

How to Properly Prepare a Lady

A lady's not for turning,
I prefer to have her grilling,
just a dash of salt and pepper
if she is ripe, a lady but needs
little extra dressing,
medium rare to keep her tender,
for when she is fair,
there should always remain
a little pink in the coloring,
now let her set for maximum flavoring,
how nicely she will go
with a fine Bordeaux.

[Calidore]

This play does not bear learning!
I'd sooner end my life!
It's only fit for burning!
Who wrote this, sir? ...Your wife?

[Pendragon]

O'Grady's not for learning
He finds reading a great waste of time
He could not care less about arithmetic
Add, Subtract, Multiply, Devide

O'Grady's hot for yearning
About pints down at the pub
He know just how many they will serve
Before they kick him to the curb

O'Grady's not discerning
But he can read the price of beer
Michelob, Budweiser, Coors, or Miller
Which for the least cost brings him cheer?

O'Grady's plot they are turning
Into a grave six foot by three
If he should live beyond the grave
Do you think he'll read the inscription carved by me?

Pendragon
(C) 5/3/2012

[slipee]

HAhahaha!
So many are so fantastic.
Of course, I agree!
(Great work by all!)

[cacian]

after much deliberating it is now time to announce the winner.
I have to say however that all of them were very fun to read and all deserving winners but since I can only pick one then the winner goes to
Calidore for its short but very witty and most hilarious read it really made laugh a lot haha!!
thank you all
and
congratulations Calidore!!:p

[MorpheusSandman]

Should be spoken by Orson Welles for best effect.Talk about serendipity: I read this line right as I heard Orson Welles speaking since Citizen Kane is playing on the TV in the other room. Spooky!

[Calidore]

after much deliberating it is now time to announce the winner.
I have to say however that all of them were very fun to read and all deserving winners but since I can only pick one then the winner goes to
Calidore for its short but very witty and most hilarious read it really made laugh a lot haha!!
thank you all
and
congratulations Calidore!!:p

Cool, thanks, cacian. When it comes to posting poetry on this site, I tend to feel like Jud Fry among all the clean-cut, handsome cowboys, so I'm happy whenever something I write works for someone.

So, next line: "It's a Long Way to Tipperary." Homework due by June 1.

[slipee]

Hehe, I agree, Calidore fit the bill nicely - grats.

I'm doing one more just for fun :p

After the final spin, I'm still grazing on the couch
'I'll hang them out later' I murmur, with my lazy mouth
a cow on the couch grazing lazily, that's just me; let me be
Naturally is free, what's wrong with cleansing bacterially?

Go dry for me, hired cleaner;
I suppose you require a fee, can't you see
that blokes like me aren't Gents, we're much meaner
and self hygiene comes second to literacy

[YesNo]

Getting Away from Sherry

It's a long, long way to run from Sherry.
It's a long, long way, I know.
She is sweeter now with my friend Harry.
How I used to love them so.
Through the springtime they both were merry:
Why do lovebirds love a show?
It's a pity my pain's so scary.
Would it leave, too, and let me go.

[Pendragon]

That is the wrong way to rip a canary
It ruins the flavor and cut of the the meat
They are already small, so ruining one is a waste
To dine on canary you need to be wary

[MorpheusSandman]

An old couple drank them some sherry
From the waitress that served them named Mary
The man patted her ***
His wife had to sass:
"That's the wrong way to tip her, Harry."

[Calidore]

Only three?
Goodness me
Let me now make a plea
For more entries to make a proper potpourri

I'm not mad
I'm just sad
Was my start line so bad?
Should I go to Craigslist and take out a want ad?

[tailor STATELY]

"It's a Long Way to Tipperary"

My friend flew in from Texas and got
a little tipsy
Our conversation didn't faze him much
until I mentioned my dear
cow Betsie

We called it a night but later he crept out
heading for dear old Betsie
And in the moonlight in the pasture
where Betsie was fast asleep
Harry sniggered and stole up near her side

He gave Betsie quite a shove in her side
and she toppled and rolled moaning
down the hill a pace, stopped, and shook
her head a bit to clear her senses...
and that r-e-a-l-l-y fired up Harry

He laughed and snorted guffawing
his chortling and Betsy's moaning
an echoing din I awoke to - I then
ran to see what-in-the-world
was all the commotion

I said "it's a long way to tip 'er 'arry"
not much of an admonition I reckon
When dear ol' Betsie out of nowhere
busted him in the family jewels
So now I call him Mary

5/31/2012 r.6/1/2012

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[Calidore]

Sorry I'm a bit late with this. As usual, it's a difficult choice, this time between YesNo's immersive melancholy, Pendragon's off-center approach, tailor's funny cow-tipping story, and newcomer-to-the-contest (welcome!) Morpheus' funny waitress-tipping story. Being especially partial to a quality limerick, I'm going to pick Morpheus this time out.

Well done, everyone. Your go, Morpheus.

[MorpheusSandman]

Thanks so much, Calidore! I think this is the first time I've ever won anything. OK, next line (from Dylan's Subterranean Homesick Blues):

"You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows."

[YesNo]

I wish I knew a weather man
Who knew which way my wild winds blow
Then whether north or south they go
I'd have some time to duck today
Before they roughed me up, but, hey,
It's fun to feel them when I can.

[Calidore]

Deadline, Morpheus?

[Pendragon]

"You don't need a weather man to know which way the wind blows."
They almost never get the weather right, anyway.
Once I walked to the bus stop in six inches of "partly cloudy."
I got sunburn one Christmas Day while riding a skateboard through "snow flurries"
We almost drowned on a "beautiful, sunny skies" in torrential rains.
Perhaps the old "Indian Weather Rock" is better:
Tie a rock onto a tripod of sticks with a strong cord.
Put the tripod outdoors, highly visible from a window.
If the rock moves back and forth, it's windy outside.
If the rock is wet, it is raining.
If the rock has turned white, it is, or has been, snowing.
If the rock grows icicles, it is freezing out.
If the rock reflects light, it's sunny.
Bye, bye weather man! Hello, Indian Weather Rock!

Pendrgon

[Dark Muse]

Hurricane Blues

You don't need a weather man
to tell which way the wind is blowing,
for this hurricane would be hard to miss
(hey was that a cow just flew past the window?)
I predict cloudy skies with a chance of
.....oh......wait......well there goes the roof,
I guess I will be staying in tonight,
even though my living room is filling with rain
and the walls begin to shake,
well at least I still have this radio,
the weather reports......
and there goes the signal.

[Pendragon]

A judge is long overdue here! Anybody playing the contest? Hello! Hello?

:argue::confused5::confused5::confused5::argue:

[Calidore]

Morpheus hasn't posted regularly to the forum in a month, and never answered my earlier request for a deadline. Since I was the previous judge and have no irons in this fire, anyone object to my picking a winner so we can proceed?

[Dark Muse]

Go for it!

[Pendragon]

Please do!

[Calidore]

Okay, good deal. As always, I enjoy YesNo's work for its accessibility and rhythm; and living in Chicago I understand Pendragon's narrator's frustration with weather reports that seem to be for somewhere else (and I especially loved the line "Once I walked to the bus stop in six inches of "partly cloudy," which I would very much like to steal someday). This time around I'm going to give it to Dark Muse's depiction of deteriorating circumstances, which reminded me of a Buster Keaton movie.

Have at it, then.

[Dark Muse]

Oh, thank you very much.

[Pendragon]

Congrats once more, DarkMuse! :yesnod:

[Dark Muse]

Sometime ago I read "A Haunting on Hill House" in which this phrase was frequnetly used and then recently it popped up again in something I was reading. So I am going with :

Journeys end in lovers meeting

[cacian]

Dark Muse that is an oustanding choice I like the line for some reason and it somehow reminded me of Howard's End.

[Pendragon]

They loved each other all their lives
They never told each other that
They kept missing opportunities to meet
Forgot words to say even when they met
She loved him from afar, followed every movement
He held her close vicariously with his eyes
They never found the courage to make dreams reality
They were both alone the day they died
They buried him in Round Hill Cemetery
Her family plot was close at hand
When they buried her she lay beside him
Finally together at journey's end
Journeys end in lovers meeting
The hand of fate just won't be denied
Even the grave can't prevent destiny--
Journeys end, they meet in the sweet bye and bye...

Pendragon
(C) 7/28/2012

[YesNo]

The hot dogs end with lovers eating.
Mustard, ketchup dripping free.
Why are their lips always meeting?
Stomachs fill eventually.

[Pendragon]

Did my fellow poets forget this contest? Only two entries...

[cacian]

Oops yes we have let see what one can do.

Journeys end in lovers meeting
and sweet old sweet home finds its own amuse bouche
laughters sound the rings of friendship
and saddness leaves its comments empty
Journeys end in lovers meeting
all is well that must end all wells

[Calidore]

Whoops, I did too. Glad it's not too late.


It had been a busy time
For young Bernie's relatives
So his mom bought a stack of cards
Both positives and negatives

Holidays and milestone days
Happenings of every kind
She gave Bernie the "mailroom" job
And gave him scoldings when he whined

"What do you do all day?" she asked
"This won't kill you; get it done."
She gave him all the addresses
And turned away, thinking she'd won

But Bernie shuffled all the cards
In protest of this cruel mistreating
And to each recipient
Bernie sent another's greeting

The funeral got "Get well soon!"
The wedded pair got sympathy
The divorcees got "Goodbye, good luck!"
The spinster aunt got Mother's Day

His mom made Bernie face them all
He had to say, "I'm sorry," and
Each new card sent that whole year
He made entirely by hand

[Dark Muse]

Pendragon: A very dark approach but I enjoyed your interpretation of the line. There was something bittersweet about the ending I thought, and fates way of bringing them finally together. I like the way in which you manage to tell a complete story with your words.

YesNo: This made my laugh out loud. It was fun an quirky and I enjoyed your play on words in how you chose to incorporate the line into the poem.

Callidore: I really enjoyed the originality of your poem and the quirkiness. I loved the swapping of the cards, and got a good laugh out of that part. Sounds like the sort of thing I would be tempted to do. Though I did have trouble seeing any reflection of the original line within this one.

and the winner is.....

cacian: I loved this line "and sweet old sweet home finds its own amuse bouche" and I really enjoyed the play upon Shakespeare in the last line, which is another way of tying the original line into the poem. I enjoyed your cleverness, and the mood created by your words

[Calidore]

Callidore: I really enjoyed the originality of your poem and the quirkiness. I loved the swapping of the cards, and got a good laugh out of that part. Sounds like the sort of thing I would be tempted to do. Though I did have trouble seeing any reflection of the original line within this one.


Glad you enjoyed it. The original line was punned as "Bernie sent another's greeting." I thought that would be going near the beginning or end, but when I wrote the poem, it ended up in the middle. I guess that would be a stealth pun.

Congratulations on the win, Cacian! Also, I had never heard the phrase "amuse bouche" before, so I learned something. If only I could afford to eat in the kind of restaurants where those are served.

[Dark Muse]

Glad you enjoyed it. The original line was punned as "Bernie sent another's greeting." I thought that would be going near the beginning or end, but when I wrote the poem, it ended up in the middle. I guess that would be a stealth pun..

Oh I get it now :p

[cacian]

Thank you very much Dark Muse for the feedback and I am really glad you enjoyed it!
Calidore I have amuse bouche once it is really isn't that much of a miss haha.:p
In fact you get recipees and make them yourself!

Anyway I must think of something soon will get back sometimes today...

Ok everyone here is one:

''Abandon hope all ye that enter here" -Dantes Inferno-


Good luck!! :thumbs_up

[Pendragon]

Sing-Sing wasn't known for cleanliness
The stench of the prisoners was something to fear
Still I thought it harsh to see the sign
"Abandon soap all ye that enter here!"

It's bad enough to be locked in a cell
Twenty-three hours out of every day
But my clothes are filthy, body sticky with sweat
Oh, Lord! For a bath and a piece of soap, I pray!

But at least the smell keeps away the rats
The bedbugs, roaches, centipedes and skeeters
A odorous blessing in pungent disguise--
Abandon soap, all ye that enter here!

Pendragon
(C)8/23/2012

[cacian]

Need more entries if it is possible :D

[YesNo]

Achieving a Life-Long Goal

"Hell is hot with pain and groundless fear.
There is no hope for those who enter here."
So, do not enter! Oh. It's now too late.
You saw the door. You didn't hesitate.
You say you had to knock to get inside?
It's not as if that door was open wide.
It took much doing, struggling, needless fear
To lose all hope so you could enter here.

[cacian]

Ok it's time for deliberation. Both poems are cool.

Pendragon I enjoyed the humour and got a right idea about the despair of cell habitations not very nice indeed!

but I have to chose one and the winning goes to

YesNo's piece for its briefness and snapiness conveying the full wrath haha of the quote! :p
Verywell done and congratulations!!

[YesNo]

Thanks, cacian!

The next quote for the comedy/satire/pun contest is from Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!


A person's a person, no matter how small.

Deadline: Sunday, September 23rd, almost 3 weeks from now.

[MarkBastable]

Non-Violent Protest

The Mormons have set up a new chain of stores,
In which only Latter-Day Saints are allowed.
So the Catholics have opened, in retaliation,
Outlets for no one but their congregation,
And Baptists the length and the breadth of the nation
Give thanks for a holy online innovation –
Nonconformist dot com, in the Cloud.

Bill Bailey, a Presbyterian cleric,
Strides into the Center, appalled.
Security clock this deliberate intrusion.
Bill's chased past the fountains, and in the confusion,
He yells as he takes several scrapes and contusions,
“This retail schism's an evil delusion!
A parson’s a person, no matter whose mall!”

[cacian]

A person's person
no matter how small
and a mountain's
a mountain no matter
how deep
size up no more
it is not about height
weight up no less
it is not about might
a person's person
and it's all about tact.

[Pendragon]

The spittle flew as he raved at me
Called me every name I'd ever heard
Made some up on the spot
Combined ancient profanity with modern additions
Then as he stormed off he yelled
"Nothing personal but I hate your guts!"
A cursing is personal regardless the gall...

Pendragon
(c) 9/6/2012

[Calidore]

It's amazing the disparity between what's in your head when you start writing and what ends up on the page when you're done. I'm not sure this even qualifies for the contest any more due to a lack of actual comedy, but the pun's in there, and I went to the trouble of writing it all out, so here it is.


Radiation is strange; we know much but not all.
It has helped in our rise and may hasten our fall.
Its effects on our bodies is known, more or less,
But then something happens we couldn't have guessed.

My paper sent me to an underground lab.
Seems they'd found something new and now wanted to gab.
When I got here, however, the mood was quite low.
They went through the motions, then brought me below.

By way of explaining, I was led to a bed.
And the man laying there--I could see through his head.
The rest of him, too, though I blinked quite a lot.
I wanted to touch, but they said, "Better not."

It seems he was a tech who had caught a huge burst
Of a new energy they had thought safe at first.
As they carried him in, they had felt him grow light.
Once they had him in bed, they saw clearly his plight.

"His body is gone; there's no mass and no weight.
Just his image is left, though in a conscious state.
Had he substance...but no, the writing's on the wall.
This person's dispersing--no matter at all."

Whoa, conscious state? "Yes, when we wrote 'What's your name?'
He mouthed it to us, plus some four-letter blame.
We wish we could help, but what is there to do?
There's no name for his state, even. We have no clue!

"When he fades from our sight, will he really be dead,
or will he still exist, maybe in infrared?"
Wait, how long ago was this? Can I get out of here?
"That burst went through the shields. Write 'til you disappear."

Then one man lost speech, and then all the rest.
They had filled in some blanks, and some more I've just guessed.
The burst fried computers and phones, so no call.
They've backup lights and power, but that's about all.

Now I'm writing left-handed; the pen fell through my right.
I can hardly feel it, though I'm holding it tight.
They now have their answers. Soon I'll have them too.
Wish just sitting and waiting weren't all I can do.

[Calidore]

Bump. Any more?

[YesNo]

Time to pick a winner!

MarkBastable: This was a very funny bit of sarcasm and a great last line.

cacian: The comparison between a person and a mountain emphasizes how size is often irrelevant. I liked the word "tact" at the end.

Pendragon: Your last line is as true as it gets.

Calidore: I think you have pushed the smallness of the person about as far as it is able to go. I liked the meter you picked.

They were all wonderful. I might add a poem's a poem no matter who wins, so without further delay, the winner is

Calidore

Congratulations!

[cacian]

Hey thank you very much YesNo an congratulations Calidore!!

[Calidore]

Thanks, YesNo. Give yourself credit for the meter, though, since it was your line.

Back into the Comfy Chair of Judgment I go. Here's a classic line that has inspired a prominent anti-literary contest named for its author, but which has also been used in some pretty good stories. Which kind of poem you use it for is up to you.

"It was a dark and stormy night."

Let's make the deadline October 13. That'll enable the next contest to run until Halloween, should the next judge choose that theme.

Off you go, and have fun.

[Pendragon]

Trying to write a novel
My ideas just won't scan
I need some inspiration
To pick up my thoughts again
Saw a little red doghouse
Pictured Snoopy as he typed
Say, that just might kickstart me
"It was a dark and stormy night!"

Pendragon
(C) 9/26/2012

[cacian]

It was a dark and stormy night
the rain was kicking it out a roam
the wind blew rage
it was a gale
I tried to think
quicker and write
it was getting later then late
I had to pause
the sound was force
I would come back
collect my thoughts
when the weather and I
are gold

[YesNo]

Once

Once upon a time I heard
With joy the chirping of a bird,
But now such pleasures mock my plight.
It was a dark, bewitching, stormy night.
My love was singing in the rain
Like one who had just gone insane
Enchanted by that God of flight
Who thought, like Gods, he had the right
To take whatever he might find
To calm the wierdness of his mind.
That's when my Julie flew away
To play the angel night and day.

No doubt she really loved that guy
Who pounced upon her from the sky.
It's not the way that I would woo.
That's likely why she left me, too.
If I had wings, I'd win her back,
If I could beat off his attack.
It happened many years ago
One stormy night, one tale of woe.
My mind since then has been a mess
With inner voices causing stress
And telling me, "Remember this:
You saw her give that God a kiss!"

Tonight another storm comes in
To let more pounding rains begin.
I'm old, defeated. I don't care.
Wind, blow my ashes anywhere.
Come, rinse my mind, let me forget
As pecking raindrops get me wet!...
I'm sorry....I got it all wrong.
My tears should long have turned to song.
So patiently you waited smiling.
Forgiveness can be so beguiling.
Now I know how joy brings laughter,
And we lived happ'ly ever after.

[Dark Muse]

The Midnight Soliloquy

I heard him pacing again
back and forth across the floor
ever restless he was
this phantom of mine,
slowly I opened my eyes
to wonder just what has perturbed him now,
"It was a dark and stormy night"
he began his usual soliloquy
skeptically I turned mine eyes
to the window and looked upon
the moonlit night, shining
full and bright, in the cloudless sky,
I had not it within me to interrupt,
of course my haunt would be of
a melodramatic temperament,
"and the rain began to fall in torrents"
I rolled my eyes as he began again
oblivious to my presence
while he bemoaned agonies as figmentary
as himself, thus I murmured "Goodnight"
before closing my eyes again
and pulling the blankets over my head.

[Jaked]

Hallowed halls, once ringing joy, now eerily deserted;
Furtive whispers in the walls, wan downcast eyes averted;
Scribbled fear, a frantic plea, last hope in inky meter;
Bloodshot eyes, a vacant stare, this ghostly, hollow reader;
Dawn’s faint tendrils, ever near, cast shadowy pale fright!
Quoth professor never more, twas a stark and dormy night!

[prendrelemick]

Infinite Monkeys

Infinite monkeys,
Typing.

Words come up,
And down.
(Simian grammar is complex.)

Arranged for,

Describing
A
Ripening
Kumquat tree or fig.

A
N
D

Suddenly (after a thousand years or more,)
Tails prehensile,
Or thumbs opposable,
Rampaging and chattering over infinite keys,
Manufacture a sentence,
(Young Gibbons learn fast.)

Not Shakespeare – yet,
Infinity has still a way still to run.
Gibbonish hands,
Hold up the words in triumph.
“Twas a dark and stormy night.”

[MarkBastable]

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_kTd0LTQWgE4/SMRSoWq7QHI/AAAAAAAAAMs/lvrkc6tpUWc/s400/NewStrnen.jpg

[Calidore]

Thanks for entering, everyone. Nice to see a couple of new folks (to this thread) as well.

This one I'm going to give to prendrelemick; I liked the million monkeys story and the left-side structure. Very well done.

Also, as a lifelong Peanuts fan, I have to give bonus points to Pendragon for the Snoopy reference. Nonetheless, everyone's poems were, as always, very enjoyable to read, and thanks again for posting them.

So congratulations, prendrelemick, your go!

[cacian]

prendrelemick congratulations!!

[prendrelemick]

Thank you Calidore and Cacian. It was a case of constraint leading to creativity.


The next phrase is that well worn legend "May contain nuts". I'm not bothered if you chop or change or pun it, but bear in mind I shall be judgeing enteries around Hallowe'en!

[Pendragon]

Days retain ruts
Staff explained cuts
No ifs, ands, or buts
May contain nuts

Stay abstain, adjust
Pray, feign trust
Survey proclaims you a klutz
May contain nuts

Today gain guts
Dismay? Constrain fuss
Essay written on a bus
May contain nuts

Obey brain thus
Stray, you vain cuss
Make way for the rest of us
But we may contain nuts!

Pendragon
(C)10/16/2012

[YesNo]

Nutty Halloween Guests

As leaves lose green before the fall
And days lose sun to bring a chill,
The ghosts that haunt McKendrick Hall
May flip the lights or screech until
We, owners, know they're back again,
Those spooks who cook rare feasts for men.

Each time they serve up a delight
From stuff they've killed the previous year.
The meat's from beasts who screamed with fright,
Slow tortured while sautéed in fear.
They're nutty like the nuts they use
To flesh out slime-green, yummy stews.

We eat and drink and fight for fun.
McKendrick Hall will shock the town
With flame and noise until we're done.
Our neighbors hope we burn it down.
I know they wish we'd go away
While I keep wond'ring why they stay.

[cacian]

may contain some nuts
use with caution
don't
fill yourself
with blunt
take each something
with plump
it's easier to stump
which gets the nuts
right out

[MarkBastable]

May Contain Twenty-One Nuts

“Cashew!”

Hazel Filbert has an allergy to nuts.
“Bless you!” says her husband, Cobb.

He’s thinking of a beach in Brazil.
She was drinking cola.
Her almond eyes met his and
Her chest jiggled when she sneezed.

When she returned to Macadamia,
He pined.
He pursued her on the wings of love.
And said, “I wanted you from the moment I soya.
Will you marry me?”

She declined. “I walnut.
You just a want a shag,” barked Hazel.

“It’s true,” Cobb said. “You give me
The horn. Be mine!”

“I should coco.
You will monkey with my affections.”

Cobb pleaded until he was hoarse,
And Hazel was ground down.

Love conkers all.

[prendrelemick]

Anybody else? Three days to go.

Ok then

Cacain - you may be a genius beyond my ken.

Yes No - Stuck to the Halloween thing, good narratative.

Pendragon - That's the kind of thing I would do. You worked hard to contrive so many rhymes.

Mark - and they had a child called Meg, I'm a sucker for that kind of thing.


The Winner is ................................. Yes No

[YesNo]

Thanks, prendrelemick!

The next line for the comedy/satire/pun contest is


Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet.

There is even a Wikipedia article on this nursery rhyme: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Miss_Muffet

Anything related to the rhyme would work.

Deadline: Sunday, November 18th, less than three weeks from now.

[Calidore]

They found Little Miss Muffet far from her tuffet
Eaten by birds of prey
When questioned, the spider admitted he'd shied her
A stomp, and justice won the day

[Pendragon]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Inarticulate with rage so they say
Seems the contract had a rider
Her home was repossessed by the spider
Now she just dreams of eating curds and whey

[cacian]

little miss muffet who sat with her tuffet
facing seconds that it could fall
and crawl all over the floor
of her little puppet
decided not to store
anymore of he frequent falls
and so walked off tall from
her dearest tuffet and took on
her puppet to be her beloved
entertainment of all

[prendrelemick]

Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet...

Hey! that's Ms Muffet to you and not so much of the Little and whadya mean tuffet are you referring to my *** curds and whey with my lactose intolerance you're kidding right I aint scared of you and I aint scared of no spider!

Oh! it's quite big isn't it

[cacian]

YesNo is it time for the judges to deliberate?

[YesNo]

Thanks for the reminder, cacian! I should put stuff like this in my calendar.

Calidore: A tasty ending for Miss Muffet from the birds of prey point of view.

Pendragon: A nice way to get the housing crisis involved. I can see how she might want to step on the spider.

cacian: It seems like that spider was responsible for increased bonding between Miss Muffet an her puppet.

prendrelemick: It looks like Ms Muffet is not one to tangle with. In the back of my mind I associate tuffet with *** like Ms Muffet does, but I'm not sure what a tuffet is exactly. I liked the way you reformatted this without line breaks.

Thanks, all of you, for the entries. They all deserved to win. I enjoyed reading them all.

The winner is


prendrelemick

Congratulations, prendrelemick!

[cacian]

Thank YesNo and congratulations prendrelemick!!

[prendrelemick]

Thankyou yesno and cacian

The next phrase is -

Just add water.

[YesNo]

Matilda Grew Suspicious While Reading the Instructions on a Box of Witch's Brew Mix at the Grocery Store

"Just add water? Who's heard of such stuff?"
Thought Matilda all ready to boil.
"No frog legs? No green slime?
And no cackling sublime?
Where's the fun if they take out the toil?"

[Pendragon]

Kitchen Modernization

Used to cut up the veggies, chop up the meat
Stir in the sauces to get something to eat
Roll out the dough to make biscuits from scratch
Light the cook fire with an old wooden match
Collect eggs every morning, pick berries each spring
Hunting deer in the forest had a beautiful ring
They claim that advances in science have made use cook smarter:
Want pancakes for breakfast? Just add water!
Soup for lunch, boy, just add water!
Dinner is freeze dried, so just add water!!
All that work raising food and cooking meals is a bother!
Wake up, smell the coffee! Just add water!

Pendragon
(C) 11/21/2012

[cacian]

inside the cup
a faience of kind
the tea bag is flumped
sitting in prompt
awaiting to be drunk
and so just add water
and see the cup
take saucer
to the guzzler of clover
peppermint and rasb

[prendrelemick]

Anybody else?

The winner is YesNo for her disappointed Witch.

[YesNo]

Thanks, prendrelemick!

Since the new year is approaching, here is the next line:


Should old acquaintance be forgot?

Deadline: Monday, December 31st

[cacian]

should old acquaintance be forgot
lest you be aware of odds
the loose
the less
the tattered worse?
should you turn a back
on thus
leaving marks of shattered lust
Knowing what could make it plush
without it you are never trust.

[Pendragon]

Should Old Man Candace be a sot
And ever drink the wine
Should Old Ma Candace take a shot
And blister his behind!

Pendragon

[Pendragon]

Way overdue for judging...

[cacian]

Way overdue for judging...

Very true. Will PM YesNo.

[YesNo]

Sorry for being so late on this and thanks for the contributions, cacian and Pendragon. They were both very nice.

The winner is cacian!

Congratulations!

[cacian]

Thank you YesNo and the next line is:

all is well that ends well

good luck and happy participation!!:)

[cacian]

Just to remind all this open for contest.

[Calidore]

Just to remind all this open for contest.

Awaiting inspiration.... Hope it comes.

[YesNo]

If you make it to heaven, do tell
How you missed that false step into hell
That those others slipped on.
You look back and they're gone.
All is well. No, it's not.
They deserved what they got.
Don't look back! You could fall!
You don't care? Not at all?
Must they all come along
Even those who've done wrong?
So, that's why they all rose when you fell.

[Pendragon]

When you dump out the garbage tonight my dear
Please be careful not to spill any on the sidewalk
It reeks to high heaven
It draws flies and vermin
It detracts from the beauty of our property
It pisses the neighbors off
All's hell when the trash smells...

Pendragon

[cacian]

maybe a couple more what say you? anyone? :p

[Dark Muse]

A Dispute

My dear
did you not hear
what they say?

It has been told
that all is well that ends well
so what do you say?

Come now and give me a kiss,
now don't purse your lips
just in that way.

You see if you just play nice,
we can still make it right,
there is no reason to put up a fight.

My fate rests within your hands,
now, now, don't try and accuse,
I only want to amuse.

If you would only consent
to but this all behind,
how well the night could end
and someday you know,
we will just laugh this all away.

Not even a smile?
but you really insist
and still resist.

Well I must contend
that for me this is turning
out to indeed be
a very unfortunate end.

[cacian]

OK this was a very difficult choice to make. Thank you all for your entries.
The winner for this round is YesNo. I enjoyed the flow and the words. I liked the contrast of heaven and hell. It made smile haha.

[YesNo]

Thanks, cacian!

The next prompt for the comedy-satire-pun contest is


My love is like a red red rose

I set my calender for February 14th, Valentine's Day, as a deadline. Here is the full poem by Robert Burns: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Red,_Red_Rose

[Pendragon]

My love is like a red red rose
And it glows softly like Rudolph's nose
My eyes glisten with expectant desire
My need for you burns like hellfire
Your scent is strong it fills the air
I'm looking now, I know you're near
Golden Arches! Love's climax!
Coke and fries with two Big Macs!

Pendragon

[YesNo]

Only a week until Valentine's day! That is also the day this contest ends.

[YesNo]

The winner is Pendragon!

I liked the part about one's need burning like hellfire.

[cacian]

congratulations Pendragon!!

[Pendragon]

Thank you, thank you very much!

OK this line is next, from a song by Bing Crosby:

"When the blue of the night meets the gold of the day"

Good Luck. March 7 is the deadline.

[YesNo]

When the dew of the night
Meets the cold of the day,
When what's new brings delight
Till its sold on the way,
When the crew says they might
Then they fold, let us pray
That the blue will not fight
With the gold when they play.

[Melanie]

This deadline is March 7th? Is it over or has it been extended?
I'll give it a go if it's still active.

[Calidore]

No judgment yet, so go for it. Wouldn't be much of a contest with just the one entry anyway.

[cacian]

When the blue of the night
meets the gold of the day"
the skies go hype
wondering if it slight
redders or brights
but then sun comes out
and the tan blows right
and everywhere is light
in a colour of height
shimmering white

[Melanie]

When the blue of the night
meets the gold of the day
it's Claude Debussy's Reverie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRjllL-MP0U&feature=endscreen&NR=1

But when the shrew of the night
tweets the troll of the day
it's Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cutxFpjKNCs

Please note: Click on "Skip Ad"
2nd stanza...5 minute youtube but at least watch between 1:30-3:51
Awesome Orchestra in Hong Kong and is the most amazing fireworks display.
Be sure to turn up your volume.

[Pendragon]

And we have a winner! MELANIE!

[cacian]

Melanie well done congratulations!!

[Melanie]

Oh thank you! You're very kind. I had to check the first post to see what I'm suppose to do next...i'm that green at this.
I had a little fun with this poem (oh dear, i typed "porn" instead of poem by mistake...eek...glad i caught it)
Okay, let me find a line to post and I'll be back

[Melanie]

Thank you again.

You may incorporate into your poem, one or more of these sentences.
It's my signature at the bottom of all my posts:

"Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

[YesNo]

Swimming, swimming in the sea
With the sharks surrounding me
Waiting for them to attack
Turning me into a snack.

[Pendragon]

Live in the sunshine, but fear the eclipse
Swim in the sea, but try to avoid the ships
Drink the wild air, it's like Aquae vitae
Write your lines in poetry when there's nothing left to say

Sunshine soon gives way to dark clouds and rain
It really hard to swim when you go against the grain
Wild air invigorates you but only for a time
Poetry is eternal, so say everything in rhyme

In darkness now I await the return of sunshine
Diving in again to swim, the water feels divine
Face lifted to the clouds I inhale the Wild Air
But there's nothing like poetry when my muse is here

Pendragon
(C) 3/25/2013

[Melanie]

The deadline is April 17 for this Comedy/Satire/Pun Poem Contest.
Remember that the line for you to use or bounce off of is the same as my signature line: "Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air."
Use all are part of the quote. Make it funny or punny or a satire or all three. Just have fun!

[Melanie]

Congratulations Pendragon!!..."hard to swim when you go against the grain"...isn't that the truth.
And I love to learn something...had to look up "aqua vitae". Turns out it was a perfect pun for "drinking in the wild air". How did you know that? :smilewinkgrin:

[Pendragon]

Thank you Melanie! And yes, I did know about the "aqua vitae" pun!

Let's see here:Try this line, satire, pun, or just plain funny: "It was the best of times, It was the worst of times"

[Melanie]

(pun but not comedy/satire)

it was the best of mankind.
heroes
police
medics
volunteers
passersby
givers
it was the worst of crimes.
Boston
Marathon
bombings

[YesNo]

It was the best of times for Mindcliff where
The monsters cornered those who'd care,
So no one did. Let's party on
Before the best of times are gone
Before we sober up to face
The worst of times. They will replace
The best those monsters could provide.
Now even monsters want to hide.
Investigators tried to call,
But it's too late. They've blown it all.
At Mindcliff it is time to cry.
The story poisons like a lie,
But gives out deep, dark dreams in bed.
Tomorrow, true, they'll all are dead.

[Pendragon]

Anyone else, or should I decide between these two? Help me out here, guys and gals! :idea::idea:

[cacian]

it was the best of times
it was the worst of time
but all along
the ways
the days
the morning
hase
the evenings were at bays
to wave to time to laze
over a moment
wait
for you and I to
bathe over a thought of
us walking through life untouched

it was the best of times
it was the worst of times
but not a minute
went
without a smile
a date
and
not an instant haste
spend lately or at waste
to slow us down and faith

[Pendragon]

OK

Yesno: The final two lines are classic!
Cican: My favorite lines:

for you and I to
bathe over a thought of
us walking through life untouched

Melanie: It was the best of times...It was the worst of crimes
Excellent!

The winner: Take a bow, Melanie! You're up!

[Melanie]

Oh wow, I didn't notice this until now. Thank you!
I'll get back to you post-haste...I apologize for the
delay....

[Melanie]

Your next line is: *If you can dream it, you can make it so*

Last day for entries is in 3 weeks on June 5th
Winner announced will be on June 6th. Have fun!

[cafolini]

Fortune cookie says:
Could always be worse
Could always be better
If you don't believe it
Approach it with tact
Slice your salami
Or plug the deep crack

[Pendragon]

Get yourself some glad rags and dress like a star
Be a snob in fine dining, your arrogance goes far
Look down your nose at those you imitate
Be pretentious and always act like you're great
Sometimes play acting helps your career really flow
If you can seem it, you might make more dough!

[YesNo]

I dreamed upon a twinkling star
Who laughed and seemed to say,
"You'll never dream enough, my dear,
To change your fate today."

I dreamed upon the fairy dust
That makes me sneeze at night.
It said I was too dumb to dream.
"You'll never see the light."

But I still dreamed. To hell with them
Who think they're in the know.
I dreamed and dreamed and dreamed and dreamed.
Who cares if it is so?

[prendrelemick]

I dreamt I was Jean-luke,
Engaging and making it so,
Seeking out - you know the rest,
Enterprising dreams are best.

[Melanie]

prendrelemick...the "Enterprising" pun was delightfully clever and "dreamed I was Jean-Luc" made me laugh. "Making it so" was also well on-topic and an overall enjoyable poem to read.

pendragon...your last line was the perfect punchline...funny, albeit poignant (while lighthearted), reality check on superficial goals of networking and flattery.

cafolini...very clever "Fortune Cookie" approach. I'm still pondering the last two lines...fun to read

...and the winner is:

Congrats YesNo!!!...a well organized poem with a bookended-opening of "dreamed" from the first part of the famous quote and a bookended-close of "it is so" from the last part of the quote, and with an unexpected twist: "who cares if it is so". The sting is in the tail. Well done.

[YesNo]

Thanks, Melanie!

The next line is


Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream

Deadline: June 29th.

[Pendragon]

Roll. roll, roll your joint make it nice and neat
Puff, puff, puff, puff, life's a stoner's dream!
Roll. roll. roll another joint puff on it gently
Put a Cheech and Chong movie on, life's a stoner's dream!

[prendrelemick]

Row row row your boat gently down the stream,
Avoid the rapids, mind the rocks,
Life is not a dream.

[Melanie]

("row row row, your boat gently down the stream")

"Go Go Go, you GOAT!" You're messy and you're mean
Warily warily warily, "Go!"
Lest I intervene.

"No No No, you DON'T!" You grazed my garden greens
Verily verily verily I say
Your manners are obscene.

[Dark Muse]

Row row row my boat glumly down the Styx
reap, reap, reaping souls all day long,
drearily, drearily, drearily
death is all a dream.

[cacian]

row row row your boat gently down the stream
don't forget to push your dreams
slightly up the realm
readily readily readily
and don't forget to sleep

[cacian]

I think this one is up for completion YesNo :)

[YesNo]

You're right, cacian. I'll have the results tonight. Thanks for the reminder!

[YesNo]

Here are the results. Thanks for all the entries!

Pendragon: Nice use of "roll".

prendelemick: Good advice to those who think the rapids and rocks are not real.

Melanie: Nice one chasing the goat out of the garden.

Dark Muse: That was delightfully dark.

cacian: I guess one has to sleep, at least metaphorically, in order to dream. Nice link between sleeping and dreaming.

They were all enjoyable.

The winner: Pendragon

[Dark Muse]

Congrats Pen, yours was my favorite.

[Pendragon]

Thank you. When I grew up in the '70's weed was the big thing. We did a different version of this song. but I couldn't pass up the line abut Cheech and Chong. The movie was, of course, Up in Smoke!

Let us see now: The next line is:

"She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes."

Due date: July 20

Good luck!

[YesNo]

BEARS:
Oh, the market will be tanking. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!
Oh, the market will be tanking. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!
We bought puts and now we're waiting.
May there be no hesitating.
Oh, the market will be tanking. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!

BULLS:
Oh, the market will be popping. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!
Oh, the market will be popping. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!
We're invested, have no cash now,
So the market best not crash now.
Oh, the market will be popping. Yes, it will. Yes! It will!

BOTH:
We will all be getting richer. Yes, we will. Yes! We will!
They will all be getting poorer. Yes, they will. Yes! They will!
We will be the ones a-gloating.
Because only we'll be floating.
We will all be getting richer. Yes, we will. Yes! We will!

[Melanie]

Below is a take on "She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes.
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes"

Neptune's riding 'round the fountain in a shell
pulled by two rebellious horses, can't you tell
oh, the Tritons come to guide them
but the steeds just want to swim in
the Fontana di Trevi, when in Rome.

http://i1312.photobucket.com/albums/t540/melaniespoetry/40b28e41-e270-4671-ae9e-ba94ef483b0c_zps0d7cf6cc.jpg (http://s1312.photobucket.com/user/melaniespoetry/media/40b28e41-e270-4671-ae9e-ba94ef483b0c_zps0d7cf6cc.jpg.html)

[prendrelemick]

The Real Reason Luke Skywalker Left The Swamp Planet Dagobah Before Completing His Jedi Training

Round the mountain she'll be coming when she comes. Master Luke.
I've told ya, Yoda, you're singing split infinitives again.
Disappointing, Master Luke, is your rebuke.
Well, you're such a pain, you're driving me insane.

Driving, she'll be , when she comes , six white horses.
Oh God!

[Pendragon]

Due date being past, it is time for choosing a winner

Yesno: Great use of the line to build a pun poem. I like it.
Melanie: I could just see that poem visually. Good job.
prendlemick: The whimsy of this little jewel is captivating!

One winner only:

(Drumroll) Congratulations---

prendlemick. The unusual is definitely what I look for in a comedy/pun/satire poem!

[Melanie]

Congratulations prendrelemick!

[prendrelemick]

Thankyou.


From the world of advertising comes the phrase. Work, rest and play.

[Melanie]

deleted.

posted a new one below

[YesNo]

I work and do my very best.
I play, get tired, and want to rest.
I rest, get bored: "No work today?"
"Just rest. Consume your life away,
Support those working while you may."

[prendrelemick]

About as popular as a rattlesnake in a bran tub, this!

[cacian]

work rest and play
under the stars and stay
you never know what may
dynasties do say faith
is lusive as a date
others do stake bate
to see if life is mate
but then it is all a rate
it's either paid or waved

[Pendragon]

The wife says "Lazy Bum! Go to work!"
I complain I need my rest
"You came in this morning, half-past four
Smelling like a brewery, old man!"

Age mellows men, now I tell my son
"Lazy Bum! Go to work!"
He mumbles and grumbles, up last night til four
He has World of Warcraft to play.

Never seems that we work when we should
Take sweet rest when we can, play every chance we get
Playing tires us so much that we nap here at work
But the Boss is resting also, so it matters not!

[Melanie]

About as popular as a rattlesnake in a bran tub, this!^ prendrelemick,:D


Work, Rest, and Play

Mock, Pest, and Prey
bullies work night and day
the pests infest
and never rest
till Judgement Day repays

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Great stuff, I have one in the works Mick, so hold on.

[prendrelemick]

Oo just in the nick of time, I was about to pronounce.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Jack and Abbey - Three Years Hence

Listen while you read… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqw8yhHq_78

Three years since Jack’s nature never betrayed,
(if you’re bewildered see famous quoted line thread)
they moved to Milagro and handsomely paid
a sly old bean farmer for his crops and a shed.

Abbey’s charm had eroded by daily grinding
from snot nosed rug rats perpetually soiled.
Their lungs split the air, peeling the binding
off Keats and Goldsmith, even Hugo had toiled.

The Milagro Beanfield War* had taken its toll.
Irrigation rights contended left Jack only trickles,
he relies on spit and rinse from the washbowl
(*a novel by the way, courtesy John Nichols)

Weary from their labors over toddlers and beans
Abbey and Jack felt like refried garbanzo.
“In Sangre de Christo we’ll find rest in evergreens,
Grandma take the kids, we’re off to Chimayo!”

All work and no play made Jack a dull boy
but all that changed in a Chimayo motel.
He spread out some plastic, greased it with soy,
poured out slick limas and cheese from Ro-tel.

Shedding bloomers and breeches for a slimy soiree
At last, Abbey and Jack found some time to play.

----

Ro-Tel
http://www.ro-tel.com/recipes-RoTel-Famous-Queso-Dip-2693.html

Chimayo New Mexico
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimayo,_New_Mexico

[prendrelemick]

Special mention to GG, for a total sensory experience there. The second verse is brilliant.


However the one that made me laugh the most was Cacian with that wonderful line- dynasties do say faith
is lusive as a date! - it is indeed.


Congratulations Cacian.

[Pendragon]

Congrats, Cacian!

[cacian]

prendrelemick and Pendragon thank you very much :)

the next line is:

“if music be the food of love, play on,
give me excess of it''

good luck everyone hope to see many entries :wave:


due date: 30 of august!!

[Pendragon]

If music be the food of love
Starvation hovers thin and proud
Plate on, give me a mess of it
It tickles not the palate
Nor satisfies the crippling hunger

If music be the tune of love
Why do I hear only discord?
Play on, give me the finesse of it
It is a song sung by tone-deaf singers
Totally out of rhythm and two octaves off key

If music be the Muse of Love
She is a heartless, stone cold witch
Hate on, leave me to guess at it
Shall I bring wine and roses?
Shall I just kill myself?

If music be the ruse of love
Catch a fool now in his folly
Straight on, you'll obsess on it
No fool greater than an old fool
Hold your tongue fool, be wise...

Pendragon
(C) 8/16/2013

[YesNo]

If music be the food of love,
Excess means there'll be more of it.
Two hearts will write the score for it
And not consume each other when
The music has to pause a bit
To get some air. They're waiting there
Filled to excess, without a care,
To resonates above somewhere.

[prendrelemick]

If Music is the Food


Madrigals sung in June,
Are strawberries and cream,
Jazz is just a piece of cake,
And punk's a plate of beans,
Classical’s a slice of toast,
Vivaldi is the jam,
Rock and Roll's a hamburger,
And Country is glazed ham.
But love has its own melodies
Of passion and romances,
It feeds on touch and smiles and hope,
And surreptitious glances.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

the next line is:

“if music be the food of love, play on,
give me excess of it''
...

Cafeteria of Love

If music be the food of love, play on,
give me excess of it',
show me diets buffet, for my gut it doth growl!
Let us begin the tour of fads de jour…
South Beach bored me like Mel Torme
The Atkins sounds bland; The Little River Band
Jenny Craig is too soft; do I hear Seals and Croft?
Vegan made me limp, a rusty Lettuce wimp
Ahh, here comes Paleo, now I’m a gigolo,
throwing down red meat to a grass fed beat.
Carnivorous desire my love burns like a pyre.

Our passions fueled on Swedish meatballs
and pan seared music of Neanderthals…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgHM98rfE28

[Melanie]

Smoochee Music

If music be the food of love
For an unchained melody*
Where time goes by so slowly
As I hunger for your touch
Then play on, play on, in excess
Filling emptiness with love
Replacing loss and loneliness
For love will keep us alive*.

If music be the food of love
On sleepless nights by candlelight
Silence of darkness all around
Amid the falling snow*
Then play on, play on, in excess
Play fever* to heat up the night
Fever with kisses that sizzle
What a lovely way to burn.

*Unchained Melody: The Righteous Brothers - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzunoD3VHdk
*Love Will Keep Us Alive: The Eagles - http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2qoib_eagles-love-will-keep-us-alive_music
*Amid The Falling Snow: Enya - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wacyMhxIOd0
*Fever: Elvis - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmyhIwZG_-M
&Fever: Rose McGowan - http://www.last.fm/music/Rose+McGowan/_/Fever+(As+Paige+Matthews+From+Charmed)

[cacian]

OK here are the results everyone:
Pendragon: I enjoyed the questioned lines in this piece. it makes reading it very interesting and offers different prospective on this topic.
fave lines:
''If music be the tune of love
Why do I hear only discord?''
YesNo: your piece made laugh I liked the humour in it and the simplicity of its wording. it was almost comical clever :)
prendrelemick: I enjoyed this piece a lot. I liked the allegories on food and places. it was pretty cool. my fave lines are:
''But love has its own melodies
Of passion and romances,
It feeds on touch and smiles and hope,
And surreptitious glances''
Gilliatt: and what a journey your piece has offered. great pace and fun almost accumulating language. I liked it. and I agree Swedish meatballs and seared music makes for a magical combo haha :)
Melanie: a sweet and sour piece if I may say so. melodic but bordering on sadness. a well written piece. I enjoyed it.

but sadly there can only be ONE winner and that goes to prendrelemick, I simply could not resist the richness of your piece :D

[prendrelemick]

Thank you very much Cacian. I wasn't expecting that.


As this is the comedy/pun thread here is a catch phrase of a famous (now dead) British comedian.


Shut that door.




(It's funny honestly - you had to be there. )

[Melanie]

(That was a clever and enjoyable poem, prendrelemick!)

Knock Knock

unlatch
open
close
door swings
hinges creak

in
slam
out
slam
shoes that squeak

cat
in
dog
out
thud, thump, thwack

let's
settle
this
score
shut that door!

[YesNo]

Silence, sleeping, secrets keeping,
Noise goes through the floor.
Bedsprings bounce and kids announce,
"At least they shut the door."

[Pendragon]

My mama yelled so many times
"Hey! Y'all shut that door!"
She always had laryngitis...

[cacian]

shut that door
will you
and store behind
the minutes of your core
you made a sore
about afore
it now it seems
you have no more
be done with roar
and close that door
once and for ore.

[prendrelemick]

I think it's time


The winner is MELANIE, for that slice of real life.

[cacian]

Melanie congratulations!!

[Melanie]

Thank you!! I had fun with it. I'll post a quote for everyone tomorrow.

[Melanie]

Okay, there are many variations of this but I think Aristotle was the first.
one says "without a mixture of madness",
another says "without some touch of madness",
and another says "without a tincture of madness"

Use as is or change out words or turn it inside-out upside-down or whatever suits your fancy.
Here it is:

"There is no great genius without madness"

[Pendragon]

Maybe there is
No great genius without madness
But also there is
No great meanness without badness
And surely there is
No great Venus without gladness
And there is
No great Jesus without sadness

Pendragon

[Melanie]

^Good one, Pendragon :)
I forgot to set the deadline so here it is below:


Okay, there are many variations of this quote but I think Aristotle was the first.
One says "without a mixture of madness",
another says "without some touch of madness",
and another says "without a tincture of madness"

Use as is or change out words or turn it inside-out upside-down or whatever suits your fancy.
Here it is:

"There is no great genius without madness"

Deadline is October 16

[cacian]

may be they say
great genuis is without madness.
but I say
great thinker without
words
may take longer to
play first.
and so to a genius
plenty to
raise madness out
of place.
beware
it is quicker then air.

[prendrelemick]

You can't have pleasure without pain,
Where there's muck there's money they say,
You can't have rainbows without rain,
And night's just the dark side of day.

There's no great genius without madness,
you must break an egg to make cake,
You don't know you're happy without sadness,
And fondling a cow makes a shake.

[slipee]

/SNIP/

*Deleted*

Sorry, I should have noticed there is a competition going on!

Please remove the post :)

[YesNo]

A genius sees differently
And doesn't mind to say so.
And that's when all the trouble starts.
He runs his mouth. She shoots hers, too.
The neighbors don't know what to do,
"They're mad! They're not like me or you,
At least, I wouldn't say so."

[Melanie]

Prendrelemick's last line was crazy-mad enough to make me laugh. I mean, really, who was the first great genius who was mad enough to look at a cow and say "I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em?" (spoken by Bill Waterson). Pendragon, clever twists of the quote were great, and YesNo, I thought your title was perfect and follow-through too, and cacian, yours was excellent too. But the winner has to be:

OoooOOooOopReNdreLeMik!oOooOOoooO

[cacian]

Melanit thanks! and prendrelemick your piece is indeed a genius one haha :)

[prendrelemick]

Thanks Melanie and cacian.

The next is an opening line from a childhood favourite of mine, from the great Hilaire Belloc .


Matilda told such Dreadful Lies.

[Pendragon]

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies
Blue the grass and green the skies
Cats that bark and dogs that purr
Scaly deer and lizards with fur
The Sun in the night, the Moon in the day
Real milk making up the Milky Way
I wonder about facts that she offers as truth
Matilda would rather lie than to tell the real truth

Pendragon
11/24/2013

[Calidore]

We cannot stop to close our eyes
We'll work until the project's done
The till does hold much Red Bull, guys
Drink up and soon we'll see the sun

[AuntShecky]

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies
that she woke us from our snooze.
She hasn’t said a truthful thing
since working for Fox News.

[YesNo]

Matilda told such dreadful lies
We felt they must be true.
The evidence though did not fit.
Her logic: we made fun of it.
What else were we to do?

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

A Down Under Tale

Weary from his waltz, the swagman sat a spell,
by the trusty billabong his feet knew so well.
Famished from his trek, he put matilda down;
a ruddy tucker bag, sewn from his old bag’s gown.

Reaching in to grab a morsel, something was amiss.
The savory shape he groped for resulted in a hiss.
That venomous wife Matilda told such dreadful lies.
Inside she put an Adder, instead of boiled Billie pies!

Waltzing Matilda
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwvazMc5EfE

[cacian]

deadline date?

[prendrelemick]

This weekend I think.



(Ok I'd forgotten about it)

[prendrelemick]

Come on cacian I'm waiting:toetap05:

[cacian]

Come on cacian I'm waiting:toetap05:

oops sorry I have just seen this haha ok let's see :)

here we go:

matilda told such dreadful lies
it was one minute sly
and the next polite
and every word was tried
under the moonlight and height
the meaning was blight
and the world thought it
was bright.
but not anymore
so sigh
truth to idle
is grite
but to light it's white
next time will sets right.

[prendrelemick]

Thanks cacian, that's grite!

And so to judgement


Pen - The best poem, but not the funniest.
cacian - The funniest poem but not the best.
YesNo - I like the way you think.
Caladore - My sympathies.
Auntyshecky - To whom are you alluding? Probably would've had extra comical value if I knew. Probably would've won.
Gilliat gurgle - I know who your Matilda is - clever and funny, and THE WINNER!! You should be happier than a Swagman sitting by a Bilabong under a Coolibar Tree with a Jumbuck simmering in his Billie.

[Pendragon]

Well, I guess best poem counts for something, anyway... Congrats, Gilliat Gurgle !

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

...You should be happier than a Swagman sitting by a Bilabong under a Coolibar Tree with a Jumbuck simmering in his Billie.
or content as a Koala in a eucalyptus.

Thanks and thanks Pen!

I recently picked up a book of Tennyson's poems and made my first venture into it today starting with The Princess. After just a few pages, I'm finding a wealth of quotable lines for our next challenge.
Let's go with this one referring to the Prince and his two friends preparing to infiltrate the women only University:

"To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes"

[prendrelemick]

I think GG has played the tease,
You can't make poems from words like these-
“To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes.”
Cos the only things that rhymes is prunes!
If only he'd change it to “maiden feathers.”
Then we could have "Heather's nethers”.
Or tethers with leathers
Or whatevers.

[AuntShecky]

I think GG has played the tease,
You can't make poems with words like these-
“To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes.”
Cos the only things that rhymes is prunes!
If only he'd change it to “maiden feathers.”
Then we could have "Heather's nethers”.
Or tethers with leathers
Or whatevers.

Holy Alfred Lord Tennyson! Who could follow that? Nonetheless, here goes


Their plan’s for disrobing
before we’ve barely supped.
So who is kidding whom
by lacing us all up?

Maidenheads for burning;
virtue lost in the flumes.
Sad that some poor ostrich
sacrificed his plumes.

[Pendragon]

We'll All Go to the Ball

We will wear our finest dresses
Carefully coiffure our lovely tresses
Have our servants in our rooms
To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes
We make our selected, scheduled entrance
Batting eyelids, preening, we advance
To fill each gentleman's heart with lustful joys:
At least until they find out that we're all boys

(C) November 22, 2013
Pendragon

[AuntShecky]

We'll All Go to the Ball

We will wear our finest dresses
Carefully coiffure our lovely tresses
Have our servants in our rooms
To lace us up, till, each, in maiden plumes
We make our selected, scheduled entrance
Batting eyelids, preening, we advance
To fill each gentleman's heart with lustful joys:
At least until they find out that we're all boys

(C) November 22, 2013
Pendragon

These just keep getting better and better. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!

[prendrelemick]

These just keep getting better and better. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!9



Yup, the standard is higher than a '69 Frisco hippy

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

?.. Yours fooly is not worthy to be among such talented company!


9

Nonsense!, your work is quite...umm...how do the Deutsche put it? , ah yes... 6'y!

[YesNo]

That university or nunnery
Where only women were allowed inside
Was where dear Ida hid herself from men.
My friends and I, we wanted in, and so
We laced ourselves till each in maiden plumes
Looked more like peacocks than a peahen would.
In fashions that were so last-year, we met
The guard who opened up the cloister's gate
Informing Ida, after we were in,
That men deserving of her fun tonight
Had just arrived whom no one needs to pay.
Then Ida smiled, prepared the blindfolds, ropes,
And welcomed us like sisters coming home.
She had a special treat for us in mind
And we had one for her, we thought, until
Sweet Ida lost control. We screamed for help,
But spent that night with Ida terrified
Until her wearied demon went to sleep.
One of the ladies living with her there
Untied us when the sun rose through the trees
As we gave up all hope of such release,
While Ida was kept busy with her prayers.

[cacian]

to lace us up till each
in maiden plumes,
could be anything but
groom
a bonnet combed
a corset to bewitch the tunes
the makeup slightly gloomed
to match up the room
and midnight is lit up in fumes.
a gentleman soon finds out
it is a goon
underneath those lunes,
and a lady
awaits till daylight resumes
to fetch up her roon.
plumes inebriate the coon
to them birds prune.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Bump.
I forgot to add a deadline.
One more week with results next Saturday.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Prendrelemick
an excellent application of the two word descending arpeggio meter in the last four lines 8 6 4 2. I just now created that meter, making your use of it even more impressive. ( who knows, maybe there is some such animal in the world of poetry)
Btw "legumes" and "shrooms" comes to mind.


Aunty - (is it OK if I address you in that way? )
Cabin fever is setting in here in north Texas due to the recent ice storm. As I watch the Juncos, Cardinals and Finches feed, my mind ...

drifts back to Puritan days
where a line was kept whole.
A house divided will not stand,
Let not a quote scatter to and fro.

Nonetheless, I enjoyed it.
Did you by chance mean to use "fumes" as it relates to burning, rather than "flumes"?
The imagery I conjure up includes burning virgins gliding down log flumes into sacrificial cenotes.

Pendragon
Hilarious and the best part was working "coiffure" into the piece. I've always had an itch to don a powdered coiffure.

Yes/No
Well crafted piece with nods to the quote source poem, although I've only just begun... "To live, white lace and promises..."
Good lord, sorry about that, I suddenly drifted off into a Carpenter's song.

Cacian,
Wow, what can I say? I know there's a deeper meaning, but I'll need time discovering it. I will say, you have shown prendrelemick that there is a wealth of rhymes for "plumes".
I'll hand it to you though, you've left me with the indelible image of an inebriated raccoon for the rest of the day.

Okay, it is neck and neck between pendragon and Yes / No.
I'm truly torn between the two, only a hair's width separates them and it is with his use of "coiffure" , that I pronounce Pendragon the winner.

Pendragon, you're up.

[Pendragon]

Wow, wasn't really expecting this: How about a Spoonerism for the line (look up the reference, it will pay!)

"Son, it's kisstomery to cuss the bride..."

[cacian]

Cacian,
Wow, what can I say? I know there's a deeper meaning, but I'll need time discovering it. I will say, you have shown prendrelemick that there is a wealth of rhymes for "plumes".
I'll hand it to you though, you've left me with the indelible image of an inebriated raccoon for the rest of the day.
haha thank you Gilliatt and I do want to say I am sorry about the word 'pear' in the third line it was a typo and not meant to be there at all. I have now removed it. :)

[YesNo]

It's kisstomery to cuss the bride.
Her mips will lerge with yours and hide
What nonce was you ow lost inside
You one are two and mystified.

[AuntShecky]

That's one chaunting dallange --I mean daunting challenge--Pen. Not only does it pay homage to Mr. Spooner, it also recalls the basic schtick of comedian Norm Crosby. I think you'd enjoy the classic piece, "Marred Bliss" which Mark O'Connell wrote for The New Yorker years ago. There's also a playlet based on "Marred Bliss", which may still be available on YouTube. In any event, here's my Cwoo Tents.


My Nancial Feltdown–-2008,
or My Spell-Check is Going Nuts

Straw Wheat brockstokers got a finned wall.
Banks said they weren’t too fig to bail.
The gift came with no stings attrached.
Cat fats gorged from the porky pail.

A one-sided pimpulous stackage,
highed-up pile never let ‘em down.
No such goodies went to Strain Meet,
Nothing dripped to Drickle Town.

Don Joe’s pension flushed down the tubes.
Hortgage molders sensed a bad vibe.
Time to toe press the creedy glass
and curse the way it kissed the bribe.

[Pendragon]

Aunt Shecky you are up! Sad that so few entered. :mad2::mad2: Congrats! :)

[AuntShecky]

Sad that so few entered.

I was thinking the same thing, Pen!-- especially since your topic was lots of fun.

Next challenge is to mine humor from one of the most boring topics in the world -- insurance. This is why TV ads for various insurance companies strive to be humorous; otherwise viewers would drop off into a collective coma. Lest we forget : one of the most hilarious movie scenes of all time is in Take the Money and Run(1969) Who could forget Virgil, the incarcerated bank robber, as he emerges from the torture box after being forced to spend several days alone with an insurance salesman?

So think up 4-16 lines of verse on the dismal topic of insurance--car insurance, life insurance, health insurance, any kind of insurance. Remember the lit rules about no partisan politics. The only other rule is to be funny.

Post your "premiums" by three weeks from today -- Jan. 24, 2014

[YesNo]

My wife says we're insured enough.
I wouldn't know. She easily
Could meditate on all that stuff.
That jargon reads like Joyce to me.

[prendrelemick]

Life Insurance

My Wife has a gleam in her eyes,
She's planning a little suprise,
I'm worth more dead than alive,
And I'm sensing the man with the scythe.

Last night she was under the car,
With a torch and a little hacksaw,
And the spider I found in the friut,
Turned out a poisonous brute.

Should Mushrooms be that red?
Why is that snake in my bed?
I'm becoming a little concerned
My ashes may soon be en-urned.


Alas! Had she taken more care
And noticed that loose bit of stair
If only she'd known - such a pity,
The policy was dual im-dem-nity,

[cacian]

I assure you
I am everything you want
from head to toe
I am what you woe
what you see is what you row, simple as no,
only there is a slight glitch
nothing too kitsch
I may change my mind
from time to time
it is only fair
since the weather is dare
to nothing but unpredictable
air
life that way cares
samy may rare