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Ll Rm M
04-26-2011, 06:38 PM
I drew this picture on my profile. Well, I also inked it in! She's very sad because her sister is separated from her by curses and distance. That is exactly the theme of this thread. Sadness. Share a sad or hopeless poem with me. Anything that makes you feel down. Suggestions: Sad things, tragedies, hate, imprisonment, torture.

Rules-
Appropriate things only.
No profanity.
Poem must rhyme.
Please avoid direct names as much as possible. (Tina, Tony, Jon, et cetera.)
Have fun!

Delta40
04-26-2011, 06:42 PM
uhm its very early here. can you give us all an example?

Ll Rm M
04-26-2011, 06:52 PM
Hopeless

All the love in me went away
Hope has found no place to stay
I just think about it all.
I try to see good things I can't recall.

Hopeless: Part 2

Day turns night.
Night turns day.
These chains won't let me run away.
My spirit will never set me free.
Is this how life's supposed to be?

Hopeless End:

If I ever see a shooting star,
I wouldn't make a wish, nor have a change of heart.
The pages of my life are charred.
Now all of me is secluded, never left a mark.


Hopeless End:

If I ever see a shooting star,
I wouldn't make a wish, nor have a change of heart.
The pages of my life are charred.
Now all of me is secluded, never left a mark.

It took me a very short time to write because I wrote it down already on paper a week ago. I started so people could experience sad poetry and feel the joy of writing their own. (That's weird. Joy of sad stuff? Total Paradox!)

Delta40
04-26-2011, 07:01 PM
dammit I don't feel sad enough yet!

When life turns grey
at the temple
Winters' cold lash
will be upon me.
So don't go
don't leave
Youth shelter me
like a home knitted scarf

Ll Rm M
04-26-2011, 07:10 PM
When my spirit unfurls
A magic spell swirls
To cast me away
To the depths of the abyss, and I had no say.
Thought that was my freedom from the curse.
But I wrong was I, the other world was worse.


dammit I don't feel sad enough yet!

When life turns grey
at the temple
Winters' cold lash
will be upon me.
So don't go
don't leave
Youth shelter me
like a home knitted scarf

That's very nice even though it doesnt rhyme... I can always think of sad stuff even though i am a happy person! But i have a very short temper, unfortunately. But only if stuff i worked on messes up. Yeah irritates me.

It surprises me how quickly i can make these up right on the spot.....

I am waiting for Beautifull to come... Now i am talking to myself....

Delta40
04-26-2011, 07:29 PM
I'm a bad rhymer
my metre is a poor timer
when I write this stuff
I say with a huff
why couldn't life be kinder

hows that? I hate rhyming

Ll Rm M
04-26-2011, 07:37 PM
Colors of Sad

Red's the color of blood and stress.
I see red making my torn pieces a mess.

Blue is the color, the hue of sorrow
I wish happiness was an item to borrow.

Purple is not just melancholy,
Its a way to prisoner hold me.

Yellow is a color that is very bright.
I never see any, I just see the night.

Green is a color of the sea.
What is right will never be.

Pink is just another color, one shade too bright.
I've lost all my joy, surrendered to fright.

Black is a color of sadness inside.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.


I'm a bad rhymer
my metre is a poor timer
when I write this stuff
I say with a huff
why couldn't life be kinder

hows that? I hate rhyming

Its just fine! Its fine if you dont rhyme, just make it sad. Thats the whole point! :smile5: :blush5::blush5::blush5::blush5::blush5::blush5::b lush5: :smile5: :smilewinkgrin:

I dont mean to be rude of wut not... !

If I ever tear my chain,
Then forever it will rain
The tears of people of the ages.
My evil status of a magic mage
Has put people in a rage
To kill me and take my power.
I'm growing weaker by the hour.

Post post post I see you reading this!

The way sad
Makes you mad
Of all that's gone bad
Its not joy you had
But just all sad.

That was quick! I wrote it all on the spot for the quickness. Its not i dont think, this one is just a way of me finding good words to rhyme.

Sorrow is not what life gives us, its what we are made of.
Please recreate me, I say to the heavens above.
Sometimes I feel like saying "Why"
Cause all I can do is cry
And look at what used to be.
My heart is aching to be happy.
But I can't turn back my clock
And I feel like I am a society block.

Short Stories also permitted! They don't have to be in poetry form, just sad, like the title.

Reminiscent of the wrong,
Things are not where they belong.
Thinking and musing,
My thoughts are now oozing.
My chain is not my limit.
Power to break away is within it.
If I can arise just to fall,
Let me die here, and that's all.

To arise to the surface and stay
It shall kill me in every way.
Even though I have the power to break free,
Liberty and hope tearing apart me.

prendrelemick
04-27-2011, 01:45 AM
Some Shakespeare.

Grief fills the room up of my absent child,
Lies in his bed, walks up and down with me,
Puts on his pretty looks, repeats his words,
Remembers me of all his gracious parts,
Stuffs out his vacant garments with his form;
Then, have I reason to be fond of grief?
Fare you well: had you such a loss as I,
I could give better comfort than you do.
I will not keep this form upon my head,
When there is such disorder in my wit.
O Lord! my boy, my Arthur, my fair son!
My life, my joy, my food, my all the world!
My widow-comfort, and my sorrows' cure!

Hawkman
04-27-2011, 03:52 AM
Missing

I cannot feel
I’ve lost my touch
I’m the rabbit in an empty hutch.

*****

Going Without

Sun burns
Wind chills
Water wets
Earth fills

No news
Good news
Silence soothes –
Hope you don’t walk by.

*****

Below the Radar

You’re a stealth fighter
the fifth column of the heart
who chips away at confidence
and bleeds away all art.

*****

Picking Over the Remnants

Self-servant at the deli
you gorge
to fill your vulture belly.

Ll Rm M
04-27-2011, 08:22 AM
My Poems Are Completely Original

When my world just vanished in a flame,
True now, who do I blame

When all you see is the dark
It's not that easy just to make a mark
In a good way
When all you can say:

"Why me, I didn't protest,
But this didn't happen to all the rest.
They took my best friend away
but instead, I offered to take her pay.
She resisted and uttered quietly 'Go on, be free,
Chained up to a wall is what your'e not supposed to be
But I still took her place
And went up to the face
Of the evil enslavers.
I said, with my voice having no wavers,
'Get out. It's not fair to do this,
Even though you just see us as images.
That we are the computer's useless lives,
Wait until my friend who I take the place of arrives."

She did, and then said without a care,
"Hah! Poor prisoner I see you are there.
I won't help you, just let you die here."

YesNo
04-27-2011, 10:58 AM
I heard cicadas come to life
and saw one fallen slowly die
half-eaten looking at me, too.

Was this some husband or some wife
who waited maybe wondered why
there's only one thing left to do?

Ll Rm M
04-27-2011, 03:46 PM
Burning Hard-drive Part 1

I came from information overdrive
People don't like me, so it's hard to survive.
When I said that I could
No one thought that I would
That doubtful straight line of thought has curled
Soon I headed toward the real world.

Burning Hard-drive Part 2

I ventured and ventured through the systems light,
Though I was determined, I ran through with fright.
I ventured out the motherboard and as dangerous as it seemed,
Every step I took made me feel like all my sins redeemed.
Even though I had a smart brain to use
When asked to go back I just simply refuse.

Burning Hard-drive Part 3

I made it, I made it! and then stepped outside,
No one to greet me and all joy pushed aside.
I looked around and the human world was not at all the same
Cause no one was here, I thought I was the one to blame
But I stepped onto a rug, without knowing what it was
I pulled my bare foot back, because I have never felt the fuzz.

Burning Hard-drive Part 4

I saw something, made out of glass.
I wondered if it was a portal to pass.
I touched it gently, and felt it was solid cold.
I saw myself. The petite little glass was glorious to hold.
I sat down a bed, something I have already seen
But then I saw some odd clothes, nice, fresh and clean.

Burning Hard-drive Part 5

I wondered and quickly and quickly realized without gloom.
I had teleported myself into a girl's room.
My eyes wandered, and when I roam,
I see my laptop. The place that is home.
I laugh and laugh at the people who didn't trust
That I would arrive out from our laptop's dust.

Burning Hard-drive Part 6

I set myself down on the mattress of the most splendid bed
Musing of life, then I tilt back my head.
Then thinking I had vanished to an unoccupied country on Earth,
I weep in sorrow thinking 'What I am worth?'
But suddenly, I listen to a door shut. Tread
does a young girl into this room. "Whom are you, person on my bed?!"

Burning Hard-drive part 7-Poetry and the full, casual version will be up. The full,casual version will be on a new thread.
"I am Allania, somebody who will help you for taking care of me so well."
"Allania? I know not you, but your name does ring a bell."
'Named after a princess was I. Sarah, why do you not know me?"
"I do! It's just that the reason of where I recognize, I do not see."
I then told her I was a minor gear in her computer, I escaped through a part.
Said I, "But the way you take care of us has changed my heart."

ALL CHARACTERS WILL BE COPYRIGHTED NO COPYING!

Burning Hard-drive Part 8-Poetry

The next moment, another girl with hair uncurled,
Entered out into the room, she came from my world.
I said, "Furan? Is that you?"
Her reply was, "Yes, I diverged from the motherboard too."
Sarah said, "Oh hello! That name of yours is just a charm."
Furan said, "Maybe. It supposed to mean flower. By my look, I bet your'e alarmed."

Burning Hard-drive Part 9-Poetry

I said, "Thank you for taking care of our home, the computer. You are very blessed to be so kind."
The reply of Sarah was, "Oh, thank you very much, pleasure's all mine."
I said, "All I ask of you is to give me a place to tonight rest my head."
While she was on the floor, she offered to let me sleep on her bed.
Furan said: "Where are your parents? Have they journeyed to a place afar?"
"No that's not true, deceased my parents are."

Burning Hard-drive Part 10-Poetry (Woohoo! Ten pieces of six lines! sixty lines of poetry! Yay!)

Furan slept soundly on the mattress bed,
When on the floor, Sarah and I rested our heads.
Our threesome all slept through the darkened night.
At the stroke of eight, Sarah flipped on the switch of light.
The alarm clock has awakened her from her doze.
Up from her floor, where she had arose.

Please private message me or visitor me if you want to comment.

YesNo
04-27-2011, 04:05 PM
My body's dust beneath the ground.
My soul is in God's lost-and-found.
No heat can now remove the chill
That holds me frozen from you still.
A million years, or maybe more,
Have gone, and I stay grasping for
Your arm and hear your puzzled cries
When my heart stopped to our surprise.

Jerrybaldy
04-28-2011, 06:55 AM
As a great band once sang - Toys in the attic I am crazy, truly gone fishing. They must have taken my marbles away.

Ll Rm M
04-28-2011, 07:24 PM
Burning Hard-drive Part 11-Poetry

Sarah then, she ventured to school,
to go by the teacher's rule.
She comprehended and listened to all she could hear
Until she nearly collapsed in her chair.
Even though she wasn't in deep study at home,
No one would dare to her house roam.

heartbroken~
05-02-2011, 05:42 PM
You left me on my own
I cried tears for you
And now Im all alone
I need someone to call my own

hillwalker
05-02-2011, 06:01 PM
An exercise in simply trying to find a rhyme that fits
in my experience is a waste of time, it rarely hits
the target
because any sense the poem might have possessed is completely sacrificed, I regret.

H

Jerrybaldy
05-02-2011, 06:33 PM
Pint anyone?

Delta40
05-02-2011, 07:41 PM
I was hoping I could relax
but there are people i need to tax
so I put on my smile
and phone miles and miles
and threaten them with a sharp axe

YesNo
05-02-2011, 09:04 PM
I don't know if this one is sad enough for this thread, but here it goes.



Down Down Down

The market is starting to tank.
Before I could sell it all sank.
At the open it goes
Before anyone knows
In the crapper, my personal bank.

Ll Rm M
05-04-2011, 05:57 PM
OMG im getting pushed!


Pint anyone?

What is this for? And It has nothing topic related. If you want to crowd space, please do that as an edit to your poem.....

(Okay this is not a Burning HArd-drive!)

When showers of hell come down to me
The heavens are just another sight to see.
Farewell, take your time to die.
But even though I want you to, I still will cry.

hillwalker
05-04-2011, 06:14 PM
What is this for?

I think it's a tongue-in-cheek response to what is a rather futile exercise.

Sometimes we Brits use sarcasm to avoid causing offence.

H

Ll Rm M
05-07-2011, 04:47 PM
Red for the Blood

You only want it because I can't get it
But if you perish I won't regret it
Black as the pitch of night
Evading your memories from my sight.

Delta40
05-07-2011, 05:40 PM
I don't think Red for the Blood has quite the kick you were aiming for. black as the pitch of night is a rather worn line and evading your memories from my sight sounds like you have jumbled words into something so long as it rhymes at the end. However, it meets to criteria - it is sad and it rhymes!

I cross the finish line on my knees
crying someone, anyone, help me please
but nobody is there to watch me pass
as I crawl and bleed on love's jagged glass

YesNo
05-08-2011, 12:23 AM
One Child's Gift to Another

The ring she gave was made of lead
And broke one lonely day.
"It has no worth," the jeweler said.
He'll keep it anyway.

yuka
05-08-2011, 04:11 AM
Today is Mother's Day
Every woman go out for holiday
I stay at home, do housekeeping
And take care of my baby!

Ll Rm M
05-09-2011, 05:44 PM
Burning Hard-drive Part 12

Sarah sat down and said," I hope that bored you were not."
"I am sorry, but we did find your'e company better a lot."
"But alas, the ways of the fathomless and good has fought on my brain.
Tomorrow I must go to Ariel's house for a project on Spain."
Oh, but alone I will be for when she is at school for awhile
But over there, Sarah was the insult projectile.

YesNo
05-10-2011, 11:43 PM
This one is sad only if you happen to be the bass.


Catch and Release

The bass said, "Dang! Another hook!"
They've always let him go before.
Today he's big enough to cook
So he won't get hooked anymore.

Ll Rm M
05-14-2011, 03:48 PM
Hello

YesNo
05-14-2011, 07:14 PM
Hello
Hi!

Since you posted something, I'll try to keep the thread going.



Bumble Bee Future

This bumble bee in winter dies,
Past living what it's for.
The cold chills swiftly. No one cries,
And it wants nothing more.

Ll Rm M
05-14-2011, 07:57 PM
Wow. For that, thanks, I will try a new style or something special when people give a nice consideration.

Free Verse!

Falling, spinning through a trance
I remain, broken inside.
But this makes me dizzy.
I shake my head no
As if that could wipe away my past.
I see clips of my life in my head.
The fights, the joy, the glory.
I remember the journeys of along time ago.
It's bad enough being hurt and torn,
but it's worse when you see the world you never saw
and you reach but only see how far you are.
I watch myself tumbling through darkness.
I scream, and hear myself cry.
I stop, before I get to the point that I rip myself apart.
I look at myself, too helpless to do anything.
This is what I am.
I stare into the depths
And I see my destiny,
To be banshed without a chance.
I peer into the darkness,
and see a whole new world unfolding before me
My eyes snap open when I feel a sharp pain around me.
It took me a while,
but here I am,
gazing at my reflection.

YesNo
05-15-2011, 09:49 AM
Your poem sounds like you are describing a rebirth, Ll Rm M. One benefit of birth is to gaze at one's reflection as your last line implied.



At the Conference

The speaker put my mind to sleep and then he closed my eyes.
Just when he thought his point was made, I snored to his surprise.

Ll Rm M
05-15-2011, 06:08 PM
Sure, that is a VERY good way to describe it. As usual, she is not a normal human like us. Except Sarah from Burning Hard-drive, but she's nice so who cares. In this case, she is a goddess of light, killed in one of her many battles against dark. She is being reborn bya force of light (duh). Now every time you comment, I will use a different style.

Haiku is up.Shoot, now I have to look up haiku, forgot the rules. Since haiku is Japanese, I'll make this one support Japan somehow. She is a normal person, this time.
5 syl, 7 syl, 5 syl

I walk through the night
And I see my home, broken,
From the earthquake shakes.

Sano, I saw that you checked this out! pOSt. I checked whos online. THanks for reading

Sano
05-15-2011, 06:42 PM
Yup, I did. I'm very interested in this thread, although I usually can't rhyme very well. :P Also, I'd make a haiku, but I usually don't compose them in the strict, japanese meter - for some reasons it doesn't quite transfer the "haiku rhythm" very well into english. I usually just go for reproducing its original aesthetics (two different, but related parts, the famous "aha moment" of surprise, etc.) and don't worry much about the metric.

Ll Rm M
05-15-2011, 06:46 PM
Oh it was the fact that I would just try a new genre following all the rules, when this guy with great ideas comments, YesNo.

You have cool ideas too! :p

That should be in a special category, altered-rule poems.

YesNo
05-15-2011, 06:58 PM
Welcome, Sano. Haikus don't have to rhyme, but I don't know much about them.

So, it was Sarah you were writing about, Ll Rm M. I thought you had started a new story.



No Need for Heroics

So many ducks upon the bay
And ice still blows up to the shore.
The poplar leaves push out to play
Intent on spring-time like before.
I lay upon the hammock and
Relax with soothing, constant waves.
No effort's needed by my hand.
Small risk some hero misbehaves.

Ll Rm M
05-15-2011, 07:20 PM
Sarah? No, I just used her as an example of human exceptions.
I AM actually writing a new story! Pixelloid. It is not up for the public, but a choice people can read it. Phrased incorrectly. I didn't quit on Burning Hard-Drive yet. I will not until it was finished. I was stopped suddenly due to depression. I noticed my poems started to bear semblance to Doctor Seuss, and I quit writing poetry for a while.

Cinquain is up next. ARGH I have to look up every poems rules before archive.

Blood
Final, Broken.
Dripping. Bleeding. Hurting.
All over me, after a fight I had lost.
Devastating

Everybody welcome Sano!

WElcome!

What's up? Im over the Doctor Seuss thing, but I feel like a Burning Hard-Drive, which all have 6 lines. 78 lines, including this in total! YAy! I myself, hate COke and Pepsi. Blegh.

Burning Hard-drive Part 13

To Sarah, I delivered an ice-cold Coke.
But Sarah, she acted like this was all a joke.
She was teased, but acted like the meanness would just erase.
She held her head high, as if this rudeness was just a phase.
She never cried when she heard the way
Everyone just tried to ruin her day.

Sorry, this one sucks.

YesNo
05-16-2011, 01:07 PM
I don't like Coke or Pepsi either, but I would drink one if I were a guest in someone's home and that is what they offered.

What was the "fight" about?

Ll Rm M
05-16-2011, 07:58 PM
Oh just getting bullied at school. Sonnet is up next.

User Appreciations
Congrats to -Delta40 for being the first visitor
-YesNo for keeping thread alive
-Sano for interest
-Beautifull for an awesome personality. (Like all of you)
-Every one interseted in this
-Participants! Great Writing, everyone! Keep up the good work!

Ll Rm M
05-16-2011, 08:04 PM
Sonnet was up.

When the world just stops its spinning
I fall down off my ledge.
Pushed down when I am winning
Going over sanity's edge.
The lifelessness of my living
In the world of darkness mad.
But pain is just its giving
The punishment of the bad.
Still it has me washed up and away.
The harder I fight, the worse for me.
They just force me harder to stay.
Now it is gone, the good world I see.
When all was vanished to the sky,
I finally get my life, then die.

YesNo
05-16-2011, 09:33 PM
I finally get me life, then die.

Life is frustrating. :)

I used to write sonnets a long time ago. Here's one that might fit this thread:



Sunday Greetings

Jane greets you as you move through the church door
And hopes you grasp her shy yet outstretched hand.
Not far from her, you'll see her father stand.
He'll usher you across the wooden floor.
When service ends, you'd see her mother store
The simple toys that helped with lessons, and
Jane doesn't think she'll wear a wedding band:
Defects aren't what most men are looking for.

I get there late. The singing's underway.
Her movements aren't like mine so self-controlled.
Though speech, I know, is hard for her to make,
I ask her how her parents are today
And wait to hear the words I'm often told:
"They're wonderful!" Our hands enjoy the shake.

Ll Rm M
05-16-2011, 09:33 PM
Arghes

Yesno i commence you!

YesNo
05-20-2011, 06:03 PM
Thank you, L€l Rm M. Where's your poem?

Ll Rm M
05-21-2011, 08:38 AM
YOU CAME! THe poems coming wait up. Gotta stop and say hi first!

Tyburn

2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9 syllables

Brightest
Rarest
Hardest
Farthest
The Brightest, Rarest place is far back
The Hardest and Farthest, that I lack.

(This one was hard, fun, and the last two lines suck.))

YesNo
05-21-2011, 04:45 PM
Interesting form. It does look hard to write.

Ll Rm M
05-21-2011, 05:29 PM
sorry i can't comment right now

hillwalker
05-21-2011, 05:36 PM
Interesting form. It does look hard to write.

How exactly? It's just 4 bi-syllabic words written as separate lines of verse then paired off and inserted randomly into 2 lines of verse. Coming up with 2 lines both 9 syllables long isn't particularly taxing, surely. Or have I missed something?

H

YesNo
05-21-2011, 09:53 PM
How exactly? It's just 4 bi-syllabic words written as separate lines of verse then paired off and inserted randomly into 2 lines of verse. Coming up with 2 lines both 9 syllables long isn't particularly taxing, surely. Or have I missed something?

H
I agree that one could easily come up with words that matched the syllable requirements that made sense.

However, I tend to get lost in the overall sound. So the six lines with this formal arrangement would have to have some sound repetition: alliteration, rhyme, or meter, or why bother defining the pattern in this way?

Only a few patterns are deeply pleasing to my ear, although I've tried many in the past. For example, I don't really like the pentameter line in sonnets or villanelles and I've never understood haikus. I tend to enjoy lines with 3 or 4 accented syllables. I was trying to make something work in this form while I was taking a walk this evening, but didn't succeed.

Why don't you give it a try?

Ll Rm M
05-22-2011, 11:50 AM
No, I am found of big words. So this has taken a small toll on me. Well, to make it fit into the tragedy section. And the endings all have to end the same way.And the nine lines rhyme. I meant hard as a hard curve away from normal.
Should I write an explanation of each poetry style?

YesNo commented twice- Terza Rima and Minute Poetry. I will also include a Burning-Hardrive (part 14-later) because I want to write one.

Terza Rima

The setting sun evades my view,
Of my best friend, who to my soul is chained.
Her kindness to my heart was oh so true.

Our friendship though, was where war nearly went and drained
The light of our lives, each other, for the way.
But on that day, darkness still shall had reigned.

The reason, as so to say,
Was the universe to into fire hurled.
The friendship held fate's scale to determine if the world will die away.

But I still have from the depths unfurled
The darkness. I am still friends with you, though we have killed the world.

YesNo
05-22-2011, 02:33 PM
I will also include a Burning-Hardrive (part 14) because I want to write one.
That's the best reason I can think of. I guess this comment will mean you have to write another?

Anyway, I was thinking that the end of the world was supposed to happen yesterday and today, well, where I'm at at least, the weather is gorgeous. So here's a "Tyburn" poem on that thought.



May 22, 2010--Gorgeous Weather After the End of Time

Birds fly
White sun
Blue sky
What fun!
Doomsday came but no one's dying here.
God perhaps enjoys this time of year.

Ll Rm M
05-22-2011, 04:54 PM
Lol! I didnt believe in it. It was the best day evar yesterday! I woke up and went to my friends house, ate ice cream, watched tv, and drew all day. Next up, is Villanelle. Im actually gonna write this time!Last time I had to go. Minute poetry is really long, 60 syllables. 12 lines. SOmetimes I dont finish a post and come back to it. YesNo, you will load my brain mad!
>>>>Imasuguni poetry YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!<<<<
Now the poetry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Villianelle

So what can you still say
When the words are robbed from your lips,
Every single one, from night to day.

Still waiting for the one sun ray,
In my head, replaying the clips
Every single one, from night to day.

But I'm changed now, today.
But our blood still drips.
So what can you still say?

The closer we are, the more our bridge will sway.
In your head, replaying the clips.
The bigger our bond, the more our cloth will fray.

To tighten our friendship makes me want to go away.
Pure will drink of viciousness sips.
But yet together we stand, on this bay.

So now, what do we pay?
But our blood still drips.
To tighten our friendship makes me want to go away.
But the memories when weren't friends are still just a patch of gray.

(I should include a picture.)

Minute Poetry. Burning Hard-drive Coming up.
>>>>i HAVE TO follow the hard rules...<<<

I cry because the sorrow's hard,
Heart not one shard,
Please perish you,
For this is true.

So this is how you always hate.
Reaction, fate.
The worse for me,
Fills up your glee.

I see that you forgot the nice,
Your heart is ice.
But don't forget,
Kill me? I let.

Delta40
05-22-2011, 08:33 PM
I like the villanelle. some other lit-nutters dabble in those and I must say I haven't given it a try. I'm not too keen on suicide of the worse. The rhyming factor seems to detract from the content here.

Ll Rm M
05-22-2011, 09:06 PM
Oh yes, it certainly does. Sometimes the factors of rhyme just dont work, and it's hard to fit words i love in a 8,4,4,4 stanza.
Some of my favorite words:
Reminiscent: That itself is a full line.
Reclusive: 3 syllables
Eternally: Full line

See what i mean???

________________
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I like the villanelle. Some other lit-nutters dabble in those and I must say I haven't given it a try. I'm not too keen on suicide of the worse. (ME TOO!) The rhyming factor seems to detract from the content here. So true!

Thanks for reading it!

YesNo
05-23-2011, 08:24 AM
Sometimes the factors of rhyme just dont work, and it's hard to fit words i love in a 8,4,4,4 stanza.

So this is the "Minute" form. If the rhyme doesn't work, you can always use that as an opportunity to think of a better line or rearrange other parts somehow to make it sound better.

The blood dripping in the villanelle reminds me of vampires, but maybe I got it all wrong.

In the "Suicide of the Worse" is someone trying to commit suicide?

Ll Rm M
05-23-2011, 10:02 PM
Oh fights, oh and the end of suicide says I let you kill me.

trying a shorter thing without syllables, failure by a long way with syllables.
Ghazal
Striving from the depths of the midnight, I try to find contact with me, shattered, broken.
I am forever in the shadows, straining to have the light shine on me in patches, broken.

So the world is my enemy for the things already done, and will happen.
So me being split, you want to come and break me more, cracked to irreparable broken?

The pleasure to be theirs, all the strangled cries though appear to be mine.
The chain of power for the spiritually has let out it's full strength to just be broken.

Staring down the evil power in me has caused me to burn
So you mortals are cremating the already torn and broken.

The humans stare down at Lela and smirk with glee,
When they find how evilly pleasing is to make some innocent pay the crime's price. The magic's finally broken.

YesNo
05-24-2011, 08:25 AM
broken.

Interesting use of "broken" to end each stanza. It does have a tragic sense to it right to the last stanza with the "magic" broken.

Ll Rm M
05-24-2011, 08:57 PM
Oh, that was a rule. But thanks, anyway. I think that poem was a great uplift from the embarrasment of the Minute Poetry. I have definitely overcome the fact that I write like Doctor Seuss because I don't anymore. I am so happy!Rondolet is up now. Then the burning hard-drives i said I would do.... I'm shlacking.... I'll try something different.

Rondolet
The joy of being out of here
Has been making me smile.
The joy of being out of here,
Makes me freedom fear.
After sitting in hell for more than a while,
Happy still wants to through out it's file.
The joy of being out of here.

YesNo
05-25-2011, 09:44 AM
This sounds like a continuation of the hard-drive story. I think "through out" should be "throw out".

I've heard of the "rondolet" form, but never tried it.

Ll Rm M
05-25-2011, 07:31 PM
Oh I'll try something later-Rondolet continue
Quatrain

Smiling like the world has burned down
Crying like I'm revived from the dead
I don't know why these people around
Don't say the same things in their heads.

Ll Rm M
05-26-2011, 10:29 PM
Burning Hard-Drive Part 14 >>Finally I can write one of these.<<

Sarah was at school studying in her book, as if in a daze.
While at her, a unfamiliar schoolmate would look at her and gaze.
Sarah abruptly stopped and closed her book and as she felt the stare,
It felt peculiar, as if the schoolmate was a kindred soul to spare.
Sarah gazed up, unsure if this was any fate's decision,
She arose, and went without a break, with grace of full precision.

YesNo
05-27-2011, 05:58 AM
It looks like Sarah found a new friend at school. I wonder what's going to happen.

Depending on one's perspective, the following might be considered "tragic". I guess it would be a kind of quatrain.



Adding to My Karma

That buzzing fly just will not die.
It wipes its tiny head.
It's still alive. I missed. That's why.
Then swat! Hey, now it's dead.

Ll Rm M
05-28-2011, 11:20 AM
Thank you for paying attention these!! :p
They are in couplets
I'll answer it with a continuing burning hard-drive. I must count my lines first!

YesNo
05-29-2011, 09:08 AM
Looking forward to the next installment of the burning hard-drive.

Here's something that's only relatively tragic and unfortunately doesn't rhyme, but it is short.



Mary Had a Little Lamb

for lunch.

IceM
05-29-2011, 06:28 PM
Looking forward to the next installment of the burning hard-drive.

Here's something that's only relatively tragic and unfortunately doesn't rhyme, but it is short.



Mary Had a Little Lamb

for lunch.

Hilarious! Haha.

Rondolet

Breaking,
Distant,
Foreign,
Broken:
Broken and distant are the dreams
of one with spina bifida

Ll Rm M
05-29-2011, 07:20 PM
Two POEMS AND A BURNING HARD_DRIVE POEM LATAAAH! I am busy... Just came on to check some.

YesNo
05-30-2011, 09:04 AM
I'm glad you found it hilarious, IceM. :)

Your rondolet portrays tragedy well. I had not heard of this form before L€l Rm M's example.

Ll Rm M
06-02-2011, 03:36 PM
Thanks, and know you will here anotha! And the burning hard-drive, and 2 more poems.

Ll Rm M
06-04-2011, 04:02 PM
Three! Poems and another.... Argh, but I like this stuff.
Tetractys

cry
for grief,
for the dead,
and the tortured.
aren't I crying for myself, or not?

Ll Rm M
06-05-2011, 10:55 AM
Oh,,, 2 more.......
Rispetto

When the world of light vanished from our brains,
I was the only one to still have it inside me.
But without it, they might as well put me in chains.
I guess that's how living a lifeless life can be.

I still remember the wonders of a world without fear.
The others, they do not. I still keep these memories near.
What should my actions be, when not one other believes it exists?
But I believe the world exists, yet I am the last one to persist.

YesNo
06-05-2011, 01:26 PM
I haven't heard of "rispetto" before. Here's a link to it: http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/504518/rispetto

Interesting idea: "how living a lifeless life can be". I guess that refers to those from the hard-drive.

Ll Rm M
06-17-2011, 05:56 PM
YOu are the hardest person to keep track of. Havent been here, has been working on stuff. I will write a poem when if figure out how many im missing.

Poems before the new poem thing doesnt couunt.

3 poems to do........ Argen des raide, tur sreiden.
(THat was made up junk. I like writing, but it's hard.)

Hi mya!