2011 Short Story Competition Final

[Scheherazade]

Please vote for the story you like best to determine the winner of Literature Network Short Story Competition 2011.

Discussion of the stories, to avoid influencing the outcome of the poll, are not allowed.

If contributers would like to ask questions, they should email us at [email protected].

Please note that the authors agree to keep their identities secret when they enter the competition.
Those who breach this rule will be disqualified automatically.


Good luck, everyone! :)


Competition Rules (http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=18200)
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Note: This poll will close on December 31st, 2011.
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[Scheherazade]

Forever Young


“Immortality.”

“Oh, come on. Play nice.”

“You said anything I wanted. That’s what I want. Immortality.”

The genie rubbed his eyes wearily. “I liked when you guys asked for piles of precious stones or a ten-inch penis.”

“I’m already rich and I’m okay in the other department too, thanks. Immortality’s what I’ve picked out of the catalog. Do your thing.”

“Well, if you insist.” The genie went through a preparatory pantomime of pushing his sleeves up to his elbows and wiggling his fingers. “Azbah-kalloo, imbar-d’kinga…”

“Wait, wait.”

“You’ve changed your mind?”

David stood up from his desk and turned to look out at the twinkling lights of New York City. In his hand he turned over a spoon from Starbuck’s Fifth Avenue. Early that morning he’d taken it from the counter intending to stir the tall-skinny he purchased every day on his way to work. It had looked a little dull – like it hadn’t been rinsed after washing – so he’d breathed on it and rubbed it with the narrow end of his necktie and – Shazam! – genie.

“Holy mother of freakin’ God,” David said, stumbling back against the display of muffins. He looked around at the other commuters but they didn’t appear in the least fazed by a twelve-foot high, bearded and turbanned Arab floating above the cap machine.

“They can’t see me,” the genie said. “Not unless you want them to.”

“I really don’t want them to,” David replied. “Can we take this to my office?”

That was twelve hours ago. It had taken the genie a long time to convince David that he wasn’t hallucinating.

“You’re some sort of psychotic hangover,” the mortal said. “I’ve been on a total bender recently, drinking all kinds of exotic crap. That’s what it is. You’re absinthe.”

“No, I’m here.”

It was the joke that clinched it. That and the terms of engagement.

“One wish? One? What happened to three? That’s the standard contract, surely?”

“Hearsay. It’s always been one. Three works better for stories – like, first’s an indulgence, second’s an error, third’s a redemption – but you can’t believe storytellers, bub. This is the real world. One’s all you get.”

David was a bonds trader by profession, and the constraint rang true to him. He opened a bottle of Bollinger, stopped all incoming calls and sat down to watch the sun descend into Central Park as he thought his options through.

It was nine in the evening when he asked for immortality.

“You want me to go ahead or not?” the genie asked, long fingers frozen in mid-wiggle.

David held up one hand. “Hold that thought. I just want to get a few things straight.” He loosened his silk tie and popped his platinum cufflinks, tossing them onto the cherrywood desk. “I’ve read the stories, and there’s always a catch. So let me be clear. When I say ‘immortality’ I mean that I live forever. But I don’t want to be floating in space when the world ends – so we’ll define ‘forever’. Until the end of the world.”

The genie nodded. “Understood.”

“No - wait. That’s a recipe for eternal loneliness – typical genie twist. Let’s make it - until mankind becomes extinct.”

“Gotcha.”

“And I don’t age, okay? I don’t want to be a million years old strapped into a spacemobile. I have to be twenty-eight, heart and lungs working just like they are now, good eyesight and perfect hearing. All my senses, actually, in peak condition.”

“It shall be so,” said the genie.

“Okay.” David considered for a moment. He checked the angles. Eventually he said, “Fine. Want to read that back to me?”

The genie counted it off on his fingers as David paced up and down in front of the window that overlooked the Park.

“You want to live until mankind becomes extinct. During that time your heart and lungs – all your organs, for the avoidance of doubt – must be in perfect working order. Your five senses will also operate in tiptop form. You will remain at your current age, which is twenty-eight years, five months and ten days.”

“Ah – but time flows as normal, although I stay the same age. No Groundhog Day crap, right?”

“You are most perspicacious.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re the man.”

David grinned. “I am. I’m the man. Where do I sign?”

“No signing, no paper, no records,” the genie said. “You may be confusing me with Beelzebub.”

And he snapped his fingers, and was gone.



* * * *


The following day, the comets came. No one knew how – they just appeared in the sky a few thousand miles away, apparently from nowhere. By the time they’d been seen it was too late to do anything about them.

Three of them – each a half a mile across – plummeted through the upper atmosphere and crashed into the Earth. The first plunged into the Pacific north of Easter Island, producing a towering tsunami that spread across the ocean, washing away the coastline of Australia, swallowing Japan, obliterating every living thing between Santiago and British Columbia.

The second hurtled into the Alps, causing an explosion that raised billowing, hellish clouds of gray dust that would shroud the planet for months.

And the third came down squarely in Philadelphia, PA, atomizing the city and sending out a shockwave that shattered glass as far away as Manhattan. In a building overlooking Central Park, a six-foot sliver spun out of the window frame and penetrated the chest of a man who had been pacing to and fro, considering all that might be done if you had eternity to play with. The force flung him backwards, and the point of the shard protruding from his back skewered him to the desk like a cocktail onion.

Blood pumped in gouts from the wound. In hot agony, the man watched the spurting scarlet, horrified, waiting for the faintness that would precede unconsciousness and death. But there was no such fading. The blood just kept coming, the healthy heart kept working, the lungs didn’t fill with fluid and fail but inflated and deflated with calm efficiency, regardless. The pain built to a crescendo and David screamed. And his scream seemed to fill the city, which was silent but for the far-off barking of dogs.


* * * *


Death, David realized at last, would not take him. Within hours his wound had healed, fresh pink skin neatly puckered around the glass that pinned him to the desk. When he shifted even slightly he could feel the jagged edge of the shard scraping against his spine, and the pain of it was sickening. Hunger ate at his stomach and thirst closed his throat, but he didn’t weaken. His heart, his lungs – all his innards – were in perfect working order.



* * * *


Four weeks. No one came – and he understood that no one would ever come. Mankind was giving up the ghost out there in the cold and frozen dark. David’s perfect hearing picked up no human sound – no wailing despair, no squabbling over scarce sustenance. The game was up for homo sapiens. Perhaps there were stragglers, obstinately attempting to scrape some kind of living in the sunless ruins – but he prayed to God that they wouldn’t make it.

The extinction of mankind was his only prospect of escape.


* * * *


In the third month of his crucifixion, he heard movement outside in the corridor.

“Help me!” he yelled. “Jesus Christ – please help me!”

Silence. And then a black snout appeared through the half-open door, sniffing.

The dog padded into the office, pus-yellow eyes bright, tongue black and slavering, ribs starkly visible through the scant fur on the scarred and scorched skin of the animal’s body. It circled the desk, head dropped, snuffling the dried blood on the carpet. Then with one easy push, it leapt up onto the desk, and straddled the man, studying him. Foul drool dropped onto David’s face as the dog breathed on him, assessed him.

And then, as if a decision had been made, the dog bared its teeth and ripped David’s throat out, which meant, at least, that he couldn’t scream.


* * * *


Every day the dog came to feed, and every night the man healed. Flesh torn from limbs grew back. Tattered vocal chords and shredded muscle reconstituted themselves. The gnawed-open stomach closed up, and the organs within budded and blossomed like mythical flowers ready to be harvested.

And healthy David - heart pumping, lungs inflating and deflating, innards all in perfect working order - wished death upon mankind. In delirious happy dreams he saw the dog – packs of dogs – hunting one last human being across the blasted, broken-toothed landscape of New York. Cornered in the Battery. And then, just before David could die too, he’d wake up – as his flawless hearing caught the clickety-click of claws in the corridor outside.

He struggled against the shard of plate glass that pinned him to the cherrywood desk, but it was healed into him, part of him, like a fingernail or a quirky tooth, and it scraped against his spine making him shriek.

The dog would leap up onto the desk, as if checking out a familiar menu in a favorite restaurant. Sometimes it would lick David’s face before stripping the flesh from it in ragged strips.


* * * *


“How long has it been?”

“Nearly three years,” said the genie.

“Three years? Is that all?”

The dog was due anytime. The dogs, in fact. There was a pack of them now.

“No time at all, really,” the genie said, as if he were talking about the probable wait at a bus stop.

“How many human beings are left out there?”

David was aware that he was insane – but he believed in the genie without question. The genie, after all, had been there even before, when he was completely and ordinarily in his right mind.

“In the whole world? A handful. Two or three dozen.”

“Are they going to survive?”

The genie shook his head. “No. Disease will get most of them, and predators will pick off the rest.”

“Thank God,” David said, sighing. “Soon?”

“I can’t tell you that,” the genie said. “And anyway, I hear the clickety-click of claws in the corridor. You have visitors.”

“Come back and speak to me, soon.”

“I’ll keep score for you.”



* * * *


“Seven,” said the genie next time he appeared.

“Did you know this would happen to me?”

The genie cocked his head, like a dog listening.

“Oh, wait. Six.”



* * * *


Rats had discovered him now. David had got used to them – but however much he tried, he couldn’t become accustomed to the pain. Most of David’s days were spent screaming.



* * * *


In rare moments of lucidity, David thought that the last six human beings must be tough bastards, because the genie hadn’t appeared for months.

And then he was there.

“One left,” the genie said.

“Oh, thank Christ.”

David wept for joy, or in frustration, or from pain – he couldn’t tell.

“Kill him,” he asked the genie. “I beg you.”

“You’ve had your wish.”

“Not as a wish – as a favor. Just as an act of humanity.”

“Humanity is all but snuffed out, David.”

“Finish the job.”

“I can’t.”

“You can! Please! He’s going to die anyway – just help him along. Release me. Kill him.”

“Conditions aren’t right.”

David howled, tears rolling down his face as he raised his head to see the genie, who was gliding backwards towards the window. “What does that mean?”

The genie shrugged. “As you once said, there’s always a catch.”

The clickety-click of claws could be heard in the corridor. The scrabbling of rats rustled within the walls.

Now the genie was floating outside the shattered window, fourteen floors up. He pointed a cocked finger at David, impaled on a shard of glass, pinned to the cherrywood desk, crucified.

“You’re the man,” the genie said. “You are the man.”

[Jack of Hearts]

This is going to be interesting.







J

[aliengirl]

All the entries are so well written that it's going to be a tough choice. I'll take some time to think.

[iamnobody]

These are all very nice. Good luck everyone!

[LadyLuck]

I think I'll be reading each of these another few times before I make my decision. Good job to all the authors.

[hillwalker]

It's easy to see why these are on the list of winning stories for the year - every writer should feel proud of his/her efforts reaching this far.

[Jack of Hearts]

Well it isn't going to be a give away, that's for sure. The horses are neck and neck.






J

[cafolini]

They are all very interesting. I'll take my time.

[Lokasenna]

This is going to be difficult - I'll need to think some more before I cast my vote. They are all excellent pieces.

[Sancho]

Sancho voted!

No more sweets, please. Lately I’ve been laying on fat faster than a pack of hungry hillbillies at a Krispy Kreme shop.

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae197/mollyandbruno/giddyup.jpg


Sancho is Spanish for Shemp.

[Pendragon]

I really hate to see that one story has no votes. Remember, these all WON their respective sections of the contest this year. Can it be that no one who voted for the story first time around still finds it worthy of a vote? Surely not...

[YesNo]

I really hate to see that one story has no votes. Remember, these all WON their respective sections of the contest this year. Can it be that no one who voted for the story first time around still finds it worthy of a vote? Surely not...
I think they're all good, so I'll vote for the one with no votes.

[Pensive]

Good entries!

[MystyrMystyry]

I can't decide. Might have to toss my five sided penny in the air.

[Maximilianus]

I'll read them and vote as soon as I finish my classes. They all seem to deserve a prize.

[Varenne Rodin]

They are all fantastic. The decision is clear to me, but I cannot pity any of them.

[Sancho]

We've got a real pressure-cooker going here...

[AuntShecky]

To be honest, there have been years in which I didn't vote, mainly because of the quality of the entries. This time around, however, every single one of these stories has considerable merit. I never thought I'd see a LitNet competition in which I wanted to vote for all of them! This time,
I'm happily surprised. Every writer who made it to these finals should be
proud.

So, now I'm going to do the difficult task. . .

[hillwalker]

What's just as interesting is spotting who voted for which story. Most of us who have white-water rafted through this literary backwater long enough know a good story when we read one, yet personal taste overrides all. And with such a varied and astute readership anyone whose story gets even a single vote must be doing something right. A shame there has to be only one winner.

H

[Jack of Hearts]

There can only be one.







J

[CarpeNixta]

All of them are very nice, good luck for all the participants

[Scheherazade]

I would like to remind that votes cast by members with fewer than 100 posts will be disregarded at the end of the competition.

Would be great if we can manage to get more than 50 votes this year.

[Sancho]

Si bueno,

So vote now and vote often. And get your posting numbers up. This year's competition truly has some gems.

[Bar22do]

I'm most impressed with all the stories I must say. It will take me another few days and an additional reading before I can even dream of voting, for how can I vote for only one, here. Gosh.

Kudos to you all,

Bar

[Haunted]

I hope this time around the votes won't be skewed by people voting for their own stories and look like they have more votes than others.... In fact that shouldn't be allowed.

[hillwalker]

I hope this time around the votes won't be skewed by people voting for their own stories and look like they have more votes than others.... In fact that shouldn't be allowed.

Agreed agreed agreed.

H

[Virgil]

The end of the year is always the best. I enjoyed reading them all. :)

[MarkBastable]

I would like to remind that votes cast by members with fewer than 100 posts will be disregarded at the end of the competition.




Is that 100 posts when they voted, or a 100 posts when voting closes?

[SilentMute]

I hope this time around the votes won't be skewed by people voting for their own stories and look like they have more votes than others.... In fact that shouldn't be allowed.

I used to share this sentiment...until I lost the fifth grade class presidency. It was between me and another girl. She won by one vote. Now, I didn't actually want to be class president, so I didn't really care. However, I appreciated the fact that if you really want to win something, you should probably vote for yourself. So if I ever run for President of the United States, you can be sure I'll remember this lesson from fifth grade, and vote for myself.

The only thing I would mind is if a person had several identities on LitNet, and they were using them to vote for their story. It is one thing to vote for yourself once, but that would be dishonest. Ditto, telling your friends that you've submitted a story--or writing a story about something you've told your friends so they could correctly guess it is your story, would be dishonest...and against the rules.

Of course, the problem is, I suppose, is that if your friends are familiar with your writing style, they can probably correctly guess even if you haven't said anything. I know zoolane's style, so I guessed correctly what stories were hers. She abided by the rules. I don't know how easy it is to change your style or if it is possible, since your writing is an extension of yourself.

However, I choose to believe in everyone's integrity here. :) These were all great stories. I voted for many of them in the past, and even if I didn't vote for them--I still thought they were good, but something appealed to my interests more.

[DieterM]

Great stories, all of them, and the choice has been hard. But one has to choose. Luckily, I didn't hand in one of my stories... would've been forced to vote for me ;-) And now, I'll have to wait for the outcome. I'm not a patient person so, please, can time hurry up a bit?

[cafolini]

I used to share this sentiment...until I lost the fifth grade class presidency. It was between me and another girl. She won by one vote. Now, I didn't actually want to be class president, so I didn't really care. However, I appreciated the fact that if you really want to win something, you should probably vote for yourself. So if I ever run for President of the United States, you can be sure I'll remember this lesson from fifth grade, and vote for myself.

The only thing I would mind is if a person had several identities on LitNet, and they were using them to vote for their story. It is one thing to vote for yourself once, but that would be dishonest. Ditto, telling your friends that you've submitted a story--or writing a story about something you've told your friends so they could correctly guess it is your story, would be dishonest...and against the rules.

Of course, the problem is, I suppose, is that if your friends are familiar with your writing style, they can probably correctly guess even if you haven't said anything. I know zoolane's style, so I guessed correctly what stories were hers. She abided by the rules. I don't know how easy it is to change your style or if it is possible, since your writing is an extension of yourself.

However, I choose to believe in everyone's integrity here. :) These were all great stories. I voted for many of them in the past, and even if I didn't vote for them--I still thought they were good, but something appealed to my interests more.

I agree with most. You touched on one important point, however. We have no alternative but to trust the integrity of the voters because even if the PIN is used to establish identity, it varies with computers.

[Jack of Hearts]

Yeah. For instance, this poster is also Jerrybaldy, cafolini, hillwalker and WolfLarsen, so he can vote five times.







J

[Haunted]

I used to share this sentiment...until I lost the fifth grade class presidency. It was between me and another girl. She won by one vote. Now, I didn't actually want to be class president, so I didn't really care. However, I appreciated the fact that if you really want to win something, you should probably vote for yourself. So if I ever run for President of the United States, you can be sure I'll remember this lesson from fifth grade, and vote for myself.

The difference between voting for presidenct and here is, we are talking about tens of millions of votes for president, so one vote won't skew the results. But here we only get a handful of votes, and with some just off by one vote, it means win or lose. it's not a fair competition if the writer artificially bumps up votes for himself. That got to be a rule against that. This is important because prize money is involved.

I remember reading from a young poster who entered in a previous contest thinking he came up last and I could tell his self-esteem suffered. But that's not true. The writer of another SS voted for himself/herself. Had that been disallowed, that self voter's story would have been last. I just felt some injustice was done to this young poster.

The problem with everybody casting their own vote is, it doesnt' take a genius to figure out who wrote which story through the process of deduction. It'll be a dead giveaway if theirs is the only vote. All I'm saying is, this practice is so not kosher.


I agree with most. You touched on one important point, however. We have no alternative but to trust the integrity of the voters because even if the PIN is used to establish identity, it varies with computers.

It's really a matter of matching the voters names to the person who submitted the story. The mods know who they are. We don't need the FBI.

[Sancho]

For what it’s worth, El Sancho’s vote is not for sale. And also, I do not have a horse in this race. I did submit a story earlier this year – it was about an orphan, a convict, and a baseball game – but it was eliminated, and although I voted in that go-around, I voted against myself. I voted for a story that I thought was better than the one that I wrote. Sadly, it was also eliminated. But hey, that’s the way the cookie crumbles.

[SilentMute]

The problem with everybody casting their own vote is, it doesnt' take a genius to figure out who wrote which story through the process of deduction. It'll be a dead giveaway if theirs is the only vote. All I'm saying is, this practice is so not kosher.



It's really a matter of matching the voters names to the person who submitted the story. The mods know who they are. We don't need the FBI.

I never agreed with showing who voted for what story because I did think it might influence other people. I do think the mods have the option to not show who voted for which story, and that might be a good thing to alter.

If a person voted every month, even if they submitted a story and voted for themselves, I don't know if it would be easy to tell. Even if you know the person will vote for themselves, you don't necessarily know if they are this time if they vote every month (unless they have a distinctive writing style). Their story could have been eliminated early on.

I knew your story when it was submitted into the competition because you are friends with my mom. My mom and I tend to discuss our friends. However, I did take into account that maybe if you had told other people about your love life, one of them had been inspired to write a story about you. However, the point is, if you wrote a story about something that you have told other people about which could help them guess...that is just as revealing as someone who always votes for themselves.

[Jassy Melson]

When your story is the best one submitted you have not only a right but an obligation to vote for your story.

[cafolini]

The difference between voting for presidenct and here is, we are talking about tens of millions of votes for president, so one vote won't skew the results. But here we only get a handful of votes, and with some just off by one vote, it means win or lose. it's not a fair competition if the writer artificially bumps up votes for himself. That got to be a rule against that. This is important because prize money is involved.

I remember reading from a young poster who entered in a previous contest thinking he came up last and I could tell his self-esteem suffered. But that's not true. The writer of another SS voted for himself/herself. Had that been disallowed, that self voter's story would have been last. I just felt some injustice was done to this young poster.

The problem with everybody casting their own vote is, it doesnt' take a genius to figure out who wrote which story through the process of deduction. It'll be a dead giveaway if theirs is the only vote. All I'm saying is, this practice is so not kosher.



It's really a matter of matching the voters names to the person who submitted the story. The mods know who they are. We don't need the FBI.

True, but it's an inmense job with many variables and turns and someone has to be trusted somehow.
Anyway. The most important thing is that the stories are published and have been selected with some degree of sense. Have fun.

[Haunted]

I knew your story when it was submitted into the competition because you are friends with my mom. My mom and I tend to discuss our friends. However, I did take into account that maybe if you had told other people about your love life, one of them had been inspired to write a story about you. However, the point is, if you wrote a story about something that you have told other people about which could help them guess...that is just as revealing as someone who always votes for themselves.

I did because I was a clear loser towards the end day it was third place by a huge and unrecoverable margin. They delete entries as soon as it closes and I didn't plan on reposting so I told her to check it out before it disappears. It was fiction by the way and not biological and it's hearsay. Whoever been inspired to write about me wouldn't really be writing about me for the fact that it's fiction. I would like to know who. But I'm immensely flattered.

For what its worth most of my poetry is things I made up as well, except for the dead people and pets...if you ever read it and wondered.

[SilentMute]

@Haunted--well that's a relief. I was actually worried when I read the story that you were considering offing yourself. However, I remembered when I was thirteen, I used to write poems about committing suicide. I was just venting and enjoyed the scenarios of everyone being sorry for driving me to such a desperate act. I never had any intention of doing it. ;)

[soundofmusic]

I actually think that the system here is pretty fair considering it is a small contest; and if I had entered a story, I would definitly vote for myself. I think people vote according to personal tastes. I read some of the more popular stories when they first came out, they weren't to my taste. Some had flair, some had a bit of sex (which always sells...even here on litnet); but I didn't think they were well put together. I sometimes wonder what would happen if Shakespeare, Ayn Rand, and Stephen King entered on here.

And Jack, if you are all those personalities..shame on you:dupe::ciappa:

[Haunted]

@Haunted--well that's a relief. I was actually worried when I read the story that you were considering offing yourself. However, I remembered when I was thirteen, I used to write poems about committing suicide. I was just venting and enjoyed the scenarios of everyone being sorry for driving me to such a desperate act. I never had any intention of doing it. ;)

hell no, quite the contrary. I had some windows replaced and I was so mad the way it turned out, I was ready to kill someone. I started writing things down and then I said to myself, what if I weave a story into it, add some drama... Anyway no more stories from me.

I have a few poems about suicides too. Twice in my life I almost did. I like the option though. Sadly no one would be sorry if I were gone. So I'm going to stick around for a bit longer and annoy the hell out of them :D

[SilentMute]

@Haunted--oh, I wouldn't say that. I don't even know you, and I was initially traumatized until I remembered my teenage angst.

I gave my teachers and school counselors a good scare in my youth. What I could never figure out was why they were so worried about me when there were kids who were in gangs and such.

[Haunted]

Are you saying my dumb story upset you? Is so I'm sorry. The end implies the character was saved. I don't read too much into stories people write as from their own personal life. Otherwise there will be a lot of psychotic sadistic killers on Litnet.

I think your school has done the right thing. Saving a good kid's life is more rewarding then trying to reform kids in gangs, they usually stay with the gangs anyway. But that would make a good story with a theme similar to Sophia's Choice.

[soundofmusic]

Yeah, the school counselors had me traumatized about my daughters suicide stories; sneaking around trying to find her diaries, then trying to break the codes she used...

[Haunted]

I can imagine the horror you must have felt, but it's a relief they took it so seriously. I read that an alarming high percentage of young people / teenagers contemplate suicide, but thankfully most don't carry it out or outgrow it.

[Scheherazade]

Is that 100 posts when they voted, or a 100 posts when voting closes?When the voting closes.


I would like to remind everyone that it is not against the competition rules to vote for one's own story and we should not pressure anyone to avoid this.

Four more votes to reach 50...

[Jack of Hearts]

To quote Sancho (hardly ever advisable, do so at your own risk), this reader doesn't have a horse in this race and has never submitted to the contest.

That said, there's just something so... affirming about a self-vote. Validating, even. It's like nipping yourself on the chin and saying, "You can do it, buddy. You're good enough. You're smart enough. And, gosh darn it, people like you."

And there's something weird about voting against yourself. This reader can't articulate it- do you know that scene from The Seventh Seal where those people are walking around whipping themselves for being unclean and yelling out apologies? That kind of weird.







J

[cafolini]

To quote Sancho (hardly ever advisable, do so at your own risk), this reader doesn't have a horse in this race and has never submitted to the contest.

That said, there's just something so... affirming about a self-vote. Validating, even. It's like nipping yourself on the chin and saying, "You can do it, buddy. You're good enough. You're smart enough. And, gosh darn it, people like you."

And there's something weird about voting against yourself. This reader can't articulate it- do you know that scene from The Seventh Seal where those people are walking around whipping themselves for being unclean and yelling out apologies? That kind of weird.J

Utter nonsense. If you are not sure of your story, don't screwball by posting it for competition. And if you are sure, vote for it.

[AuntShecky]

Sadly no one would be sorry if I were gone. :D

Happily many more are glad that you are here!

[Jack of Hearts]

Haha thanks cafolini. This reader, for just half a moment, got a tremendously surreal feeling about the world as he imagined himself setting off your nonsense alert.



J

[DocHeart]

...this reader doesn't have a horse in this race and has never submitted to the contest.



Okay... you've done it now...

(You know the drill. The following must be read out at a very quick pace indeed, and preferably after a good quantity of helium has been inhaled.)

It's Kim and Me leading Forever Young by a very short neck and coming up the rear is The Story of Remembering, The Story of Remembering closely followed by You Ooze, You Lose, but so far holding his own, as Playing the Piano is gaining ground going round the corner as we approach the final stretch. Kim and Me holding onto the lead as Forever Young is going off the rail, and The Story of Remembering just behind them looking to challenge the lead, but is he too far behind, KIM AND ME AND FOREVER YOUNG JUST TWO HUNDRED YARDS TO GO AS WE APPROACH NEW YEAR'S, and these two are DEFINITELY going for a photo finish, will it be Kim and Me or Forever Young, Kim and Me and Forever Young, Kim and Young and Forever Me, Me and Young and Forever Kim still head to head and --

(Ran out of helium.)

Merry Christmas to all :)

DH

[Sancho]

Now that right there made El Sancho laugh out loud – albeit a high-pitched, rarified, squeal of a laugh.

[soundofmusic]

Well, if Jack of Hearts really is 5 characters, then 5 of Kims votes are from him. I appreciate your honesty. To be honest, I have noticed that the folks on the other side of the pond always like their literature a bit complicated, dysfunctional and esoteric. I remember how disappointed I was when I went to England and took British literature and they assigned me all these people who had been banned, ran out of the country, etc...all I wanted was a bit of Shakespeare. Truthfully, I didn't get some of these stories either.

[hillwalker]

Well, if Jack of Hearts really is 5 characters, then 5 of Kims votes are from him. I appreciate your honesty. To be honest, I have noticed that the folks on the other side of the pond always like their literature a bit complicated, dysfunctional and esoteric. I remember how disappointed I was when I went to England and took British literature and they assigned me all these people who had been banned, ran out of the country, etc...all I wanted was a bit of Shakespeare. Truthfully, I didn't get some of these stories either.

Jack of Hearts definitely isn't Hillwalker. :eek2:

I'm not even sure it's possible to open multiple LitNet accounts under false identities.

As for esoterica - it's so much more rewarding when you have to have to think while you're reading a story or watching a film.

H

[SilentMute]

Jack of Hearts definitely isn't Hillwalker. :eek2:

I'm not even sure it's possible to open multiple LitNet accounts under false identities.

As for esoterica - it's so much more rewarding when you have to have to think while you're reading a story or watching a film.

H

Well, while I enjoy stories that make me think, sometimes when I read I don't want to think. I'm already thinking about something that I want a reprieve from. Therefore, during these times, I enjoy a story that just takes me away and doesn't force me to use my intellectual faculties.

[Jack of Hearts]

Anybody who can alternate between writing like each of those particular five posters is a way better writer than Jack of Hearts- and has an infinitely greater sense of satire.






J

[soundofmusic]

That is a good point, Silent, we folks...at least down South, turn off the thoughts, turn down the lights, get some cocoa and a cookie to relax...When I was in England, folks were discussing politics while drinking lagger, discussing literature while drinking tea...I want to peak in their bedrooms and see if they discuss profound things sitting up in bed and drinking cocoa?

[Jack of Hearts]

Okay... you've done it now...

(You know the drill. The following must be read out at a very quick pace indeed, and preferably after a good quantity of helium has been inhaled.)

It's Kim and Me leading Forever Young by a very short neck and coming up the rear is The Story of Remembering, The Story of Remembering closely followed by You Ooze, You Lose, but so far holding his own, as Playing the Piano is gaining ground going round the corner as we approach the final stretch. Kim and Me holding onto the lead as Forever Young is going off the rail, and The Story of Remembering just behind them looking to challenge the lead, but is he too far behind, KIM AND ME AND FOREVER YOUNG JUST TWO HUNDRED YARDS TO GO AS WE APPROACH NEW YEAR'S, and these two are DEFINITELY going for a photo finish, will it be Kim and Me or Forever Young, Kim and Me and Forever Young, Kim and Young and Forever Me, Me and Young and Forever Kim still head to head and --

(Ran out of helium.)

Merry Christmas to all :)

DH


Haha, it must be Christmas to be getting one of these from DocLove.








J

[hillwalker]

That is a good point, Silent, we folks...at least down South, turn off the thoughts, turn down the lights, get some cocoa and a cookie to relax...When I was in England, folks were discussing politics while drinking lagger, discussing literature while drinking tea...I want to peak in their bedrooms and see if they discuss profound things sitting up in bed and drinking cocoa?

We can actually do both (not at the same time, obviously). That's what TV was invented for - switching off the brain and plugging into the dumbed-down universe of 'easy entertainment'.
And trust me, there's not a great deal of discussion goes on in the bedroom...! (other than the price of groceries, what colour flooring to get for the new kitchen and who to invite round for Christmas dinner...).:yawnb:

H

[cafolini]

We can actually do both (not at the same time, obviously). That's what TV was invented for - switching off the brain and plugging into the dumbed-down universe of 'easy entertainment'.
And trust me, there's not a great deal of discussion goes on in the bedroom...! (other than the price of groceries, what colour flooring to get for the new kitchen and who to invite round for Christmas dinner...).:yawnb:

H

Like every media, TV has an inmense variety of programs for every taste. Quality in spectacle is taste and what sells is quality. And the bedroom is what it is for anyone to choose the conversation they wish.

[soundofmusic]

We can actually do both (not at the same time, obviously). That's what TV was invented for - switching off the brain and plugging into the dumbed-down universe of 'easy entertainment'.
And trust me, there's not a great deal of discussion goes on in the bedroom...! (other than the price of groceries, what colour flooring to get for the new kitchen and who to invite round for Christmas dinner...).:yawnb:

H

Oh god, you need a change. Last few times I was in the bedroom with anyone, the only discussion was the price...:smilielol5::dupe::thumbsup::lol:

[hillwalker]

I can't improve on that one. And you're right, I do need a change!

H

[Sancho]

Sounds! You shameless hussy!

Also, Feliz Navidad, mi amiga.

[Emil Miller]

Oh god, you need a change. Last few times I was in the bedroom with anyone, the only discussion was the price...:smilielol5::dupe::thumbsup::lol:

How much did you eventually have to pay?

[SilentMute]

How much did you eventually have to pay?

Well, when she tallied the cost at the end of the relationship...I think it was around $10,000. Her car got damaged when the young man decided to drive it over a median strip, and then it got repossessed.

[soundofmusic]

How much did you eventually have to pay?

Ah well, these things are what you call the "gift that keeps on taking"...But I think Silent is right: about 10,000 for 7 months of "night therapy", 10 years off my looks, 30 pounds of additional weight and several courses of antibiotics....:eek::leaving:


Well, when she tallied the cost at the end of the relationship...I think it was around $10,000. Her car got damaged when the young man decided to drive it over a median strip, and then it got repossessed.

I've been borrowing money from my daughter ever since. :willy_nilly:


I can't improve on that one. And you're right, I do need a change!

H

Hum, I'll send some one over. Lets see what we have in Florida: short and fat, old and thin, or gay and loving it...


Sounds! You shameless hussy!

Also, Feliz Navidad, mi amiga.

Did someone call me...Yep, I'm the only shameless hussy on this site. We are in need of some cookie humor here Sancho...:biggrinjester:

[Sancho]

Did someone call me...Yep, I'm the only shameless hussy on this site. We are in need of some cookie humor here Sancho...:biggrinjester:

Sounds, ain’t that the truth. Our story collaboration was fun last winter.

Hmm…I’ll start us out anew:

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.

Yes, yes, yes, excellent start. Hmmm.

And it was a dark and stormy night.

Uhh, I donno. Okay, okay, okay:

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and somewhere in La Mancha, in a place whose name I do not care to remember, a gentleman lived not long ago, one of those who has a lance and ancient shield on a shelf and keeps a skinny nag and a greyhound for racing, and it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

So. Call me Ishmael. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. But. I am a sick man… I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. Yet. You don’t know about me, without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, but that ain’t no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly.

Hmmm, I’d better start again:

The swift gray fox jumped over the lazy brown dog.

And that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

[SilentMute]

The puppy of the lazy brown dog took note and vowed, "The next time that fox goes sniffing around the hen house, I'm going to the owner. I'm going to say, "Boss man, it is time for Old Yeller to be put out to pasture."

[Zemouli Chahra]

All stories are expressive..... good job .One of the stories was..amaising .. I found myself lost reading it! How could such words take my mind! good style.

[Sancho]

My story is not included in the competion but I would like to have comments on it...
Concerning Grammar, which aspects should I take into account, knowing that English is my third foreign language..
I'm in need to your comments friends...
Great Thanks

Hi Zemouli, and welcome. It looks like your story has migrated over to the Short Story Sharing Thread. But I read it and I enjoyed it. I’ve got some ideas, but I need to put them into a coherent form and try to get them posted over there. I’m not guaranteeing I’ll ever get around to it, but I’ll try. I’m impressed that you wrote that story with English as a third language.

Ah, what the hey, I’m just going to post it here, because I’m on a roll, and occasionally the moderators will indulge El Sancho.

In a nutshell, you may consider rewriting it as a first-person narrative from the perspective of the young woman – a non-native speaker of English. Her voice would ring true, and a perceived weakness of the story (grammar) would now become a strength. It turns the tables on native English speakers who sometimes have difficultly writing from the point of view of a non-native English speaker, or even in the voice of an English-speaking character from a different region. A writer from New York writing in the voice of a character from rural Alabama is going to have to work very hard to convince me (I’m a Southerner). And if I were to try to write a first-person narrative from the perspective of a Scottish Highlands Sheep Herder, I predict I’d fail miserably – and Hillwalker wouldn’t buy it for a moment.

Much of the beauty in a language is in its nuance, and much of the nuance comes from the shared-experience of the people who speak it. I got to thinking about this a couple of weeks ago when I and a few of my co-workers were sitting around a table in a restaurant in Santiago, Chile. Most of us were native speakers of North American English, but we all had a little Spanish. One of the women was a native Spanish speaker from Puerto Rico, and one of the men was a local from Santiago. Well, the waiter came around to take our order, and I was feeling pretty proud of myself for ordering in Spanish. I understood everything he said to me and I think he understood everything I said to him. His interaction with the other Gringos at the table went similarly, but when he got to my Chilean compañero, lordy-lordy-lordy, those two started jabbering away in a rapid-fire South American Spanish that I could barely follow.

I leaned over to my Puerto Rican friend and said, “I didn’t get any of that.”

She said to me, “Me neither.”

I think another major challenge for a non-native speaker writing in the third person, is the genre. Short stories are tightly packed with no slow spots. Every sentence and almost every word is loaded. I’ll try to give a simplistic example: soundofmusic and I had a shared experience last winter creating a light-hearted little story where we went back and forth, and generally enjoyed ourselves. I’m not sure anybody else read it, but we sure had fun. A few days ago on this thread she prodded me to start another one, so I made a silly post where I strung together a bunch of first sentences from famous novels and threw in some other hackneyed stuff:




The swift gray fox jumped over the lazy brown dog.

It’s a nonsense sentence that a lot of people will recognize as typing exercise. More or less. The real sentence goes like this: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.” You see, that sentence has all 26 letters of the alphabet in it, making it a good drill for touch-typing.

Anyway, for me it has always evoked an image of British aristocrats on white horses galloping through the wood on a fox hunt. But SilentMute came back with:


The puppy of the lazy brown dog took note and vowed, "The next time that fox goes sniffing around the hen house, I'm going to the owner. I'm going to say, "Boss man, it is time for Old Yeller to be put out to pasture."

She threw me a change-up pitch.* Excellent! I can roll with that. I’ve seen Old Yeller – It made me cry. We’re switching from a fox-hunt story to a fox-in-the-hen-house story. (I never metaphor I didn’t like)

And here’s where I try to explain the shared-experience of language and how almost everything in it can be loaded. This has been a light-hearted, just-for-fun story, but it would be hugely inappropriate for me to come back with something like:


And then the Red Roster strutted out from behind the barn and declared, “Old Yeller is going out to pasture. It’s been decided. It’s the final solution."

Those seemingly innocuous words would unintentionally and immediately insult the 6 million Jews who died in the holocaust, and their loved ones.

So then, while I’m thinking of an appropriate come-back for the fox-in-the-hen-house story, here’s a little tune that gets at it better than I’ll ever be able to:

One night Farmer Brown was taking the air
Locked up the barn and with the greatest of care
Inside the hen house something stirred
When he hollered, “Who’s there?”
This is what he heard…

http://youtu.be/jmgaTPz63Bw

Asleep at the Wheel

It’s got a pretty cool sax solo too.


*That’s an American Baseball metaphor. A change-up pitch is where the pitcher makes the batter think he’s going to throw a fastball, but instead he throws an off-speed pitch, making the batter swing way out in front of the ball – STEEEE-RIKE, you outta there!

[Jack of Hearts]

Come on, the Sanch. You all have four days to make this story happen.







J

[SilentMute]

I can work with it. Okay, I'll take the PC version.

One night Farmer Brown was taking the air
Locked up the barn and with the greatest of care
Inside the hen house something stirred
When he hollered, “Who’s there?”
This is what he heard…

"THERE AIN'T NOBODY HERE BUT US CHICKENS! GO TO BED, DAD...ER, I MEAN, FARMER BROWN!"

Farmer Brown's eyebrows furrowed, and he scratched his bald head. Then he scratched his beard, and then his arse. Finally, he said, "Okay."

For you see, years of inbreeding in the backwater states had left Farmer Brown's family with a road that didn't fork. As a result, none had more brains than a mosquito. When you are at such a disadvantaged, you don't tend to notice things are slightly amissed--like chickens can't talk, they can't play the sax, and despite some of your weird relationships with farm animals, the laws of Nature should prevent any of them from calling you "dad."

However, Nature does sometimes throw us a few wild cards. Nine months later, Fanny Brown--the farmer's daughter--was in bed, even though the rooster had crowed two hours ago. Mrs. Brown, the farmer's wife, muttered as she climbed the stairs, "Boy, dat girl is gettin lazier and lazier. No wonder she gettin so fat too! She look like she swallered a watermelon!"

She opened the bedroom door of the girl's room, and said, "Girl, get up--OH, MY LORD! WHAT THE DEVIL IS THAT THING?"

There was a little creature bawling in between the legs of Fanny Brown, who had suddenly lost quite a bit of baby weight...literally. It was an ugly baby, which was a tragedy, particularly since it was a little girl. It looked like it was part man, part bear, and part pig.

:cornut:

[soundofmusic]

Oh Gosh, Sancho and Silent; I was sitting up with my night light in the barn, counting chickens and good looking winged singing cowboys in boots when I fell asleep and dreamed of peanut butter oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips...suddenly, the barn caught fire and we were wisked away to a fox hunt in England, headed by no one else than the wee fairy Queen beautifully attired in purple velvet and showing just the tiniest bit of ankle above her boot. Well, of course, all the English blokes followed her when the horn blew, 16 husky horses with fine horsemen, 35 hounds following one mangy fox. But there were a fair amount of Southern Americans at that hunt and we were much more interested in the little blond girl scout who was selling chocolate mints, coconut cookies and so on. We came off our horses faster than lightening, emptied our pockets and sat in the shade with our cookies and mint juleps. :cornut:

[Sancho]

Whoa!

In a New York minute, no fewer than two-and-a-half million farmer’s-daughter jokes flashed across Sancho’s brain.

Well okay, I’m from one of the backwater States, so the New York minute went on for around an hour and a half. It was like a flashback from ‘Nam. Except I didn’t go to ‘Nam – I was still trying really hard to grow pubic hair back during the Vietnam conflict. I know, I know, TMI.

But anyway, it was like a flashback – from…Mmm…from…Umm…Hey I know, from Comedy Central. That’s it! I’ve watched too much of that station. Man-Bear-Pig? Mr. Gore? You’ve killed Kenny! You bastard!

As for the fox-in-the-henhouse story line, I can’t compete with Ray Benson and Asleep at Wheel’s Ain’t Nobody Here but Us Chickens (in that you-tube video, I fancied myself as the rooster, go figure). But since SilentMute went from a change-up pitch to a slider (very clever) and Sounds is throwing every pitch in the book at me, I figure we’re over to a farmer’s-daughter story now, so I have a short-fiction recommendation:

Try Flannery O’Connor’s Good Country People

Here’s a teaser:


Every morning Mrs. Hopewell got up at seven o’clock and lit her gas heater and Joy’s. Joy was her daughter, a large blonde girl who had an artificial leg. Mrs. Hopewell thought of her as a child though she was thirty-two years old and highly educated.

Joy winds up in the barn with a bible salesman, but it’s not what you’d expect.

I visited Flannery a couple of weeks ago. I was on my way home to Atlanta from Macon and decided to take a side trip through Milledgeville just to try to find her marker in the cemetery there. I did. She died too young; I’d like to see where her writing would’ve gone.

[soundofmusic]

[QUOTE=Sancho;1101712]Whoa!

In a New York minute, no fewer than two-and-a-half million farmer’s-daughter jokes flashed across Sancho’s brain.

Well okay, I’m from one of the backwater States, so the New York minute went on for around an hour and a half. It was like a flashback from ‘Nam. Except I didn’t go to ‘Nam – I was still trying really hard to grow pubic hair back during the Vietnam conflict. I know, I know, TMI.

But anyway, it was like a flashback – from…Mmm…from…Umm…Hey I know, from Comedy Central. That’s it! I’ve watched too much of that station. Man-Bear-Pig? Mr. Gore? You’ve killed Kenny! You bastard!

As for the fox-in-the-henhouse story line, I can’t compete with Ray Benson and Asleep at Wheel’s Ain’t Nobody Here but Us Chickens (in that you-tube video, I fancied myself as the rooster, go figure). But since SilentMute went from a change-up pitch to a slider (very clever) and Sounds is throwing every pitch in the book at me, I figure we’re over to a farmer’s-daughter story now, so I have a short-fiction recommendation:

Try Flannery O’Connor’s Good Country People

Here’s a teaser:



Joy winds up in the barn with a bible salesman, but it’s not what you’d expect.

I visited Flannery a couple of weeks ago. I was on my way home to Atlanta from Macon and decided to take a side trip through Milledgeville just to try to find her marker in the cemetery there. I did. She died too young; I’d like to see where her writing would’ve gone.[/QUOTE)

Gosh, Sancho, is there a tv program or book you're not familiar with...this Florida Saltine can't keep up...Well, I guess this thread is about to close in two days and I have a half empty bottle of rum with my name on it for the new year...so see you next year. :smilielol5:

[SilentMute]

Silent is beginning to wonder if people are drinking a little early in celebration for the new year. :cheers2: She is totally confused. Are we starting early because we believe we're all going to die in 2012?

So....

The townspeople begin to suspect witchcraft is being practiced in their small town. Yes, even in this day and age, people believe in witches who have all the power in the world, but nothing better to do with it than annoy their neighbors. Are we so surprised? The nation's IQ is not much higher than the Browns with quality television spewing out shows like Jersey Shore. People believe we are all going to die next year because the Mayan calendar didn't go past 2012. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe the Mayans thought a several thousand year calendar was good enough--and if they lived to the year 2012, they would just make another one?

Anyway, what was the point? Oh, yes. They believed there was a witch in their midst. One of their neighbors--the hussy--disappeared while counting chickens in her barn. She left her daughter behind with a sink full of dirty dishes and a house that was in need of repair, but at least the bills were paid for that month. There was no guarantee the bills would be paid next month, though, since the neighbor spent it all on girl scout cookies.

Then, of course, there was Fanny's ugly baby. Witchcraft could only explain that, they thought. So they looked in the Yellow Pages to find an exorcist, but because they didn't know how to spell it, they hired an exercise instructor. However, as it turns out, John-John Sanchez Buenapita had been a priest at one time. It seemed possible that not only could he get them in good shape and lower the cholesterol, he might be able to get rid of their witch.

Of course, when he arrived, there were some doubts. He exited his red sports car, wearing tight bicycle pants that revealed his buff bod. He had a superman cape on, and he was carrying a very resigned red cat who was wearing a Santa cap with a mouse dangling at the end of it. The cat looked like it just wanted to hang itself, though whether it was because its life was miserable, or it was mortified at being seen in such a ridiculous hat...I don't know.

The townspeople stared at John-John Sanchez Buenapita, and he stared back at them. His confidence was melting away under their scrutiny. His buff bod seemed to be getting scrawnier. The red cat in the stupid hat started squirming, hoping to make a break for it.

Suddenly, an old lady walked up to him. She was gasping for breath from the exertion of walking a few steps. Nana Bella never allowed the inconvenience of not being able to breathe slow her down. She just went on her way, carrying her three foot oxygen tank behind her.

"I remember you!" she finally wheezed, "I've seen you before!"

John-John Sanchez Buenapita looked at her nervously, which made the townspeople suspect he was guilty of some horrible crime. In truth, he didn't understand her. On top of not being able to breathe, Nana Bella had no teeth, and constant Botox injections had paralyzed one side of her face. To someone who was not accustomed to talking to her, she made as much sense as the Tasmanian Devil, and she spat just as much.

[Sancho]

And then Sanch-O and Sound-O barreled into town in a beat-up 1974 Dodge Monaco with the muffler hanging, the radiator boiling over, and the shield from the Mount Prospect Police Department on the door poorly painted over. Mariachi music was pumping from the trunk-mounted subwoofers at an insane volume. The car skidded to a stop in the crowd of people and then commenced to do donuts with rubber squealing and gravel flying until the crowd was all sniffing and fetching like their heads was on fire and their arses was catching.

When the car finally came to a stop in a cloud of dust, Sound-O stumbled out with a half bottle of rum, a wild look in her eyes, and announced to no one in particular, “We started New Years a little early.”

Sanch-O meanwhile leaned against the front fender, cracked another cold one, and with a sense of slightly overdone nonchalance said, “Yup.”

Sanchez wandered over to Sanch-O and said, “Cousin, Que tal? New wheels?”

Sanch-O came back with, “Si, It's got a cop motor, a 440-cubic-inch plant. It's got cop tires, cop suspension, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. And by the way, cousin, what’s with the luchador get up?"

Sanchez said, “I got all dressed up to come into town to vote. We’ve got this contest going on, but it’s all tied up.”

Sanch-O said, “Well it looks like you’re headed for extra innings then.”

[Zemouli Chahra]

How to vote?what to do?

[hillwalker]

How to vote?what to do?

Go to the poll at the start of the page, then click on the title of the story you think is best.

H

[MarkBastable]

Go to the poll at the start of the page, then click on the title of the story you think is best.

H

Except that he's got only 32 posts to his name.

[Aspirational]

Ah, it's a shame but I'll never get all the posts I need to vote by December 31st.

Good luck to all participants anyway!

[Scheherazade]

Visit our Games section if you want to increase your post count! ;)

Going once...

[Maximilianus]

Voted!
Beautiful stories all of 'em!

[sadparadise]

I am casting my vote. Thank you to the writers in the final five, I have enjoyed them all. A little sci fi, a lil kafkaesque, confessional and some fairytale. Good luck!

[Scheherazade]

Due to popular demand, the voting period has been extended.

The competition will now end on January 1st.

Thank you all for voting and making this one the most popular competition yet. :)

[KCurtis]

Thankyou for asking! I do think that we should not have been able to see poll results until after the winner has won. I purposely did not look at the poll results when I voted.

[JuniperWoolf]

...You've got to be kidding.

[KCurtis]

...You've got to be kidding.

No, why? Don't you think that looking at poll results before you vote has an influence?
Okay then, maybe you're thinking that I am a sore loser because I voted for a story that got the least votes so far? I am willing to listen to
honesty and criticism.

[cafolini]

Those few who might be driven by poll results are part of the democracy. It's the way things work.

[DocHeart]

Wow. A tie?? What happens now?

[Haunted]

Wow. A tie?? What happens now?

I suggest putting the top two in a football field. Give each one a helmet, spear and shield. Let them duel until there's only one alive, and that will be announced as the winner.

p.s. Throw in some lions for more excitment.

[KCurtis]

Those few who might be driven by poll results are part of the democracy. It's the way things work.

You are probably right. Even if I had looked at the poll results I probably would have voted my way, I hope. Something to think about though. Do we subconsciously vote the way our peers do? That's another thread. I am excited to find out who wrote what story.

[Scheherazade]

Congratulations to the writer of "Forever Young", MarkBastable, the winner of 2011 Short Story Competition.

I would like to thank everyone who took part in the competition as well as those who have been reading and voting throughout the year.

Looking forward to reading more stories in 2012!

[MystyrMystyry]

Congratulations Mark.

[Jack of Hearts]

Mark is a good writer (whatever that means) and hits the targets he aims for. His story was a good read. Even though he didn't vote for it, it's easy to understand how it could win.

The other stories were good too.








J

[soundofmusic]

Great Job Mark, wow, who would have ever guessed that the professional writer would have won two years in a row....

Scher, are we going to have a competition next year, or just give Mark the prize at the onset.

[Scheherazade]

Scher, are we going to have a competition next year, or just give Mark the prize at the onset.No, we would like to pretend that there is a fair competition open to all so we will wait until the end of the year... As usual.

[Jack of Hearts]

Well the professional writer barely eeked it out, so competitive 'twas.






J

[Sancho]

Nice story, Mark.

Two years in a row I've voted for your story in the quarter-finals, and then for someone else in the play-off game. (Uh, sorry)

Rock on, Mah brothah, and

¡Muy Feliz Año Nuevo!

[SilentMute]

@Mark--Congrats, Mark! If one has to lose, at least it doesn't burn so much when the winner's entry truly was an excellent piece of work like Forever Young.


Great Job Mark, wow, who would have ever guessed that the professional writer would have won two years in a row....

Scher, are we going to have a competition next year, or just give Mark the prize at the onset.

Now, you see, if I had said something like the above, people would accuse me of sour grapes...but mom gets away with it.


No, we would like to pretend that there is a fair competition open to all so we will wait until the end of the year... As usual.

[mona amon]

Congrats, Mark!

Can we have the names of the writers of the other stories?

[soundofmusic]

No, we would like to pretend that there is a fair competition open to all so we will wait until the end of the year... As usual.

Ah yes, well after years of being assigned "Jonathan Livingstone Segal" and
"Atlas Shrugged", I have given up the idea that all writers are created equal...I still think, though, that we should have a roasting or something for Mark so he quite feels like one of us :smash::grouphug:


Nice story, Mark.

Two years in a row I've voted for your story in the quarter-finals, and then for someone else in the play-off game. (Uh, sorry)

Rock on, Mah brothah, and

¡Muy Feliz Año Nuevo!
I don't know Sancho, if we had published our girl scout cookie caper last year, I think we might have given Mark a run for his money...who can resist a chocolate chip story with a sexy ingenue?


@Mark--Congrats, Mark! If one has to lose, at least it doesn't burn so much when the winner's entry truly was an excellent piece of work like Forever Young.

Now, you see, if I had said something like the above, people would accuse me of sour grapes...but mom gets away with it.

That's because no one takes me seriously; there are advantages to being the court jester! :crazy:


Congrats, Mark!

Can we have the names of the writers of the other stories?

Yes, I do want to know who wrote Kim and Me (then I want to know who the slutty sister is and if she is on litnet:brow:

[soundofmusic]

Really though, Mark, it was incredibly well written...totally sick of course, scarier than the bible, bloodier than any of the Saw movies...Thank God you are a sane man; I'd hate to think what you could do as a serial killer...

[qimissung]

Congratulations, Mark, and felicitations to all who wrote and entered! Well done, my friends, well done!

Actually, I kind of thought Forever Young was Mark's as it was another take on yet another myth, but he certainly did an outstanding job with it.

[Darcy88]

Really though, Mark, it was incredibly well written...totally sick of course, scarier than the bible, bloodier than any of the Saw movies...Thank God you are a sane man; I'd hate to think what you could do as a serial killer...

Hahaha. So true. And I did not make the Prometheus connection until reading qimissung's comment below. Perceptive I am. I have to say that though I voted for Forever Young I was greatly impressed with every entry and am now shaking in my boots, intimidated at the thought of possibly challenging any of these awesome writers for the prize next year. I don't know if I have it in me to muster such audacity.

[hillwalker]

Congratulations Mark - and indeed to the runner-up (whoever he or she may be - the story I ended up voting for). It was such a close run thing this time.

H

[SilentMute]

Congrats, Mark!

Can we have the names of the writers of the other stories?

Oh, I don't know Mona Amon. I think that is like unmasking a super hero.


Yes, I do want to know who wrote Kim and Me (then I want to know who the slutty sister is and if she is on litnet:brow:

Sometimes I wonder about you, mum.

[KCurtis]

Congratulations Mark. :thumbs_up

[cafolini]

Good stuff, Mark. I wish I knew who wrote Kim and Me. And all the others, of course. I kinda knew it was you with Forever Young because of the questions and style of presentation. There were just a very few others that could have been, except for the temper necessary to write it without reactionary foreigneerings. Good stuff, again.

[soundofmusic]

Hahaha. So true. And I did not make the Prometheus connection until reading qimissung's comment below. Perceptive I am. I have to say that though I voted for Forever Young I was greatly impressed with every entry and am now shaking in my boots, intimidated at the thought of possibly challenging any of these awesome writers for the prize next year. I don't know if I have it in me to muster such audacity.

That is perceptive. No, actually I hadn't drawn that connection. I, on the other hand, was married to two huge sci fi readers and television watchers, so I picked up all the bits that had landed in the twilight zones, outer limits, and other episodes. Of course, Mark took it much further than, as Califoni mentioned, our American sensitivities would stomach or phathom:patriot:...still, it is an amazing story and I had nightmares all night after reading it...actually, I stopped after the dog came...enough said...understood:cold::sick::beatdeadhorse5:


Oh, I don't know Mona Amon. I think that is like unmasking a super hero.

Sometimes I wonder about you, mum.

:ihih:Always good to keep a bit of variety in the household; did I ever tell you that people on litnet once thought you were my second identity:smilielol5:


Good stuff, Mark. I wish I knew who wrote Kim and Me. And all the others, of course. I kinda knew it was you with Forever Young because of the questions and style of presentation. There were just a very few others that could have been, except for the temper necessary to write it without reactionary foreigneerings. Good stuff, again.

Yes, I figured, you want to date the sister :smilielol5: It is an odd thing about us "foreigners"; we are too sensitive to write books about the stuff we wouldn't blink at doing. ON the other hand, other countries tend to write about things they think about doing but always stop short of the action.

[Gilliatt Gurgle]

Congratulations Mark!
I straddled the fence between the top two for some time, but eventually dropped down on the side Forever Young.
Nice piece.

.

[MarkBastable]

Thank you very much to all sixty-odd who took the time to read the stories and vote. That was a damn close-run thing, and I'm delighted to have won by a nose, whilst being fully aware that - when it's that close - it's practically a toss-up. If the voting had carried on another day, I could just as easily have been one behind.

Can I just address this 'professional writer' thing? First, I guess it depends what you mean by professional. I've never made a living from writing - I've always had a 'proper job'. And I haven't written anything for money for over a decade. I might try to go back to it this year. But the point is, these days I write on a whim.

So it might be more relevant to say that I'm a published writer. Thing is though, being published doesn't necessarily make you a shoo-in for this kind of game. I know many published writers who'd struggle to write a story for this contest, just as I know many unpublished writers who are naturals for it. So I don't think I'm at any advantage in the contest because I've been published. I think being published and doing well in the contest are both effects of the same cause - which is that I wrote something that readers liked.

The question really, I suppose, is do we want a new rule saying that the competition is open only to unpublished writers? The organisers could easily make such a rule - the only slight problem would be defining 'published'. But in principle, it's easy to do.

[Sancho]

Well, El Sancho votes that Mark stays. I know these forums are not a democracy, but I’m going to vote anyway, so I vote he stays.

I mean you can’t kick the championship team out of league – that would cause a race towards mediocrity, or as Hunter S. Thompson put it, “A downward spiral of dumbness.”

Also, I like reading his stories. And I don’t know about you guys, but every once in a while I get a burning desire to write something, and then I go at it until it’s down on paper, in some sort-of form or other(coherent or not), and then the pressure is off and I can go on with my life – mow the grass or change the oil in the car or something. I think a lot of us are like that and it’s nice to have a thread where we can throw our stuff out there and get a critical assessment of it.

Enough of that. Hey Mark, I found this really cool picture that could serve as illustration to your 2010 story:

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae197/mollyandbruno/deathoficarus.jpg

Death of Icarus, by Brueghel, 1558

If I’m not mistaken, that’s your protagonist’s leg sticking out of the water in front of the ship.

[MarkBastable]

Well, El Sancho votes that Mark stays. I know these forums are not a democracy, but I’m going to vote anyway, so I vote he stays.

I mean you can’t kick the championship team out of league – that would cause a race towards mediocrity, or as Hunter S. Thompson put it, “A downward spiral of dumbness.”

Also, I like reading his stories. And I don’t know about you guys, but every once in a while I get a burning desire to write something, and then I go at it until it’s down on paper, in some sort-of form (coherent or not) or other, and then the pressure is off and I can go on with my life – mow the grass or change the oil in the car or something. I think a lot of us are like that and it’s nice to have a thread where we can throw our stuff out there and get a critical assessment of it.

Enough of that. Hey Mark, I found this really cool picture that could serve as illustration to your 2010 story:

http://i971.photobucket.com/albums/ae197/mollyandbruno/DeathofIcarusbyBrueghel.jpg

Death of Icarus, by Brueghel, 1558

If I’m not mistaken, that’s your protagonist’s leg sticking out of the water in front of the ship.

Thank you.

Yes, the painting is the subject of a poem by Auden (http://poetrypages.lemon8.nl/life/musee/museebeauxarts.htm), which was in turn alluded to in my story. The title comes from the poem, and three or four lines from it are slid into the narrative. And the setting described in the story is, in effect, the landscape shown in the painting. So it's a story about a poem about a painting about a story.

I figured some people would know the painting and some would know the poem, and some both, and that they'd be tickled by the allusions. But the idea was to make the story work as a standalone - and I rather liked the idea that some readers would come across the painting or the poem later and think, "Hang on a minute..."

[Sancho]

So it's a story about a poem about a painting about a story.

Well said, thanks for the explanation. Figuring out what went into the creative process is sometimes as interesting as the final result. Also thanks for the links.

[Pendragon]

Congratulations, MarkBastable! A nice little story, but my heart went another way. Congratulations to all the finalists, each of you deserved to win. But in the end, there can be only one... The Litnet has spoken! Again, congratulations, Mark on well deserved win!

[SilentMute]

It is hard enough to get people to read the rules we have, so I don't think that adding more would be helpful. Besides, when you have so many rules, contests can be rather a drag. And I don't know how the moderators could enforce them anyway. For instance, I've been published--but in very obscure magazines and in one equally obscure collaboration.

The only way I could see that someone could have an unfair advantage in this contest is if they have several identities on LitNet that vote for them, or they tell their friends to vote for them.

However, I don't believe that happened here. I believe everyone liked Forever Young, and I can't blame them--it was a fine story.

I am curious about the author of Kim and Me too, but I understand wanting to remain mysterious. After all, the problem is that if people start recognizing your writing style, it could go against you. Of course, it might help too. It would depend on the person.

So, what I really want to know is...when are we starting the next short story competition? And are the rules going to be the same?

[Jack of Hearts]

Well, given the anonymity of the internet, we're all just assuming the other authors aren't 'professional' or 'published' authors. Maybe the author of Kim and Me is a very bored Joyce Carol Oates come to troll us on these forums.

So we can't possibly regulate that. But what's more important is that if we implement that rule anyway we can single Mark out and drop a lil' bit of hate on him. And that would be very cathartic. We could just rephrase the new rule for convenience's sake: The competition is open to all forum members with 100 posts or more and who are not MarkBastable.








J

[Scheherazade]

I have to start by saying that I am rather disappointed to see that a thread which remains open to congratulate the winner of 2011 Competition has turned into an inexplicable display of bitterness.

This competition is open to all members who have accumulated 100 or more posts. If we are to consider adding limitations on participation and voting, should we also consider banning native speakers because ESOL speakers like myself can very easily claim that those who are native speakers have an unfair advantage over us? How about writers voting for themselves? Or friends and family voting for them?

It would be impossible for us to "police" all these criteria and, demonstrating mutual trust and honesty, we will be able to carry on with minimal restrictions on the stories and contributors.

As it was mentioned above, the only thing we object to is members creating multiple accounts (which is a bannable-offence on its own as well) to be able to vote repeatedly in the competition, which is the reason why the voting cannot be annonymous. I am glad to add that this has happened only couple of times since the competition started.

I would also like to remind that I am not at liberty to reveal the identity of the contributors. If they choose to do so, they will, I am sure, come forward themselves.

I hope my post will lay some of the issues raised to rest so that we can now offer Mark the congratulations he deserves and look forward to reading more stories both by him and other members who are willing to take the challenge in 2012.

[Bluehound]

Big congrats Mark, I liked your story very much and voted for it in both rounds.

Thanks to everyone who read my story and voted for it, I am actually quite chuffed with getting 3rd place in my first year of being involved.

And thanks to the organisers, it's been fun ( I am pretty sure most of the gripes were tongue in cheek ).

Bring on the next one :)

[hillwalker]

I have to start by saying that I am rather disappointed to see that a thread which remains open to congratulate the winner of 2011 Competition has turned into an inexplicable display of bitterness.

I don't think it was bitterness, Scher. Just plain old envy (with tongue firmly in cheek) because Mark's so damned good.

H

[aliengirl]

Heartiest Congrats Mark! Two years in a row. That's really great. :)

[qimissung]

Big congrats Mark, I liked your story very much and voted for it in both rounds.

Thanks to everyone who read my story and voted for it, I am actually quite chuffed with getting 3rd place in my first year of being involved.

And thanks to the organisers, it's been fun ( I am pretty sure most of the gripes were tongue in cheek ).

Bring on the next one :)

So you wrote "The Story of Remembering"? That was very good. I took my time deciding between that one and "Forever Young." It was close.

"I like "Kim and Me" a great deal, too, but some parts of it I found a bit confusing. I'm not sure if I didn't read it closely enough, and I haven't gone back to see. It was good, anyway.

Do any of the authors care to come forward yet??? I am dying of curiosity here!!!

[aliengirl]

And I did not make the Prometheus connection until reading qimissung's comment below. Perceptive I am.

Well, I did think about Cumaean Sibyl while reading the story.


And I also request the writer of "Kim and Me" to please reveal his/her identity. Sigh... I had just one vote.

[soundofmusic]

Thank you very much to all sixty-odd who took the time to read the stories and vote. That was a damn close-run thing, and I'm delighted to have won by a nose, whilst being fully aware that - when it's that close - it's practically a toss-up. If the voting had carried on another day, I could just as easily have been one behind.

Can I just address this 'professional writer' thing? First, I guess it depends what you mean by professional. I've never made a living from writing - I've always had a 'proper job'. And I haven't written anything for money for over a decade. I might try to go back to it this year. But the point is, these days I write on a whim.

So it might be more relevant to say that I'm a published writer. Thing is though, being published doesn't necessarily make you a shoo-in for this kind of game. I know many published writers who'd struggle to write a story for this contest, just as I know many unpublished writers who are naturals for it. So I don't think I'm at any advantage in the contest because I've been published. I think being published and doing well in the contest are both effects of the same cause - which is that I wrote something that readers liked.

The question really, I suppose, is do we want a new rule saying that the competition is open only to unpublished writers? The organisers could easily make such a rule - the only slight problem would be defining 'published'. But in principle, it's easy to do.

Thank you Mark, I know you didn't have to give an explanation; but it was darn big of you to do it and you have my admiration. I truly didn't think of your win with bitterness; I was very impressed with last years story and this one was great also...just alittle intense for my personal tastes.
Now personally, about the only writing I do is phone numbers on my palm and love letters on public bathrooms; but as I had once heard that you were a columnist for several of the well known New York City and British magazines and had published several books, I would have been horribly intimidated as one of the many who, as Fitzgerald once said, "paper my walls with rejection slips".
By the way, on another note, I recently saw your picture on a publicity page and I will vote for you next year (if I'm not voting for my accounts of my failed marriages and writing experiences) based entirely on your picture...I am voting for a removal of the mask here here...does anyone want to see Marks real face...He's really really handsome!:banana::banana:


Well, given the anonymity of the internet, we're all just assuming the other authors aren't 'professional' or 'published' authors. Maybe the author of Kim and Me is a very bored Joyce Carol Oates come to troll us on these forums.

So we can't possibly regulate that. But what's more important is that if we implement that rule anyway we can single Mark out and drop a lil' bit of hate on him. And that would be very cathartic. We could just rephrase the new rule for convenience's sake: The competition is open to all forum members with 100 posts or more and who are not MarkBastable.


J

Very Funny Jack, seriously, I only persecute those I love...ask my daughter...how about it Silent?


I have to start by saying that I am rather disappointed to see that a thread which remains open to congratulate the winner of 2011 Competition has turned into an inexplicable display of bitterness.

This competition is open to all members who have accumulated 100 or more posts. If we are to consider adding limitations on participation and voting, should we also consider banning native speakers because ESOL speakers like myself can very easily claim that those who are native speakers have an unfair advantage over us? How about writers voting for themselves? Or friends and family voting for them?

It would be impossible for us to "police" all these criteria and, demonstrating mutual trust and honesty, we will be able to carry on with minimal restrictions on the stories and contributors.

As it was mentioned above, the only thing we object to is members creating multiple accounts (which is a bannable-offence on its own as well) to be able to vote repeatedly in the competition, which is the reason why the voting cannot be annonymous. I am glad to add that this has happened only couple of times since the competition started.

I would also like to remind that I am not at liberty to reveal the identity of the contributors. If they choose to do so, they will, I am sure, come forward themselves.

I hope my post will lay some of the issues raised to rest so that we can now offer Mark the congratulations he deserves and look forward to reading more stories both by him and other members who are willing to take the challenge in 2012.

I submit myself humbly to the tar, feathers and whips and I will try not to enjoy them...Can I write about it though?:Angel_anim::reddevil:

[Bar22do]

I'm rather lost in this big thread, too much to read for the working class! but wanted to congratulate you warmly, MarkBastable, for your perfect short story. Although I finally voted for the one which lost by one voice (who wrote it?), I admired all the finalists' ideas and art that certainly left me with my mouth open. Naturally, I dream the day I can write one short story myself (but that will probably have to wait for another reincarnation)...

So congratulations to you and all who attempted and achieved here involving, well built, short stories!

With best regards, Bar

[Aspirational]

Brilliant story again MarkBastable. I preferred the Icarus story, but this was still better (in my opinion) than any of the others this year. Maybe Kim and Me was too confusing for me? I may hope to give you a run for your money next year. ;)

[Jassy Melson]

Poets can be the most vindictive and jealous of people. They are only human, after all.

[JuniperWoolf]

No, why? Don't you think that looking at poll results before you vote has an influence?
Okay then, maybe you're thinking that I am a sore loser because I voted for a story that got the least votes so far? I am willing to listen to
honesty and criticism.

No, I was talking about how the voting pattern of this competition was like a Cold War Canada vs Russia game.

(brutal, high scoring, neck and neck all throughout)

Well done, Bastable.

[Jack of Hearts]

Well, given the anonymity of the internet, we're all just assuming the other authors aren't 'professional' or 'published' authors. Maybe the author of Kim and Me is a very bored Joyce Carol Oates come to troll us on these forums.

So we can't possibly regulate that. But what's more important is that if we implement that rule anyway we can single Mark out and drop a lil' bit of hate on him. And that would be very cathartic. We could just rephrase the new rule for convenience's sake: The competition is open to all forum members with 100 posts or more and who are not MarkBastable.








J

This was purely cheeky/teasing and aimed at Mark's post.

Thanks for sharing a great story Mark, congratulations on your deserved win, and yes your story from last year was amazing too.

Hopefully any miscommunication hasn't dissuaded you from entering in the future. The contest would lose something if you didn't- and we'd all lose the opportunity to read some really great stories (and healthy competition).






- Jack of Smarts

[AuntShecky]

Congratulations to the winner!

It would be very nice if the other entrants--all worthy!--were to re-post their stories in separate threads. By doing so, the rest of the LitNetters can offer them the praise that is definitely their due as well as offering constructive comments which might help them in subsequent competitions.